To feel a bit inconvenienced

[OngoingCrisis]

For a little bit of background, I'm early(ish) 20's, still living in my childhood home, just me and my mum.

My mum has been seeing someone for just under 5 years but has not introduced us to eachother, but she has met his child, so everything is kept relatively private, I won't lie, I do feel left out, but back to the main point.

She had told me this morning that she wants to invite him to our house so they can have a date night and she'd like me out of the house from 2-9pm. Now, this wouldn't have been an issue if she has told me earlier this week, as I could have made plans to go somewhere, but now I'm stuck trying to find somewhere to go and stay for 7 hours. I've contacted friends to see if they are available but no response yet and I'm running out of ideas.

I'm not sure what to do or where to go. Do I just sit in my car the entire time? Dad has been in and out of my life since I was a young kid so I don't feel comfortable going to him. Tbh I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing but would like some perspective please

AIBU to feel a bit inconvenienced?

Firstly, as a mother of 4 adults I feel your mother is wrong for not formally introducing you before now.

Secondly, to ask you to vacate your home for a boyfriend you have not even met is unreasonable.

I'm Welsh and blunt but if it was me, I would say "Mum, don't you think it's about time you introduce me to him. Then perhaps say, I am happy to stay in my room for a few hours but I have nowhere to go".

It's just your and your mum at home and I feel she is being totally wrong to force you out of your home like this.

Blueroses99 · Today 08:18
Full time students who decide to live at home are expected to live at home until they graduate, surely? The funding etc is all set up this way for them“

No, they inform SF of a change of circumstances and their loan or grant is adjusted up or down accordingly.

I'm so sorry this relationship with your mum is so very conditional and you seem to only get 'love bombed' when your mother feels better about herself or needs something from you.
As weird as this sounds, maybe the silver lining here is you reached out and it seems that your mother may have a narcissistic streak. You deserve unconditional love and to be heard Nd seen and given affection and help.
These are absolute requirements for a child to grow up with a healthy sense of self and self esteem. Without having a childhood that gave you those things, life may feel harder for you than for others.
But the good thing is , to find out early. I'm48 and have only just realised my mother had these tendencies.
Perhaps it might be helpful to look into narcissistic traits and see if you can see your mother in there. And from there how this will have affected lots of parts of you.
Good luck! You did brilliant work by reaching out. You are obviously a strong women.

And I think that you lack reading comprehension.

Firstly, her mother originally wanted £600 a month from her. The OP managed to negotiate that down to £300, which is far more reasonable. So yes, the OP’s mother comes across as a bit of a money grabber/greedy.

Secondly, the OP’s mother didn’t ‘Sub’ her petrol money. She gave it to her off her own back. The OP didn’t ask for it.

You’ve also decided the OP has zero savings - again not true.

Also, how do you know the mothers reasons for not introducing OP to her boyfriend? You’ve written that like it’s fact. Unless you know the OP’s mother and have spoken to her, your statement is pure fantasy.

You’ve made an awful lot of assumptions about the OP.

Can't you book a night out in a hotel? Maybe a Travelodge or something? You could suggest to her that she contribute to the cost?

My opening line

“I think”

Not meeting the guy after five years is downright weird. Time to move out hun, it's not going to improve.

Ok thank you. I was responding to the poster asking why OP was living at home at her age. I don’t think it’s unusual for a full time student to live at home if that’s what they have agreed with their parent. I also don’t think a final year student should be moving out mid-year if it can be helped.

OP, on another note, please talk to your nan about going to her at Christmas. You can tell her you are going to be alone otherwise, which she might not realise if she assumes you will be with your mum.

@Dillydollydingdong it happened on Sunday. The situation has been and gone. You're a bit late.

But what you “think”, has already been proved incorrect, as the OP had already clarified in previous posts. So none of the things you assumed, were true.

