AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

Awww

You have one three month old and your judging. Imagine a few years down the line DC is older and you have a one year old.

DC1 needs at least 12 hours sleep for nursery/school the next day. Do you really think DC1 is going to stay in bed with you two downstairs with DC two. They need the structure and routine and to settle themselves without mummy and daddy there.

Of course there are times when the routine will be broken. The warmer summer nights at the park or on the beach when it's a bit cooler. Or going to the evening entertainment on holiday. But it's all about getting them into a good routine and sleep habits and having adult time.

Wow kids going to bed at 6/6.30pm?

I'm often still trying my best to escape work at that time!

My first slept 13 hours - 7pm-8am at 2 months. I didn’t go round giving advice telling other new parents what to do.
(and 2nd child waited until 3 months to do the same, still didn’t give unwanted advice out)

Ours were horrible sleepers and to have any sanity - and see them after going back to work - we kept later hours with them and they didn't wake for the day until we did. It was great. I don't really get the 6.30 bedtimes but everyone's different

My DC's went to bed 7pm- 7am. Depending on their age they would wake for a feed for n the night.

YANBU OP, you’re absolutely right imo. My DC slept through at 11 weeks and 6 weeks, and by this I mean 11pm until 7am which suited me perfectly. As they got older and reduced their daytime sleeps and were able to go longer between feeds, we gradually brought bedtime forward till they were sleeping 11-12 hours. Never had any problems with getting them off to sleep or with night-waking at all. Tips to get them to sleep through: feed them a lot in the evening, and get them to self-soothe very early (at 1 week old with DC2, took 10 minutes!)

Absolutely hysterical 🤣 my son stopped sleeping around 18 months and got up between 4.20 and 5.30 for many years. Even as a teen he doesn't sleep in. He could stay up until 2am and be up at 6 😂

Self-soothing one-week-olds. Now I've heard it all.

I am off to bed (but 5mo DD3 has been asleep since 7 😱). Le gasp.

My eldest sleeps 1830-7 and has done since 6 months old (currently 5 yrs). My second born is 10 moths and still wants cluster feeding every 30 mins-2hrs all night long, wake around 7 and has1 day nap if I'm lucky. You lucked out to have a good sleeper at 3 months.

DD2* 😬

Everyone is teasing you, OP, and I do get why. You can't really draw conclusions based on what newborns do.

But, aside from that ... I really wish people would apply a tiny bit of common sense. I guarantee you there is no sleep-deprived parent who is regularly waking early, who has not thought 'hey! What if we tried to get the baby down earlier?!". It's a no-brainer. You know that. So, a tiny bit of thought would allow you to realise that, chances are, parents who are struggling with sleep have thought of it too.

My DD wouldn't go down earlier. In fact, for ages she wanted to fall asleep around 11/midnight. Then she was raring to go at 6 or so, and she'd wake up in the night. I have the diaries from when she was 2, and for a solid six months she went to bed after 11 and woke before 6, and also woke every hour during the night. Believe me, I tried everything. Please stop pretending that this would have magically not happened if we'd tried to get her down at 6.30. It makes you look incredibly naive and silly.

I wish my kids would stay in bed when I put them there. 😆

Just going to placemark this to come back to in 2 years 🤣

It takes me weeks to get my kids adjusted to daylight savings and they still don't fully adjust to it.

The answer really is that at 3months old babies still aren’t really doing full days in a way that makes them knackered. A toddler will generally need an early night because they are up running all over the place and get tired and crash. They often go to bed early especially when going through day time nap transitions as they gradually move from day sleep to night sleep. And, there is no way I’d have wanted either of mine up until midnight. They’d have been heinous, overtired beasts and I needed some time just for me.

for what it’s worth, both of mine were in bedtime routines by 6-8 weeks with a 7pm bedtime and largely sleeping through the night by 3/4 months. You’re eventually aiming for the 11-12 hours of nighttime sleep and not 8. Even with the best sleepers there will be things that disrupt the routine like sickness, teething, nap transition, sleep regression, separation anxiety mental leaps, nightmares etc. Don’t get too smug yet. Of my two excellent sleeping babies, one stayed that way, one did not.

