...to ask what my wife's thought process is, in this situation?

[WalkingOnTheCracks]

Married twenty years. Pretty early on I mentioned that I don't like v-neck jumpers. I mean, it's not a huge deal. It wasn't mentioned in the wedding speeches. It's not something I felt I had to get straight even before we got serious. It's just one of those things that comes up at some point, and it came up within the first year or so, I guess.

But every couple of years, my wife will buy me a v-neck jumper for Christmas. I open it and I don't need to say anything, because she gets in first.

"I know it's a v-neck, but it's such a lovely blue!"

"I know you don't like v-necks, but it's cashmere!"

"...it's just perfect for your eye colour."

"...I thought you could wear it to Sally and Mike's next week."

"...it's from Harrods!"

They always end up being taken back.

But - leaving aside the question of why I don't like v-necks, which I think I'm allowed - what I'm interested to know is what she's thinking when she buys them. Does she think, "Well, this one's just irresistible. Even WoTC will love this." Or does she just think that my aversion to v-necks is a passing phase? Or not worthy of consideration?

She doesn't like sarongs. If I persisted in the attempt to buy her a sarong every other Christmas, there'd be ructions.

Why does she keep at it?

Yes, I have been here a while! Enough to notice that women start threads with things like:

AIBU to be annoyed that DP keeps buying me V neck jumpers?
How can I stop DP buying me bloody V neck jumpers?
WWYD, DP just not listening
At wit's end, enough with the jumnpers!!

Men come on here and go 'Women: tell me exactly what Woman In My Life is thinking and why' or 'Women: explain this Irrational Woman Behaviour to me'. Maybe I read too much into it, I don't know, but it happens consistently enough to irk me. And in fairness, I posted before the OP clarified that he had asked her, and he seems like a fine, if neckshy fellow.

My honest advice would be: don't get into a sarong war, just keep asking her and reiterating that you will not wear it.

She is buying what she want to give, not what you want to receive.

A boyfriend once wanted to buy me a breadmaker for my birthday.
I pointed out that I seldom eat bread. The reply I got was 'Yes, but you would if you baked your own bread'.

He doesn't like them. Why does it need to be more complicated than that? Do you not think that after 20 years she should be getting the message and if she thinks he'd look good in something that a less passive aggressive approach might do the trick?

V necks give her the fanny gallops. Either that or she’s deaf, stupid, hates you, or any combination of the three. Put it in a drawer then wrap it back up and give it to her for her birthday.

This is why Christmas Lists are so important. Give her a list of what you want, links and all. Ask for the same. If you're desperate for the 'surprise' element then have 5 things on it. Tell her that there is no V neck sweater she can buy that you will like. If she gets you one, hand it back and then go buy yourself something you like. Its very very strange behaviour to buy someone something you know they don't like. A tad passive aggressive.

What actually is your problem with v necks? Do you not like them because she buys them?

Honestly, I think you should give them a go. Most middle aged men don't know what they look good in.

He's a grown man - unless it's a uniform or dress code required for his work, he's allowed to wear whatever he likes. He doesn't need to care whether other people do or don't think that he looks good in them - he does not like them.

However, judging by how frumpy most middle aged women look, I wouldn't trust them to choose nice clothes for anyone else.

...Or is it not okay if it's said the other way round? (obviously I don't mean the above, just to prove the point).
No need to tar a whole group of people with the same brush, until we're advocating forcing his wife into sarongs against her will, perhaps we should acknowledge people have the right not to like something. Maybe he does look good in them, doesn't matter. He doesn't want to wear them.

My Mum does this - with men's pyjamas for my DH. He's never ever worn a pair. Ever.Doesn't seem to matter how many times we tell her.

I let it go because it's my Mum and it's only ever once a year.

If it were my husband buying me something - I'd literally have to massively have it out with them! Ludicrous. Yes, she may well think they're ace, but you don't. She needs telling in no uncertain terms!

OR yes, keep buying sarongs!!!!

Also, he said, in the first post, that he told her he didn't like them before she started buying them.

You should buy her a sarong.

What's sarong with that?

Hedge trimmer?? Is that a euphemism?

However, judging by how frumpy most middle aged women look, I wouldn't trust them to choose nice clothes for anyone else.
Miaow

If someone said they hated V necks I would just not buy them V necks.
I would get pretty pissed off if someone insisted on buying me the one thing I dislike all the time.

However, judging by how frumpy most middle aged women look, I wouldn't trust them to choose nice clothes for anyone else.

...Or is it not okay if it's said the other way round? (obviously I don't mean the above, just to prove the point).

It's fine, you can say what you want. However, most middle aged women take a great deal of care over their appearance. Versus... well, MAMILs.

Honestly, it was a tongue in cheek comment. Really I have no idea why OP's wife buys him jumpers he doesn't like or why OP thinks that any of us would know the reason. She presumably either has a reason that he can find out by asking.

That's why I wrote that I didn't mean it right beside it. 😁 Just to show that some posters think it's okay to to say men don't know what looks good so maybe the OP should just wear something he doesn't like. It wouldn't be as well-received if the same was said about women. And we don't know the OP's age either. 🤷‍♀️

Everyone else has summed it up- she is being unreasonable and controlling…

but seeing as you asked about her thought processes- what DO you usually wear? Maybe if it’s something like ‘spandex green turtlenecks’ or ‘I go topless as I dislike all necklines’ we might be able to give you a more in depth understanding of her reasoning?

I haven’t rtft because my phone is playing up.

She probably likes how v-necks make you look! Have you considered that they may suit you better than round necks?

My dh is tall and large - built like a rugby player - and v necks are the only sort of jumpers that suit him (or fleeces with a collar and a zip at the neck.). Round necks emphasise his big neck and full face. It’s not a good look! He looks lovely in a v-neck though.

I think there's a strong chance here that she wants to borrow your jumpers and so is buying the jumper she wants to borrow from you. Mens jumpers are significantly comfier than women's so eminently borrow-able. I'd just keep one as a test and see how long it is before it migrates to her drawer, you only need the one.

@Loics , However, judging by how frumpy most middle aged women look, I wouldn't trust them to choose nice clothes for anyone else.
I take it you are either a frumpy middle-aged woman or an ageist sexist idiot.

You literally couldn't be bothered to read the entire post before getting on your high horse could you?

Way to prove their point!

Sigh I thought putting the "I don't mean it" sentence to show I was making a point directly underneath that statement in the same post was pointing out the obvious, but turns out people aren't even reading it and frothing straight away. 🤦‍♀️

She probably likes how v-necks make you look! Have you considered that they may suit you better than round necks?

Both irrelevant, as he does not like them.

Start buying her crap that she does not like.

😂😂😂