AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

Assuming this is just naive and not in bad faith, 3mo babies are potatoes. There is a whole WORLD of sleep fun awaiting you. Maybe you'll get lucky, I did with my first and jury still out on second, or maybe you'll be back here in six months asking what the hell is going on.

I remember being so smug with DD1, thinking I had cracked it and why doesn't everyone just do what we do? Then I realised it was fuck all to do with what we were doing (which was nothing anyway).

Personally I've always valued my evenings more than morning lie ins but DH is an early riser so it's never been an issue, so I usually get both

wait until they’re bouncing off the walls at midnight aged 12 months+ and you get zero adult time

😂😂😂 you with your first 3 month old baby

By that age my first slept from 7:30 - 7:30 and had 2 x 2hr naps in the day - she napped right up until she was 4 (only 1 x 2hr nap by then) and still slept the 12 hours at night. She needed lots of sleep but was a happy baby.

My second napped pretty well but was always getting ear infections and went to bed at the same time but woke frequently overnight due to ear pain and not being able to establish a proper sleep pattern around all the ear infections. He needed more sleep than he got and he was a generally grumpy baby.

An overtired baby can be a grumpy baby, if mine had been up til midnight it would have been terrible.

All you need to worry about is your own baby, who at 3 months is likely to change her sleep pattern quite often before you get a proper routine firmly established. You may well be eating your words in a months time when your bub starts to wake up at 5am despite the late bed time.

My children go to bed between 6-7pm, depending on how tired they seem.

They sleep through until around 6.30-7am which 1) gives them the recommended hours sleep per night 2) means they're up in time for us to get them to childcare/school on time.

Not really sure what you're confused about? Are you worried I'm neglecting my kids by giving hem a good night's sleep?

Yeah - no, that’s not how any of this works, I’m afraid. I mean, it might for you, but for most, probably not. Small children (and some older ones too) are mostly just shit at sleeping despite everyone’s efforts to the contrary.

Er of course a 3 month old isn’t going to sleep all night if you put them to bed at 6.30, because he has a tiny belly that needs filling little and often. Once they’re on solids they will sleep for 12 hours solid easily though, so by the time your baby is a year old you too, if you have any sense, will be putting them to bed early evening too. HTH.

Kids is a bit of a general blanket term. 3 month old versus a 6 year old?

Families who have to be up and out of the house fully ready for school and work by 8am compared to one small baby with a parent at home full time? Put your kid to bed at midnight and get them up at 8 and they will be missing about 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night. This will certainly show when they are at school!

At 3 months old my eldest would go to bed at 7, have a feed at 1am barely awake and then sleep on til 7.

Lots of children will sleep 11.5/12 hours. I drop mine to school at 8.35 and find if they aren't up by 7am its a real struggle getting everyone dressed, spellings practised, breakfast etc done to get to school on time.

Also, in seriousness, I assume the 6:30 is the bedtime, which could easily mean sleep at 7:30 especially if there's a bath involved. Babies and toddlers take a while to wind down at bedtime.

For what it's worth I mostly agree with you. Both mine went to bed later and got up later (there was a sweet spot around 8pm). But people just don't want to hear it.

I get your point OP. Mine have always gone to bed later than 'normal' and I have spoken to several people over the years who have expressed surprise (definitely sometimes judgement) that they go to bed so late. But they sleep through until much later than the children of these parents, so we don't have to wake up at the crack of dawn.

Yeah my youngest was a dream like that and slept a nice block from midnight as a tiny baby . He’s in year 2 now and has ASD so I’m lucky if he sleeps more than a couple of hours a night . He’s currently pacing about his room rearranging toys. Getting lucky in the early days doesn’t mean you’ve got anything right and I guarantee once they are a year old and they’ve destroyed your house and smeared food over everything you own and you’ve had to listen to the same toy singing 500 times that day you’ll be developing tunnel vision to that magic 7pm bath and bedtime just like the rest of the mortals who need five minutes to breath, shit and eat something .

Obviously where I’m going wrong, my nap refusing 2.5 year old should be kept up until midnight and then she won’t wake us up several times a night 🙄 never mind the melt downs that would happen between her usual 6.30 bed time and midnight.

some kids sleep, some don’t. Our 4 yo was the dream from 6 months and slept 6-6 (we get up for work at 6). Our 2 yo has never slept a full night, she usually wakes up at least 3-4 times, she doesn’t need much sleep, it’s just the way she is wired.

Oh the naïveté of the PFB!

You think you've cracked in 3 months centuries of sleepless nights? 😂

Not everyone puts their children to bed at midnight because, and brace yourself, everyone is different. Your baby right now is happy with the routine, another wouldn't be. Your baby could change any day. Other babies and children need more sleep, some may need less just like adults.

You haven't discovered some amazing secret. Maybe take a minute to accept no one wants your useless advice and just enjoy your baby?

Your 3 month old needs more than 8 hours sleep a night.

I agree OP. When mine were babies they just stayed up until I went to bed. I also have never had any rigid routines around bedtime and that has always worked for us.

I’ve never put my kids to bed at that time, too early imo, even when they was young.

I think it is just a bit of a PFB thing to secretly (or not so secretly) think you've cracked something that everyone else seems to be missing. I was a bit like that with DD1 although never voiced it. It's only with the benefit of a second baby, DD1's temperament now and just being around babies a lot more than I can see that's just the way she was built and it was absolutely nothing we did. We were chilled and laid back because she allowed us to be, not the other way round!

What’s the plan for when your DC starts school and still won’t go to bed before midnight?

So what does your baby do between 6pm and midnight? You don’t put them to bed at that age anyway as they need to be in the same room as you… your baby going for an 8 hour stretch at that age is lovely, but it’s not a full nights sleep (nowhere near long enough for that age). Also with one 3 month old you have absolutely no clue about how to parent a toddler or child yet, none of us do at that point, but thinking you’ve cracked it is hilariously naive.

My 3yo and 4yo can go to bed at 6.30, or 8.30, and will still wake up between 6 and 6.30. The only difference is that the later they go to bed the more cranky they will be by dinner time the next day. If it's been 8.30 the night before they're utter shits by the time we get to dinner. They have absolutely no concept of a lie in.

Let us know how you’re doing when you have number two thinking this parenting lark is a doddle.

I remember when I was 3 months into parenting too, I thought I knew it all as well.

Turns out now I'm 21 years into it that actually I knew fuck all, every baby and child is different, and I shouldn't have smugly thought I was doing everything right, I was just lucky - as baby number 2 proved.

🤣