Children are all different. What works for one will not necessarily work in the same way for another.

dd1 went to bed at 7, asleep by 7.30, right from tiny. By 8 weeks she was sleeping through, so deeply that I was concerned she wouldn’t wake if hungry. I had to lift her, feed her, and put her back down (often she only half woke, always straight back down after) around 10.30/11pm. She initially slept through until 6am, but by 12 weeks it was until 7.30am. So 12 hours straight.

dd2, I did the same. She went down ok, not as quickly as dd1 had, but not too bad. But by 12 weeks, she was only sleeping from 11-5 as a core. She woke easily when hungry, and she must have been at least 2 years old before she slept past 5am, whatever time she actually went to sleep.

ds was totally different. Couldn’t settle him for love nor money, and he couldn’t stay asleep. He woke every 45 minutes, without fail, until he was 18 months.

all 3 had the same routine, but wildly different outcomes. Ds still finds it difficult to sleep - he’s 10 now. Dd1 still likes to get to bed early ish and relax, and sleeps until about 7 usually. Dd2 still finds it quite tricky to get to sleep, but has now mastered sleeping past 5am thankfully! Although she still can’t lie in - once she’s awake then she has to be up (and she’s well into teenage years, but still no layabout!)

Jesus some of the comments.... Regardless of how many children the op has, the point is why put kids to bed at half 6 and complain that they wake early?? I agree with you, I don't get it. Some almost expect them to go to bed at half 6 and not wake til 8 or 9 the next morning. You can't get the best of both.

Sleep is a touchy subject with every parent thinking their way is the right way 🙄 yes… right for THEIR child.

I’ve found with my baba is that every day is different, every week, every month can be completely the opposite to what it was just a short while before. It’s easier for my mental health if I take the approach that like me her tiredness level can vary and we take each day as it comes. Learning to know she’s tired, wants to sleep and enjoys going to bed is the main thing.

This is very funny!

My advice to the op is not to assume, if an aspect of parenting goes well, that it is because of your superior parenting, because it will definitely bite you in the arse when something doesn't go well. With a 3 month old you have a lot of hurdles ahead of you!

I really wish people would apply a tiny bit of common sense. I guarantee you there is no sleep-deprived parent who is regularly waking early, who has not thought 'hey! What if we tried to get the baby down earlier?!". It's a no-brainer. You know that. So, a tiny bit of thought would allow you to realise that, chances are, parents who are struggling with sleep have thought of it too.

10p% this. Same with all the other smug parents who say “why not try a routine, it worked for us” or “white noise is the answer” or “just co-sleep”!

Believe me, we sleep deprived parents have TRIED IT ALL. Just because it worked for your baby, doesn’t mean it works for other babies. Please apply this to the rest of parenting too.

*100%.

I agree OP. We have multiple kids, and always let them go to sleep later when they didn't need to be up early. Yet friends put theirs to bed at 7pm, and wondered why they woke at 5am.

My eldest slept through from three weeks. Amazing. Til she hit nine months. She's ten now, and I've given up hoping she'll ever sleep through again. She goes to bed at eight because I NEED to clock off and have some down time.

My non-sleeping screamy pukey baby passes out at 6.30 and gets up at 5.30 to start his day. Quietly. With Brio and Lego (for maximum smugness levels 😁) and marmite sandwiches I leave out for him.

DH is 47 and not sleeping through yet. I suspect he's a lost cause.

I did the same op. My DC went to bed at midnight for a few months when he was a baby. It worked for us at the time.
He's 3 now and sleeps 8pm-8am.
Sil puts her kids to bed at 6pm, even the 10 year old, and whinges when they wake her up at 5am.