AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

This is hilarious!!! A 3 month old isn't a child it's a baby!!! Wait until they're a 3 YEAR old and see how smart it is keeping them up until midnight. 🥴
Honestly... it must he tiring worrying about what everyone else is doing with their kids. Just trust most people are doing their best for their own situation and forget about it.

I have 3 mo twins and I need a few hours to myself. They sleep from 8-5 then back asleep til 7.30. I’m getting them into a routine for when they start school etc. do you really want a toddler running round til midnight?

As many, many others have said - ha ha that you feel qualified on this with a 3 month old to pass judgement on others. You might want to do some research on how much sleep babies and children actually need. My 20 month old sleeps for 12 + hours a night without waking up due to hunger thank you very much. My 2 nine year olds still get 10+ hours of sleep a night - and guess what, they're well rested, well adjusted, bright, creative kids. Not like the zombie children my teacher friends tell me they have to deal with daily because some parents let them stay up until all hours. Funnily enough it's not great for brain development to be tired constantly and it's a well known fact that babies and children need much more sleep than adults. So, that's the simple reason why other people don't go to bed at the same time as their children.

My daughter is 10 months old, her bedtime has been getting earlier the older she has gotten and she now is ready to sleep by 6.30pm and wakes at 6.30/7 ( with some night wake ups) I'm not going to force her to stay awake late . But at 3 months , she was probably going to sleep at 8 or 9pm. When I'm back at work I'd like her bedtime to be later so we can have a bit more time together, but again I'm not going to force her to stay awake. Anyway, even if you think you've got it figured out , it all changes pretty regularly .

Oh dear, this is Britain 😅

As a French person I am apparently a neglectful parent to think that humans eat around 8 pm (my face the first time I heard about eating at 5.30 pm !) and children go to bed between 8 pm (little ones) and 10 pm (older ones).

(Don't worry, I judge you guys too to consider potatoes as vegetables! :P )

Keep in mind that all the time I've lived in France I lived west of where I live now in the UK, but was on GMT+1/GMT+2 so if we adjust to British time it would be 7 pm to 9 pm actually, but my brain was still wired to think through numbers.

Of course if you're Spanish then eating at 8 pm must sound like heresy!

I did find this quite unique to Britain to be so culturally centered as if anyone is eating/sleeping late in France by French standards you would just hear the comment that they are eating at the Spanish time. This is definitely a side effect of being an international language, even with a multi-ethnic city as London, the openness on different cultures is limited by individuals often being monolingual.

The aim of my message is only to say that all of this only is a cultural norm, and no cultural norm is right or wrong, it's just having a false sense of superiority over another culture which has been the root cause of so much oppression that I believe we would all do good being mindful that was is right for one person isn't for another, and those are trivial things down the line.

Live and let live :)

Awww I remember being smug at the 3 month point. Thought that I was a natural with my wonderful magic sleeping baby.

From 4 months old, he didn’t sleep for more than 2-3 hours in a go 😂 That lasted till 15 months old.

Come back and tell us how you’re getting on in 6 months 😊

I agree with you OP. After around 3 weeks of attempting a bedtime routine and getting nowhere, I started putting baby to sleep at the same time as me, around 11pm, he was in a cot next to my bed, and honestly it was a game changer, suddenly he started sleeping until 8am. As he got older he actually slept more, from 6 months he started going down about 10pm till 8am then from about 1 year old he would go down about 9ish until 8am.

Maybe I just had it lucky but he’s always slept well, I could never understand when people would complain that there babies would wake at 5am but then they say that put them to bed at 6.30?? To me they have had a good sleep but of course they wanted an evening to themselves.

my little one is 6 now, he goes to bed at 8-8.30. It works itself out as they get older.

Do what works for you. It sounds like it’s working so far x

Lol. My 5mo is currently going to bed at 5.30pm 😂 No parenting awards for me.

She’s my third, so I’ve learned to just focus on whatever gets me through.

Our youngest would wake up at 6am regardless if we put him to bed at 6:30, 7:30, 8:30 or 9:30. Believe me we tried.

