...to ask what my wife's thought process is, in this situation?

[WalkingOnTheCracks]

Married twenty years. Pretty early on I mentioned that I don't like v-neck jumpers. I mean, it's not a huge deal. It wasn't mentioned in the wedding speeches. It's not something I felt I had to get straight even before we got serious. It's just one of those things that comes up at some point, and it came up within the first year or so, I guess.

But every couple of years, my wife will buy me a v-neck jumper for Christmas. I open it and I don't need to say anything, because she gets in first.

"I know it's a v-neck, but it's such a lovely blue!"

"I know you don't like v-necks, but it's cashmere!"

"...it's just perfect for your eye colour."

"...I thought you could wear it to Sally and Mike's next week."

"...it's from Harrods!"

They always end up being taken back.

But - leaving aside the question of why I don't like v-necks, which I think I'm allowed - what I'm interested to know is what she's thinking when she buys them. Does she think, "Well, this one's just irresistible. Even WoTC will love this." Or does she just think that my aversion to v-necks is a passing phase? Or not worthy of consideration?

She doesn't like sarongs. If I persisted in the attempt to buy her a sarong every other Christmas, there'd be ructions.

Why does she keep at it?

I agree with this, it's some sort of test or control issue. To see if you would dare be rude about her gift. Open it, say thanks but make no further acknowledgement of it but do just give it to charity every time. Does she try to do this in other ways?

Are there other examples of situations where she ignores or seems to deliberately override your decisions and preferences, on issues where it’s very reasonable for you to make the decision independently?

If this is the only thing, I’d mentally dismiss it as a mildly annoying, inexplicable quirk. If there’s a pattern of her not respecting that you know your own mind, that’s something that needs addressing.

I don't understand your wife's behaviour either. Remind her not to get you any v necks now.

I would guess that she likes v-necks on men and wants you to wear one. Coupled with she thinks you’re being silly and stubborn about something that in her mind fairly superficial.

I think you should actually tell her straight - that it frustrates you, makes you feel like she’s trying to control you and that she doesn’t respect your opinion and wishes. She might not have even thought of it like that until you point it out.

After 20 years I'm surprised you don't have a break down at the sight of a v neck jumper. I'd just refuse to open it. I'd hand it back to her wrapped and say I know it's a v neck , I do not want it, return it.

My ex pulled shit like this, purposely buying me things he knew I didn't like and when I objected he was "just trying to do something nice" or "thought you'd love me it for a change", etc.

He's an ex partly for that reason.

It's a matter of control I'm afraid.

Or, she doesn't know other jumper styles exist! Just tell her not to buy you ANY clothes

*like it, not "love me it"!

Well at least you've got her Christmas present sorted....sarong it is!

Is it to deter you from this being your favoured alternative?

She thinks she knows best.

What happens to the jumpers, does she return it or do you?

Next time she does it, don't even deign her with a response. Just put it aside and move on.

And buy her a sarong.

Can I have your v necks for my husband and swap you for his endless Boden breton stripes?

He looks like a pop art bar code.

What do people wear on their feet in the house if they don't wear slippers?
We don't wear shoes in the house, and it is too cold for just socks.

I got no excuses for her.

She should have got the message by now.

I just searched for 'm&s mens jumpers', v necks are not the first hits.

I could understand the absentmindness if you had been married 2 years rather than 20 (although after 60 years my uncle still doesn't remember that my aunt never eats baked beans, but I digress). Does she do this about other things that are more important than a sweater?

Second the idea upthread of just not unwrapping it and saying that there's no point, it's going back.

V Necks are slimming and elongating for people with short bodies/broad shoulders/slightly chubby.
I say this as somebody who can ONLY wear V necks as full necks just make me look fat! I return anything that is not a V Neck as it not as flattering on me.
Is she trying to give you a hint...?

I really, really dislike round/ crew/polo or any other type of jumper apart from v necks.
I appreciate I am strange and unusual in this as in so many other things.
Perhaps your wife shares my odd jumper predilection 🤷‍♀️

It's beyond bizarre.
My son doesn't like v-necks either so I save my money by not buying them. There doesn't have to be a reason- people like what they like.

@WalkingOnTheCracks Is she trying to wind you up or just being a nob when it comes to V necks. Or does she think it's funny? How are you are getting presents for her? If useless then maybe it's a passive aggressive response

Ha!

Who knows? Just because lots of us happen to be women in here, it doesn’t mean we have any particular insight into the working of your wife’s mind. I don’t think buying presents you know someone won’t like is a particularly female trait.

She may think that you don't suit the style you wear and would suit a v-neck.

My OH said the same, no v-necks ever, until he found some cheap t-shirts that were v-neck and he said 'they are cheap - are you sure you don't like me in v-necks?

I like tights. When DP wears tights, it unfailingly makes me feel a bit amorous. I do not know why. There is no formative experience, no ex girlfriend I can pinpoint that gave me a thing for tights, but there it is.

Presumably your wife has a similar thing about V-necks. I'm sure she finds you highly attractive no matter what you where, but there's something about a man in a V-neck that just tips her over the edge.

Personally, I'd go with it. Experiment. Wear a V-Neck a couple of times and see if any correlations pop up. Hell, you might be able to use it to your advantage. She's not in the mood tonight? Come downstairs in nothing but your trusty V-Neck, see if that changes her mind.

Hell, if you're not willing to experiment, she may well have her head turned by someone who's more open to V-necking

She probably likes the colour on you or thinks it would look good on you. Fair enough if you don't like it, sounds like you have been clear and consistent over the years.

The one thing I would counsel on is - out of the 2 of you, who do you think is the more fashion conscious? If it's your wife, why not try one of her presents?

My husband works in fashion, very aware of current trends and cuts. He knows (after many years of me telling him) of what cuts / styles suit my body shape. Every so often, he will push me out of my comfort zone to try something different that I definitely wouldn't have chosen myself and he is nearly always right.

I mean a V neck is pretty innocuous. I've never seen one on a man and thought 'OMG that looks dreadful' - why not give a V neck a go?