AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

Aw bless you OP.

I’m so glad my good sleeper was my second dc. It prevented me from thinking it was anything to do with what I was or wasn’t doing.

This! DS1 slept like an angel from ridiculously early on, and I was (silently!) a bit smug. Then DS2 arrived, and didn't sleep through til he was nearly 3 😱 Wouldn't nap either. DS1 is now 14, and still loves his sleep. DS2 now 12, and still up early at the weekends 😭

My 3.5 yo sleeps roughly 10/11 hours a night as he has dropped the naps as well. I need him to be up at 7am so that means 8:00pm bed and fall asleep by 8:30/9 latest. If I put him to bed at 6:00/6:30pm then he will be up at 4/5am. Every child is different though but I've never put mine to bed at 6pm. I would rather have an hour less adult time in the evening then be woken up at 5am.

At 3 months they shouldn't be being put up to bed alone anyway, all three DC were down stairs until we went up until 6 months. Twins were still feeding every 3 hours anyway and didn't sleep through and eldest was in and out of hospital and on tube feeds but slept OK until 18 months

I put mine to bed at 7/7.30 and they slept until 7/7.30. YABU as little ones benefit from 12 hours sleep.

Same with mine.... people who say 'it's ok, they'll just sleep in' when I tell them I don't like keeping my kids up later have no idea.

They don't sleep later, they just wake up at normal and get crankier lol.

Mine goes down around half 8, fed again at 11.30 and usually awake at 7am. This is a baby though and things can change in an instant ! One night she might become a crap sleeper and remain a crap sleeper!
I kind of get what you’re saying though, I have a friend with 4 and 5 yo boys. They go down with a fight at 6.30pm after an hour bedtime routine that starts at 5.30pm. They’re up for the day at 4am! She has them on the park at 6.30am. I totally get why she puts them down early as she’s just done by 6pm. But surely you could start to push it back gradually? They get in from school at 4.15 and are in the bath by 5.30???

6.30pm was always too early for me, too.
I remember with both mine when they were transitioning to no nap when they were at nursery, I felt I was unusual in wanting to keep the nap for as long as possible, as it meant I would have some time in the evening after work before they needed to go to bed.

I think we pack our kids off to bed pretty early in the UK compared to other countries.

There are some mean responses to a new Mum here. She probably feels crap now. Good old anonymous forum, where you can sneer at someone to your hearts delight.

There was no “putting DD to bed”. She had colic and screamed like a banshee on her schedule and her schedule alone. She settled on 6.30pm as her time to finally conk out, nothing to do with me despite trying every routine/sleep book/settling style in the world. She had firm ideas: bed at 6.30pm in a pitch-dark room, absolutely NO sneaking out from me – I was still going to bed with her at 11 months and having to eat dinner over her head, she had ears like a bat and KNEW if I went anywhere – then woke hourly until 5/6am. Four years on she’s still very clear when she’s tired and wants to go to bed – she once started going upstairs demanding sleep at 3.30pm, and to her credit stayed in bed til 8am so obviously knew whereof she whinged – but at least she now sleeps through.

Anyway, good luck with the four-month sleep regression!

I put mine to bed by 7pm because any later and I missed the magic sleep window and they would stay awake extremely grumpy and crying for ages. Luckily they slept for 12-13 hours so no 2am wake ups unless they were ill or teething etc.

You should write a book, op 😊

And I've never really bought into the whole "they'll wake at 5am regardless" because twice a year our clocks change and we all accommodate that.

DS: slept from about 11.30pm to about 5.30am from five weeks. He had a little phase of sleeping from about 8pm to 5.30am. Then started waking at about 2am and bouncing off the walls until about 5.30am. It took until he was nearly three for us to realise he didn't need much sleep and 10pm to 6am was enough. It got worse when he was about 17 and would ring me from Lewisham High Street at 1am to tell me he was waiting for the night bus and had 2% battery. Then I so wished he was 18 months again and screaming from behind the cot bars.

DD - what can I say about dd. Except that had she been the first there probably wouldn't have been any more. She needed more sleep but night wakings.

I had very few spells of unbroken sleep between 1994 and 2002.

Should a 3 month old be going that long without a feed though?

@Babooshka1991 my baby would do 11.20-6am without a feed at 3 months
not all babies wake hourly at night

‘11.20’ is a typo for 11/12

You're going to really enjoy sleep regressions.

DD never slept for that long as a baby or a small child. I was so envious of parents with 12 hour sleepers. I had hoped that starting school would tire her out but nope she would still be wide awake at 8.30 at age 5 on a school night.

Unfortunately she makes up for it now ad she has CFS and needs such a lot of sleep.

Couldn’t have put it better myself.

What evidence do you have to back that up? I'm aware whatever child we get is just 'luck' but the both my DC slept well from birth and I know more people like that than I don't

Wether my 3 year old goes to bed at 7pm or 10pm her lovely little internal alarm clock wakes up her up at 6.30! So I may as well be getting more peace and quite on a night!

I agree too many parents put their DC to bed far too early (before 8). These families often end up in a cycle of feed DC supper, Bath, bed, and then adult supper later on. This isn’t good as the DC get older as family meals are really important family bonding time. It also means if the DC don’t settle, the parents get hangry as they’ve not eaten.

However, and this is a big one, midnight is far too late to be putting a baby/DC to bed imho. I think you have gone to the opposite extreme. I’m not sure what the consequences will be as I have never heard of any parents that kept a 3m old up until midnight. But they do exist and they will bite you.

Regardless of age I always put my children to bed at around 8pm, obviously bath and stories meant that bedtime started around 7.30pm. That still gave 2 hours of tv and time with DH, we used to all eat together at around 6.30pm.

I found most of my friends fed their children early and had them in bed for 6.30. My cultural background isn’t totally English though so maybe it’s that.

I'm only just beginning to be truthful about the time my 2 go to bed now they're in their teens. As I was a SAHM for a decade, there was no need to get them up in the mornings as preschoolers so we didn't. Supper has never been before 7pm (when DH got back from work) & is now about 9pm. Bedtime was 9-ish & is now between 10pm-11:30pm. Weekends & holidays we all wake up about 10am. It works for us but you get used to people looking at you like you're mad. Personally I'd rather have "my evening" sharing one meal with everyone then putting children repeatedly back into bed & serving two meals.
Interestingly DD1 who is 16 is now one of the ones in her year group who goes to bed relatively early at 1-ish, with large numbers of her class rebelling & staying up to silly o'clock in the morning on their devices.

I was feeding my DD every 2 hours round the clock from birth till ~ 11 months on medical instruction. Your experience is obviously quite different to mine.. I don't remember complaining or caring what other people's children were or were not doing. She didn't have a bedtime, I took her up with me when I went to bed. Does anyone have a ''bedtime'' for a 3 month old??

Once her medical issues were resolved bedtime was ~630pm until she was about 7 then gradually pushed back over the years, now its more 9pm. DD is now 13, she went to bed at 830pm tonight as she was feeling tired and wanted to snuggle up with a good book. Should I wake her up???

All children are different and it's rather naïve to suggest a 3 month baby's sleep pattern is in any way indicative of ''children's'' sleep patterns in general.. they do change quite a lot from 3 months onwards, every age/stage has different needs... check back in when you've done the first 3 years... I recall ages 18 month - 3 years with particular fondness..😂