To feel a bit inconvenienced

[OngoingCrisis]

For a little bit of background, I'm early(ish) 20's, still living in my childhood home, just me and my mum.

My mum has been seeing someone for just under 5 years but has not introduced us to eachother, but she has met his child, so everything is kept relatively private, I won't lie, I do feel left out, but back to the main point.

She had told me this morning that she wants to invite him to our house so they can have a date night and she'd like me out of the house from 2-9pm. Now, this wouldn't have been an issue if she has told me earlier this week, as I could have made plans to go somewhere, but now I'm stuck trying to find somewhere to go and stay for 7 hours. I've contacted friends to see if they are available but no response yet and I'm running out of ideas.

I'm not sure what to do or where to go. Do I just sit in my car the entire time? Dad has been in and out of my life since I was a young kid so I don't feel comfortable going to him. Tbh I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing but would like some perspective please

AIBU to feel a bit inconvenienced?

I'm assuming she's told him she's younger than she is and therefore doesn't want you to meet him. It's crap. If a friend or ur nan are happy for you to go fair enough otherwise I'd say no. Really poor about Xmas I feel for you op .

This can only be written by someone who lives near a mcdonalds and a beach!

@Barkin2themoon I have tried to bring it up before but my mom just makes me feel like I'm being dramatic. The last time I mentioned the whole thing, she had a right go at me and I felt really embarrassed

He’s married, isn’t he? 😒

Why else would she be keeping him secret after so long, and not letting you meet him?

healthadvice123 · Today 12:12
@MrsSkylerWhite and you don't think its strange in 5 years she hasn't introduced her partner , Op could go out for a few hrs then come home, its her home to she pays rent. The OP mum is happy to have the £300 rent but not introduce her child to a partner of 5 Years !!!! She only asked Op this morning to make herself scarce as well and OP works and is at uni so is out the house a fair bit , so the OP mum has had plenty of time to herself
Are you the OP mums and have seen the thread and not found anyone that agrees“

No, I’m not 🤣
Yes, I do find the 5 year thing weird, I said so previously.
Our eldest was very independent and left at 16 (their choice). Our youngest is 19 and living with us while studying. We all have very close relationships. I suppose I’m struggling to understand why it’s so hard for an adult to occupy themselves for 7 hours when the person they live with has asked for privacy for the first time in years but given other people’s responses accept that’s an unusual view.

no need for the I hope you don’t have children comments, though. We do, happy ones who we see most days, grandchild too. No need for vitriol because someone doesn’t agree 🤷‍♀️

Good for your Nan, your mother doesn’t deserve you or your rent, do what ever you can to move on soon. Don’t keep secrets for her.

Also have you considered a house share they are usually fairly affordable for students

tell your nan op

@nophonesonbed I have considered it, I did have a couple of viewings before but nothing came of it. I've been looking for places to rent but don't earn enough yet

not good to have secrets

He's either married and doesn't want anyone knowing about this relationship, or he's abusive and is isolating / cutting off your mum from her support network, including you. He can be both married and abusive, of course. I'd smell trouble and I'd be worried about your mum's wellbeing. Unfortunately it's up to your mum, and not you, to resolve this.

It's a good idea to suggest that you'd like to meet him. Not necessarily today, in general. Your mum's response to this request will reveal a lot.

I would also look into moving out asap. It will be easier with the a full time job, sure, but there's nothing stopping you from trying to find a room now.

Its the mums choice to be weird about the situation, not OPs.

The mum can easily go to her partners like she normally does.

I think she is unreasonable. If you pay £300/month for your room, it really is not on to turf you out for an evening with no notice. As others have said, it is also an odd relationship if your mum has been seeing this man for 5 years and will not let you meet him.

However, if you are a student, you can go to the university library and get some work done, and maybe go to the student bar to have a meal and meet people.

I don't understand why you would not apply for the higher loan you can get if not living at home and move out.

Plot thickens. So as far as others know your mum spends Christmas with you? I bet your nan would hate it if she knew you were left to spend Christmas alone. What on earth is your mum playing at/hiding?

You are stronger than you think Op, she’s guilting you and I promise you’ll feel better if you take control and stop letting her do it. Direct your energies into becoming independent from her .

Depending where you live OP you may be able to get a room share! My son just moved in one for 400 a month all bills included.
I don't think the issue is just about been out. I think the bigger issue is not meeting him.
I think you and your mum need to have a good sit down and talk about it. I have children the same age as you and I would not be spending Christmas with a boyfriend. You are a family but your mum does not see that! I think it's time she started been honest with you. What would happen if you refused to go out? I think this issue needs dealing with and you may have to upset the apple cart to get to the bottom of it.

Totally agree. That is her home, I just couldn't ask my daughter to do this. The whole thing is just off to me, 5 years. If I was happy with someone for that long I would be proud to introduce them to my children.

@Monkey2001 uni is closed on sunday and they've got rid of the student bar (budget cuts, a lot of courses also dropped) but, my nan has replied to my text and said she'll cook us dinner

He's not married. Why would he be inviting his OW to have Christmas Dinner with him and his wife? 😂

5 years????? Jesus Christ that is half a decade!! And she’s not “ready”

OP - time to get a bit tough and set some boundaries with your mother.

Just read your update about your nan, that's really good. You must tell her about this situation at home, keeping it secret will just mean it'll continue to be unhealthy and damaging for everyone involved, for longer.

I agree with this. Speak to your man about it!

I hear what people are saying about telling my nan but I don't feel like it's my place to say anything. I know my mom would be upset/angry with me if I told my nan and I just don't want to rock the boat. When my mom is very upset with me, the atmosphere at home is unbearable and I feel like I'm on eggshells

Another update: my mom has sent me some money for fuel which I am grateful for

I'm shocked at this post.

You're a full time student, but your mum actually takes £300 rent a month off you????? Not in a million years would I ask my student DS for rent and keep.

Leaving you alone for Xmas every year? What on earth is she thinking?

I'm so sorry OP. This is not normal.