AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

You have one child who is three months old and are basing your experience of sleep.prpblems on this?

Oh my sweet summer child, karma is listening and you are going to get your arse handed to you at some point.

Newborn and infant sleep is completely pot luck. You can set up optimal conditions for good sleep - nice routine, no distractions, and so on - but ultimately its luck. I had a baby who slept all night more or less from birth, that conned me into having another one and that one didn't sleep through the night until they were over three years old.

Babies need around 10-15 hours a day, children under five need around 10-12 hours, even teens need around 8-10 hours. Obviously these are averages, some will need more and other will need less. That non-sleeping baby of mine is 9yrs old now and only needs around 5-6 hours.

People know their DC and they will have a rough idea of how much sleep they need and what time they need to go to bed in order to avoid being an overtired mess.

Oh for goodness sake, you have a 3 month old good sleeper. Your judgmental tone and assumption that you know anything about other people’s children is ridiculous.

Get over yourself. You are the kind of parent the rest of us avoid.

BAHAHAHAHA.

Come back to us when your toddler didn't sleep, your day started at 6 with the getting dressed battle, the breakfast battle and the drop off battle before your full day at work, which then went directly to the pick up battle, the dinner battle and the bedtime battle.

Then tell us you don't want the toddler asleep by 8 so that you can tidy up after dinner, sort the laundry, organise bags for tomorrow and maybe have One Fucking Hour Off watching Netflix.

I agree OP.

My baby went to bed when we did and slept through until 8am.

Only this past week do they now go to bed 7-7.30.

The parents at baby group putting their baby down to sleep at 6pm and then being perplexed they don’t stay there until 6.30am baffled me. If they just put their baby to bed a few hours later there would be more of a chance of them sleeping through I think.

Lots of bitchiness about sleep regressions on this thread. Don't worry OP. I have never experienced a 'sleep regression' with any of my DC. Don't listen to the spite

But anyway, I always put DD down at 6.30 and she wakes up about 7am. It's because I want my evening child free

LOL

My 4yr old has slept 6.30 to 6.30 from the age of 12 weeks bar sleep regressions and illness so how about I grade you a ‘C’ OP pmsl

Waiting for OP to drip feed that she has three other children and really is experienced enough to advise us all...

😂 Very normal for a 3 month old to go to bed at the same time as parents. When they get older though they can sleep for longer periods so go to bed earlier. My 1st used to be ready for bed at 7, he’d wake at 2 for a quick 20 minute feed then sleep until 6, quick feed and sleep until 8. My 2nd woke hourly. It’s because, brace yourself, all babies are different.

My children went to bed at 6pm at one point as they left for school at 7am (which started at 7.25am).

Now they are older, go to school in the UK... and go to bed at 8pm. To read or sleep... because those two hours of solitude with adult tv after a long day keeps me sane sometimes.

Oh no 🙈 Cringing for you.

I'm cackling at this OP, honestly. Wait till the 4 month sleep regression... And the 6 month... And 9 month... And around a year also (for starters).

Huge difference in bedtimes for young babies and bedtime for toddlers/older kids. My toddler goes up at 8/half 8 and sleeps through till 8. She used to come to bed at the same time as us when she was that small but, as you will learn, things change. Fast.

And you will look back at this post and roll your eyes at yourself so hard you'll give yourself whiplash.

Don't worry OP. I have never experienced a 'sleep regression' with any of my DC. Don't listen to the spite

You got lucky. That's all it is luck. It's not spite to say its very likely that the OP will be regretting their smugness in the very likely instance of a sleep regression.

We probably should laugh at the OP too mich, everyone is entitled to be a little bit smug with their first DC. It is nice you have a good sleeper, OP, the days are so much easier to handle when you've had a proper sleep.

Ah just wait until your child decides not sleep at all. Or come back and tell us when your school age child can’t stay awake for a 12pm bedtime 🙄

At 3 months mine went down at 8pm woke for a feed at 11 then slept till 6.30. Plus an hour nap after lunch by 8 months they slept 7.30 to 6.30 with no feed.

I completely agree - it's always baffled me and seemed completely alien! As someone who spent a lot of time in Europe as well as Asia, where kids are generally awake later with the adults, I've always found it odd. A woman I know puts her kids (including her now 8 year old) to bed at 6.30 and then constantly wonders why he's up at 4.30am!

It's probably because they are tired, no?

None of mine ever went to bed that early, unfortunately.

Just to be clear, my baby at 3 months didn’t really go down to sleep at all…. Maybe around 2 or 3 am. So I am not reacting because I recognise myself in your judgment!

Someone I know puts her boy down for the night at 5.30pm! I think that's far too early. And that's not even in winter, summer as well.

Ah OP! You’re getting a right pasting on this thread, and perhaps with just 3 months parenting experience under your belt, you might still have some lessons to learn. But I do actually agree with you (and I have a lot more than 3 months experience!)
if it’s any help, I think it’s often a trade-off between loosing us our adult time in the evening but getting a bit longer in bed in the morning or putting your kids to bed earlier but knowing you’ll be up early in the morning. I think we make that choice as parents based on our own preferences but this is also, to a certain extent, determined by genetics so if parents are late risers, they’re more likely to have kids who are too…. (and before anyone jumps on me, I know there are plenty of exceptions to that rule!)

I'm pleased you've found a timetable that works for you. But be prepared to be flexible - things could well change.

All babies are different. All families are different.

Don't judge others or think that they've got it wrong/you've got it right. There are a lot of phases to navigate over the coming years. Some you'll breeze through, others will be tough. Just like all parents.

And people mentioning the sleep regression, I never had that with either of my DDs so maybe it doesn't happen with all babies?

Is this your first??

You lost me at "my three month old..."