To feel a bit inconvenienced

[OngoingCrisis]

For a little bit of background, I'm early(ish) 20's, still living in my childhood home, just me and my mum.

My mum has been seeing someone for just under 5 years but has not introduced us to eachother, but she has met his child, so everything is kept relatively private, I won't lie, I do feel left out, but back to the main point.

She had told me this morning that she wants to invite him to our house so they can have a date night and she'd like me out of the house from 2-9pm. Now, this wouldn't have been an issue if she has told me earlier this week, as I could have made plans to go somewhere, but now I'm stuck trying to find somewhere to go and stay for 7 hours. I've contacted friends to see if they are available but no response yet and I'm running out of ideas.

I'm not sure what to do or where to go. Do I just sit in my car the entire time? Dad has been in and out of my life since I was a young kid so I don't feel comfortable going to him. Tbh I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing but would like some perspective please

AIBU to feel a bit inconvenienced?

Yanbu Op. And I'm even more cross on your behalf when I read your post about Christmases!
If your mum wants you to go out you need to be brutally honest with her. Tell her she's being unfair to give you no notice so you could organise yourself, and tell her she really needs to give you money so you can buy dinner and money to go to the cinema. What else does she expect you to do?!

I consider us to have a generally good relationship but the christmas thing and not being introduced has made me feel a bit meh

@MrsSkylerWhite it's her mums house and home for both of them

willingtolearn

”I understand she might want some privacy for her 'date night', but she's putting him before you.“

Alternatively, she’s putting herself first after 5 years of fitting her social life around an adult daughter who still lives at home.
I really don’t understand what’s so unreasonable about asking a grown woman to give her a few hours of privacy in her home. Lots of adult children have left home by then?

@MrsSkylerWhite they pay rent to live there though ? Can stay in their room out the way and its weird the OP mum not introduced them in 5 years and left the oP at home at xmas whilst they go to the DP
Plus its her child, do your kids not come first

@MrsSkylerWhite if I had the means I would have been moved out a long time ago

Op does he know about you? Does he know she’s an adult child? Is he younger? Is she lying about her age?

It's your home.

I wouldn't ask my daughter to leave for 7 hours just to have my boyfriend over. Maybe to hide away in her room so I had some privacy, or pay for her and a friend to go out for a meal? I wouldn't say to go away and entertain yourself at no notice. That's awful, I'm sorry OP.

I'd consider thinking about moving out now. She leaves you alone for Christmas to spend it with her boyfriend of five years who she won't introduce you to? No thanks.

@Porcinimushroom tbf I think he does know about me but I don't think my mom tells him much. From what my mum has said, they're the same age

@MrsSkylerWhite and you don't think its strange in 5 years she hasn't introduced her partner , Op could go out for a few hrs then come home, its her home to she pays rent. The OP mum is happy to have the £300 rent but not introduce her child to a partner of 5 Years !!!! She only asked Op this morning to make herself scarce as well and OP works and is at uni so is out the house a fair bit , so the OP mum has had plenty of time to herself
Are you the OP mums and have seen the thread and not found anyone that agrees ?

Seriously @MrsSkylerWhite ?

You think it’s reasonable, without any notice, to say to someone “Right, I want you out of the house today for 7 hours” when it’s cold, dark, they have no money and the house also happens to be their home? It’s awful.
I hope you don’t have children.

Very few people would be ok with this and very few would be comfortable with you being alone on Xmas. I think she’s been lying to him about you and that’s why you can’t meet. She’s hiding something.

I'm hoping to be moved out within the next year. I don't have the money to do it right now as I'm still a full time student. I've been applying for grad jobs since august so hopefully I'll have a full time role for next year when I graduate

Your mother is being bizarre and unreasonable.

It would be slightly better if it was in the week - as libraries etc. would be open.

Coffee shops to study and then cinema sound your best bet if you don’t want to rock the boat and tell her no.

I agree it sounds like she just wants your £300 - if she wanted to help you acheive your own place then she would not be charging you rent. Imho.

Seriously? What an odd way to think

Have you told your mum how this makes you feel ?

I can't believe the people that would be okay with sending their child out to "sit in their car" for 7 hours with a book and a flask of tea so they could have a cosy night in with their boyfriend 🙄

She leaves you by yourself at Christmas? That's awful... she really doesn't seem to see you as a priority in her life if she treats you like this.

@healthadvice123 I did mention it a few weeks ago that I feel left out and she got angry and had a go at meand said I was making something out of nothing. I won't lie I felt very humiliated

This - I can’t get my head round the whole set up really ! All very strange indeed. So sorry OP you’re definitely not being unreasonable

This

Ridiculous.

You wouldn't ask a lodger to disappear for a whole 7 hours would you?

OP is paying rent, the mother is taking the piss and I'd feel hurt.

Add the fact she hasn't introduced him and leaves OP at Christmas - she's not coming across as mother of the year.

Library surely?

I think there’s only one of them!

That's shitty. She should've given you a lot more notice or not asked you to go out.