...to ask what my wife's thought process is, in this situation?

[WalkingOnTheCracks]

Married twenty years. Pretty early on I mentioned that I don't like v-neck jumpers. I mean, it's not a huge deal. It wasn't mentioned in the wedding speeches. It's not something I felt I had to get straight even before we got serious. It's just one of those things that comes up at some point, and it came up within the first year or so, I guess.

But every couple of years, my wife will buy me a v-neck jumper for Christmas. I open it and I don't need to say anything, because she gets in first.

"I know it's a v-neck, but it's such a lovely blue!"

"I know you don't like v-necks, but it's cashmere!"

"...it's just perfect for your eye colour."

"...I thought you could wear it to Sally and Mike's next week."

"...it's from Harrods!"

They always end up being taken back.

But - leaving aside the question of why I don't like v-necks, which I think I'm allowed - what I'm interested to know is what she's thinking when she buys them. Does she think, "Well, this one's just irresistible. Even WoTC will love this." Or does she just think that my aversion to v-necks is a passing phase? Or not worthy of consideration?

She doesn't like sarongs. If I persisted in the attempt to buy her a sarong every other Christmas, there'd be ructions.

Why does she keep at it?

In her place after 20 years I'd be actually telling him that, not relying on some subliminal messaging and hoping he understands.

She thinks she'd fancy you in it so overall a win for you both.

Maybe he could get her a moustache trimmer, which would make him fancy her more - so another win for them both, eh?!

I agree with this😂

Why oh why does she keep buying these V necks only for them to get taken back?! Maybe she thinks she’ll buy the right top and then you’ll suddenly be a lover of V necks.

I’m not a fan of V necks either. If my DP kept on buying them knowing that I don’t like them, I’d be really pissed off. Does she think it’s a joke and does it to get a reaction out of you or is she being dead serious about these V necks lol

I wasn't condoning it.

I know this isn't relevant to the question but a lot of people are answering assuming OP is a man - have they actually said this anywhere?

They've been married for 20 years - I don't think same-sex marriage was legal 20 years ago, was it?

I know this isn't relevant to the question but a lot of people are answering assuming OP is a man - have they actually said this anywhere?

Married 20 years would tend to suggest a heterosexual union...

I dont know her reasoning but my dh is the opposite: only likes v necks. I find them very hard to find. Perhaps you could donate them my way next time and I can send you all the lovely round neck jumpers i have bought dh (cos v necks are as rare as hen's teeth and I have to try to get him out of his countless fleeces somehow) which have say unworn at the bottom of the drawer.

🤣

I like the suggestions that the buying of the v neck jumper is an expression of the wife's panic, vengefulness or irrepressible lust!

I'm trying to imagine what other deep emotions and subtle messages she could be trying to telegraph through the shape of v neck jumper...

I don't know OP. It seems like quite a specific problem. This isn't just one of those things that women do, buying a particularly unwanted type of jumper.

I wasn't condoning it.

Sorry, I misconstrued your perspective - of course, you meant that SHE sees it as win-win (except that it's obviously only a win for her).

Are you married to your mother? That might explain it. It's what my mum did for ages. If I wore the stuff when out with her we looked like Dr evil and mini me.

🤣🤣🤣

OP is your wife my MIL? I’m only joking she’s been married much longer but she is also a spectacularly self-centered gift giver who starts most gifts with ‘I know you said you don’t like X…’ and I’m on the lookout for a gift for her. Might get her a sarong this year. 😂

I have an actual phobia to jewellery. People who knew would still by it for me for Christmas and birthday.
They would say I know you don't like jewellery but this is so pretty.
I'm sure it would have been lovely if I could bring myself to touch it without vomiting.
The thing is people buy what they think you should like not what you actually like,.
This is really common.

Ahh, typical MN. "It'S nOt ThE sAmE!!!1one!!!!1".

STOP THAT AT ONCE.😂My teenaged daughter is in the room and I don't want to have to explain why I'm sliding under the table.

She sleeps with a Winnie the Pooh who wears only a vest. The mental image of a middle-aged man in a v-neck playing a Winnie-the-Pooh sex game will permanently destroy her love of her childhood toy 😂

OP, do not do this.

She's being selfish and trying to dress you up in something SHE likes. She should be buying what YOU like. This would irritate the hell out of me.

What actually is your problem with v necks? Do you not like them because she buys them?

Honestly, I think you should give them a go. Most middle aged men don't know what they look good in.

Communicate - no v necks this year or your getting a sarong for the next 5 Christmas’s

It depends...

Do you buy her thoughtful and appreciated gifts based on her actual preferences? If your gifts are equally shit, this could potentially be some sort of passive aggressive revenge strategy which is quite hard for you to combat. Did she ever buy you stuff you liked (and did it go downhill later on) or has it always been v-necks?

If actually your gifts are usually thoughtful and hit the mark, then in your position I'd be tempted to shake things up a bit and give her a v neck (in a really nice shade of blue) for Christmas...

"But you love v necks so much, you keep buying them" 😂.

She might have a secret desire to ride you like a rodeo bull while you're wearing nothing but a Harrods, cashmere blue v neck.

I meant bring him round to the idea of wearing v necks, not woo him 😂

But he doesn't like them.
If I kept telling DH that I didn't like sleeveless tops (I hate my upper arms) and he kept buying them, he would get short shrift!

I’m now really worried that the OP is my DH because I’ve bought V necks for him in the past though not quite as forcefully as the OP is describing!

Clearly she is in the pay of Big V-Neck.

'Stop buying me gifts you know I don't like. It's a nasty thing to do.'
Said point blank, with anger and disgust.
Then have a proper row about it.

Oh my word some of the responses on here! Absolutely pathetic. If a woman posted that her husband persistently bought her things she has explicitly said she doesn’t like, there’d be an LTB rally getting organised as we speak.

OP, she sounds thoughtless at best. You sound lovely. I wouldn’t be so polite if she buys you another this year.