He took something without telling me.

[WildCountry]

Name changed long term user. I'm just after a little perspective here...

I recently stopped my son's iPad use for a week due to unacceptable behaviour. His iPad was placed out of reach to wait until he was allowed it back.

My partner (who is long term but I do not live with) decided to take the IPad with him when he left the house today (will be gone several days). He did this without telling me to 'help me not to give in to my son who will ask for his old bck before a week'.

I am about the replace the iPad anyway (at Christmas) and had mentioned this to my sister. She has now asked if she can buy the old one off me and wants to see pictures and serial numbers etc to check if she wants it.

I spent half an hour searching the house for this iPad before calling my boyfriend to find he had taken it without asking me.

AIBU to be angry at this? I understand that it's easier to resist giving in early and giving the iPad back if it's not even here, but shouldn't I have been asked if I wanted this 'help'? I have an uncomfortable feeling about this. I know he hasn't stolen it in any way, but it's still been taken from me without my knowledge or permission.

Treating you like a child ("for your own good") & so rude not to say something which has caused you wasted time & stress. Arsehole.

He's massively overstepped and needs to apologise and back off.

It’s set up as a child and all locked down so nothing can be bought etc. the iPad itself is worth very little as it’s old.

I do not believe he wants it for anything other than what he has said. It’s just that he didn’t ask! I feel like a child myself now!

He's effectively completely undermined you as a parent. By taking control away from you and putting it firmly in his hands he is not allowing you to parent your own son.

The fact that he thinks it's okay to remove your sons belongings to control your behaviour and by extension your sons behaviour is actually a little chilling.

and by being someone who can't apologise or own up when he makes a mistake he's not being a particularly good role model for your child either despite the fact he clearly thinks he is the better at parenting

yanbu. if you want to help someone, the usual courtesy is to ask if it would be helpful if he took it away. he didn't do that. and neither did he ask if you needed his help. he asssumes you can't cope - and that alone would be enough to put me off. assumption of needing his help to deal with it undermines your authority and is pretty arrogant and disrespectful. not a man who understands equality by his actions... poor you needs his help is what he screams. i would be furious.

When you speak to him just make it clear how you feel and that he should have asked first. He may not realise until you say. Hopefully this will be problem solved

He has decided that he thinks your parenting is either wrong or inadequate, or that you will give in, and he considers that wrong.

So he has taken it upon himself to parent YOU. You, in his eyes, are wrong, therefore he has to step in.

MASSIVE red flag.

He is controlling you. And your child, and views, by extension. Fuck no

I was going to say its controlling too but this jumped out at me

he (with some justification) thinks I will not see the punishment through on my own

Why aren't you following through? Thats going to mess your child up more as he isn't learning about consequences to his actions.

I’m not asserting that my parenting is perfect and that I don’t welcome his support. But that isn’t really the issue here.

We even spoke on the phone earlier today before I discovered it was missing. He had plenty of time to explain what he’d done if for some reason he thought there was no way of telling me beforehand.

I wasted my time looking and I do feel a bit chilled by it.

The message he's giving you here is that he is the household police.

He's telling you that you can't be trusted to make sure DS gets the full consequence of his choices.

Your DP has undermined you here. No wonder your son is testing you.

Get the iPad back.

Dump the twat.

How unattractive

I feel like a child myself now!

And that was his intention...think about his thought processes on this? He decided to take this course of action and then choose not to tell you. When asked about it he didn't apologise

He thinks he knows best. If he isn't open to challenge that's a concern for any future conflicts

This is really weird. Is he controlling in any other ways?

Thing is he's not actually part of the household is he? He's not actually in the stepdad role that might make this a little more explainable.
Massively, massively overstepped the mark.
If he won't accept he's done anything wrong though, what are you going to do about it?. And if nothing, what will you do the next time it happens and then the next........?

And has he brought it back now?

Wtaf

Who does he think he is, the fucking morality police?

Get the tablet back and then dump him

What a twat

I’m not asserting that my parenting is perfect and that I don’t welcome his support

^

You were doing fine before you met him though, weren't you?

Is it possible your welcome his support because he subtly undermines you making you feel your parenting isn't good enough?

Is your sons behaviour standard for his age and your parents has unrealistic expectations

Is your son playing up because actually he is getting mixed messages about discipline from the two of you and he needs reassurance from you of your boundaries

Is this really the first instance of him treating you like a little naughty child who needs to be controlled? Because it seems a little strange to go from nothing to this

HE STOLE YOUR SONS IPAD

I don't care about what reasons he gave when you confronted him.

He took an expensive item that belonged to your son from your house without the permission of the owner, or the owners mother.

That is theft.

And don't even get me started on the fact that when you couldn't find it you could have ended up spending all day accusing your son of having taken it back. What a shit show that would have been.

He had NO RIGHT to take something that doesn't belong to him from your house.

I don't care how "nice" he is. He is a thief.

Absolutely this!

And don't even get me started on the fact that when you couldn't find it you could have ended up spending all day accusing your son of having taken it back. What a shit show that would have been.

Actually this point by @Boiledbeetle is extremely important.

He deliberately didn't tell you this, leaving you in a situation which could have caused you massive issues in your relationship with your son and further undermined your relationship as his mother.

Statistically speaking I would be very wary of a male partner trying to break down channels of communication between a mother and child by disrupting their relationship.

He's treating you like another child.

Wtf.

He's either a thief or a massively controlling bellend that needs to know his place.

I think you need to get rid.

You're the parent here. If you can't see a punishment through, without 'help' don't give it in the first place.

He's overstepped all sorts of boundaries. Don't put up with it

I'm absolutely gobsmacked that he thought this was okay and didn't tell you until you mentioned it.

What a horrible thing to do