There hAve been some great replies on here regarding therapy and the freedom program. I too will be looking to do this course.
I just can't understand a mother choosing a man over her child regardless the age of the child, and at Christmas too. That's just awful. I feel so hurt for you.
Honestly, if you live anywhere near the ’shires’ or want to drive this way there will be a place set for you for Christmas lunch if you would like to join us.
I think you are admirably strong and resilient. Chin up. Huge mom hug.🤗

OMG I just want to give you a big hug. Personally the fact that your mother has been with this guy, met this guys 10yr old, has not introduced you to him, spends Christmas with him over being at home with you or including you in the celebration & e pacts you to just stay home alone on Christmas Day is a while load of red flags for me & it makes me wonder what sort of person he is!
Sadly your mum is not treating you fairly within the household either.
You pay into the home so that place is your place to use as much as hers, no matter how much or how little you pay into the household, & she really shouldn’t just expect you to disappear or not be there every time she wants to bring him over.

For what reason is she hiding him?
It just seems so weird & it is totally not fair of her to make you feel unwelcome & uncomfortable in your own home.
Christmas is just inexcusable. I’d be making other arrangements for Christmas this year & if people ask where she is tell them they will have to ask her.
In essence she needs to grow up, stop hiding the relationship like it is a dirty little secret & stop making you an unwilling participant in her lie!

You are making a lot of assumptions. I already stated I was low on funds as I have not yet been paid from work. I don't ask for money from my mom or expect money from her. I have my own savings. If you are going to keep assuming things then please leave the thread. And for you to say "life could be a lot worse", I feel that you have ignored everything else on the thread and are purely concentrating on the financial side of things

Thank you, this has made me feel quite emotional

merry what a lovely post

Hugs for you.

Is it possible your mum may feel threatened by you? This may sound strange but almost doesn’t want him to see you, like she’s worried about an attraction thing?
Her actions appear very selfish. The thought of leaving one one of my children alone Christmas Day is upsetting.
I wish I could give you a big hug. You may feel lonely, but you’re not alone and can always reach out here for support.
Finish uni, secure a job, change of scenery - perhaps move into a new area. A flat share could be an option if it’s more affordable. Get some hobbies, meet some new friends and spend time/occasions with people who show their love for you. My family have always been shit, my friends are my family. I adore them, and I’ve met them of them later in life. They really look out for me, as do I them. Friends become your family.
Best of luck to you sweetheart, you sound like a lovely, compassionate young lady.

Churches/community centres often have a Christmas lunch on Christmas day and boxing day, you could sign up to volunteer or just be a guest, they're always happy to welcome new folk :)

indeed it’s hard but can be done. My 18 yr old had to rent room in a share house for 4 years when attending fulltime uni in another city which happens to be one of the most expensive in the world, plus work to pay the rent and bills. I feel this experience have her confidence, mature and grow as a person. I think getting away from mum and establishing own little place in the world will make OP happier.

Didn’t mean that first comment to come off as rude. However, it’s hard but can be done. My 18 yr old had to rent room in a share house for 4 years when attending fulltime uni in another city which happens to be one of the most expensive cities in the world, plus she has to work to pay the rent and bills while doing a fulltime degree. I feel this experience have her confidence, mature and grow as a person. I think getting away from your mum and establishing own little place in the world will make you happier. You will also get out a meet people and establish other friends. Not sure what is up with mum but maybe some time apart is what you both need before the relationship is damaged. Mums will always love their daughter no matter what. But I think it might be healthier for you to spread your wings a little. All the best

I think your Mum is being unreasonable and very unfair to you!1 And I think you need to prioritise moving out as soon as you can !!

A difficult situation 😕.

Just to say re student accommodation.
Many students drop out during the course or move into private accommodation for so many reasons. Some courses finish in December.
Most unis have a department that helps students who are struggling and you should contact them and see what accommodation they have available.
They would help you get a maintenance grant/loan - depending on Your DM;s circumstances to cover the accommodation until you finish your course, even if it is the last year. or if there is a social media housing group where students advertise if they have a spare place in their house shares.
It's worth contacting the the uni accommodation dept because it does sound like this is affecting your ability to study. I think being asked to stay out of the house from 2-9 pm on a Sunday is a prime example of you not having a warm comfortable place to study.

Being as you pay £300 per month towards the home I would ask her could she spare 20 quid as 7 hours is a heck of a long time to find something to do on short notice and shortage of funds. She's being very unreasonable. The fact that she has not introduced you to a man she has been dating for 5 years is extremely odd behaviour. Does she have any mental health issues?