But thanks for the advice based on your wealth of 3 months experience.

😂

I don't know anyone who puts their children to bed at that time. That is dinnertime not bedtime

My son woke up every two to four hours regardless of what I did. And trust me... We tried everything known to man.
He didn't sleep properly until he was about 3 and even then it was about 9pm till 5am

Yabu to think every child sleeps like yours

They don't. Most people are just getting the sleep they can and need those few hours in the evening to make all the other time bearable

Aaah. So looking forward to your next post in a few months time 🤣🤣🤣

Let us know how you get on with that when your child is one years old and into everything so you need eyes in the back of your head and can never sit down while he's awake, or two years old running wild, or five years old and full of questions and no longer napping during the day so you don't get a break then either. People put their kids to bed early because their kids need the sleep or because the parents need time to themselves. At the moment you can sit and relax and watch whatever you want on the TV while they feed and snooze, but you've got about three months of that stage left at most. Some kids also get up earlier in the morning if they are over tired. If I put my five year old to bed at 8pm or later he's guaranteed to be up by 6am latest and grumpy for the rest of the day, whereas if I get him to sleep by 7 he'll likely sleep for a full 12 hours (that's not uncommon by the way).

You lie in bed until 11am every day?! No school or pre school or a job on the scene then?? That’s setting them up great for their future, what an example well done 🙄

Stupid thread OP.

I would keep my baby downstairs with me at 3 months and take her up once I went to bed but now she's older (16months) she goes to bed at 8pm-8am then has an afternoon nap 1-2.30. Children, especially babies need their sleep to function and learn. Try looking after a angry tired toddler. 😭
We work so me and my partner is in bed by 11 anyway but it's nice to get a bit of time to ourselves and time to catch up on housework and that.

😂😂😂😂😂
Are you a parenting expert now?
You couldn't put a 5 yr old to bed at midnight, they need their sleep to learn and that's a proven scientific fact.

YABU. Babies need feeding in the night - toddlers and pre schoolers don’t.

Toddlers still need 13-14 hours sleep though, and if they’ve dropped their day time nap they need to be going to bed around 6.30/7pm. Our DS (3.5) goes asleep around 7.10pm and wakes up approx 6.30am.

I have to agree with you OP! Mine never went down early, they napped and then went up with us to bed. They had no trouble adapting to a bed time routine when they were a little older. They are 6 and 8 now, go to bed at a reasonable time and generally sleep well But, different strokes for different folks, what works for some doesn’t work for others. No judgement either way!

This!
Once Ds2 was out of the newborn stage he was a terrible sleeper and still is now at 10 months old.

I totally agree mine are 21 16 8 5 4 and 4 months so I not giving advice as a newbie. They never went to bed at 6 - 6:30 everyone I knew sent their kids to bed early then complained about their kids waking early. They are in awe of mine sleeping till 7am 8am on the weekend but refuse to move bed times. Each to their own I guess but for now I enjoy my chills in bed in the mornings 🌄

I totally get you on this. I used to turn up after to work to see my niece and she would already be asleep. With my kids, I wanted to see them after work. I suppose people are saying don’t judge those who do get their kids to bed early, and as your child gets older you will get them to bed earlier. In the meantime, enjoy the warm snuggles with your baby and get your sleep whilst you can.

Ok so for all those picking at the Op because of her 3 months experience I have 30 years experience and I agree with her Never understood 6.30 bed time !

At 3 months mine were wherever I was, not always awake iirc most of the time they were sleeping . 2 went through a stage of cluster feeding from 8 till god knows what time before I took them up to bed. None of mine slept through as little babies though and you can't keep a 3 month old awake until 12 unless they are happy to!

At that age its easy to sit around downstairs with them on you dozing etc while you watch TV or chat to your partner, unless you have a baby that has colic or something

You may not feel the same way when you have a 7 + month old rolling around and wanting attention all day until 12 o'clock !

2 of mine went through a stage as toddlers of wanting to go to bed at 6/6.30

If you have 30 years of experience, I have 28 then you must realise all babies and toddlers are different? None of my 4 had the same sleeping habits, same with my dgc