To feel a bit inconvenienced

[OngoingCrisis]

For a little bit of background, I'm early(ish) 20's, still living in my childhood home, just me and my mum.

My mum has been seeing someone for just under 5 years but has not introduced us to eachother, but she has met his child, so everything is kept relatively private, I won't lie, I do feel left out, but back to the main point.

She had told me this morning that she wants to invite him to our house so they can have a date night and she'd like me out of the house from 2-9pm. Now, this wouldn't have been an issue if she has told me earlier this week, as I could have made plans to go somewhere, but now I'm stuck trying to find somewhere to go and stay for 7 hours. I've contacted friends to see if they are available but no response yet and I'm running out of ideas.

I'm not sure what to do or where to go. Do I just sit in my car the entire time? Dad has been in and out of my life since I was a young kid so I don't feel comfortable going to him. Tbh I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing but would like some perspective please

AIBU to feel a bit inconvenienced?

Forgot to mention, I live in a small city where everything shuts at 4:30pm on a sunday so I'm struggling to find places that I can sit in/ do things for a while

How weird. Where have they been doing date nights for the past 5 years? His house presumably. Is there a reason why she can't go to his?

That’s pretty short notice. Could you drive to a nearby cinema?

Not allowing you to meet after so long is very strange.
Is there a chance your mum feels the time has come for you to look at living outwith the family home?

@MollieMarie Yes they've been at his house or out at restaurants etc but I think my mum would like to be in her own space this time

I was going to suggest the cinema, if you can get to one, but it's rubbish of your mum to turf you out for the night with so little notice!

@NoDairyNoProblem I've said I want to move out but my mum has made it clear that she wants me to stay home until I'm fully ready and able to move out. I have considered the cinema but I don't get paid until next week and I'm low on fuel (I work PT and am FT student) which is why I've been trying to see if my friends are free to meet up and do something relatively cheap

Do you drive? If so I’d just drive around, grab a drive thru McDonald’s, go sit down by the beach. What about getting a day pass to a leisure centre and spending a couple hours in the gym and swimming?

That sounds very uncomfortable, OP. Tell your mum you have done your best to find somewhere to go but you can't find anywhere at this amount of notice. Suggest that she changes the date or introduces you and you will make yourself scarce.

Any idea why your mum is so private after all these years? I do think she is acting strange.

YANBU

I think that is hurtful to tell you to get out of your own home for the sake of your mother's boyfriend that she hasn't even introduced you to yet.

I understand she might want some privacy for her 'date night', but she's putting him before you.

I would refuse and say that it would be a good opportunity to meet him and say hello and then you'll stay in your room for the evening.

It is important to ask - do you contribute in some way to the costs/running of the household? I think this does make a difference to how you are perceived - if you do then cannot be thrown out for the inconvenience of other residents. Even in a shared flat this would be unreasonable.

@adiosamigoo Hi, yes I do drive. Gym is a good shout but I don't think I can stay there for 7 hours 😅 the nearest beach to me is 100 miles away and I'm low on fuel. I've asked some more friends to see if they're available so we can do something cheap and cheerful

Occupying yourself for 7 hours isn't a lot, it's short notice but fair enough she wants some space. If you're living at home, then your financial predicament seems surprising. How are you so short of money that you can't afford the cinema or a few hours in the pub?

That's bizarre.

Has this come right out of the blue after 5 years, or has she spoken about it before?

Also, you're a grown woman and if you want to move out you don't need your mum's permission.

I feel like something is missing here?

@willingtolearn yes I do pay rent, £300 per month, I work part time and I'm a full time student in my final year. I do a lot of the cooking and I clean up after myself (as I should)

@DuplicateUserName No, not out of the blue, I've known about the relationship from the beginning but she just says she's not ready to introduce. I know I don't need permission to leave home, I just don't have the means to yet. Once I've graduated (next year) and get FT work I'll be saving up to leave home :)

This seems very strange. 5 years and yoi have never met him?
How old is his child?
Assuming you contribute to the running of the household its a bit unreasonable of your mother to throw you out for the day!!

Have I got this right? Your mum has not brought her bf to her house for 5 years because you live there? Not convenient for her I imagine.
Get a flask, a sandwich and read a book somewhere.

I would be looking to move out. It's unfair to spring it on you like that. Can't you just stay upstairs out of the way?

This all sounds terrible. Why haven't you met him in 5 years? Have you asked her?
I'd tell her that you've done all you can to find a way to be out but you're out of options. Do you and your mother have an otherwise good relationship because this sounds entirely bizarre.

She's told you that you can live there until you're ready to leave, but she's asking you to be absent from your home for that length of time. I think that's unreasonable. Where does she expect you to go when you have very little money, no-one to visit and it's very cold outside?

If this is going to become a regular request, you might want to rent a room and move out.

Why won't she introduce you, I wonder?

@2catsandhappy he has been to our house before but she only invites him over if I'm out of the house e.g at work or out with friends

@Georgeskitchen The child is 10

Sorry I meant has the decision to invite him round today just come out of the blue after 5 years, or has she mentioned it in the week or something?

Very strange to spring it on you a few hours beforehand.

If she wants you to go out and you haven't been paid yet then she needs to give you some money for a night out. Cinema, food, transport (petrol for car/public transport fare). Otherwise it's "sorry mum I haven't the money to go out".

As you pay to live there I would suggest you get yourself some snacks and stay in your room. I wouldn't be hanging about for 7 hours doing things I can ill afford.

@IntrovertedPenguin she wants a free house to staying upstairs isn't an option. I'd feel uncomfortable anyway as I don't know the guy