To think my friends don't give a shit about me?

[stelmosfire09]

I'm going through a really bad break up, after a ten year relationship. He basically promised me the world however within the past 6 months he has decided he can't commit and has fucked off travelling. I'm 30 and feel like a big chunk of my life has been wasted on him.

My two best friends and basically the only friends I have have been really good and supportive. But they both have kids, one has two kids and is married, the other has one kid but is single but doesn't seem to have that panic of finding someone as she has her child and doesn't want anymore so she hasn't the pressure of having to find someone to have children, she also just seems very content being single.

I went over to my single friends house last night for some drinks, we ended up staying up until about 4 in the morning (we started drinking late as she was working).

Both my friends know I am particularly vulnerable when I'm hungover and more likely to contact my ex. Around 2 pm today I phoned my married friend and asked her to pick me up as due to my hangover and anxiety I couldn't bear to be alone. She said she would pick me up but she was taking her kids to the park so I'd have to join them. I said it didn't matter.

My single friend who I'd been up half the night with just wouldn't answer my calls at all. When she finally got in touch she said she had been sleeping but was avoiding the question when I repeatedly asked her where she was. I honestly can't bear to be alone with a hangover since the break up and I have just felt totally alone and unsupported today.

My single friend generally likes to be alone, and with a hangover she likes to just watch films and chill out but surely if a friend is in need you would make an exception. I have been crawling out my skin.

These women I would bend over backwards for and inconvienice myself if they needed me but today just proved they don't feel the same way about me.

I know they have families, but the single ones daughter wasn't with her today. AIBU To be angry and feel unsupported? I just feel like cutting them off to be honest.

OP, I'm sorry about your break-up. They are horrible at any age. However, drinking is not the answer. It's presumably your hangover that has put you firmly in the "poor me, me, me" zone. Your friends haven't done anything wrong.

One thing that struck me was you saying that you don't have any other friends. If I were you, I'd throw myself into work/hobbies/joining groups etc and try to make some more friends. It's not healthy to be entirely dependent on two people, especially when these two people have bigger priorities than their friendship with you (namely their children).

I’m sorry you’re feeling so low and lonely. It hurts when you’ve put yourself out for your friends and then the tables are turned you don’t get the same treatment back. But as we get older these dynamics change and it’s really hard to have that sort of relationship with anyone outside (or even inside!) of family. I think the best you can do is bear it in mind for the future and don’t give so much of yourself if it’s not going to reciprocated. And

You are completely unreasonable and going to push people away with this bizarre reaction.

I think I'd have gone travelling too

I really would cut down drinking if your hangovers affect you so badly. They weren't being mean, they just have other priorities. It sounds like they have supported you but you want them to fill the gap of your partner which sadly isn't realistic.

You sound very difficult. You need to be careful that your excessive neediness doesn’t make your friends back away.

YABVVU. Your friends sound great to me OP. Start taking responsibility for yourself, or you will lose them. They have needs too. Stop drinking to the extent of a hangover. Speak to your GP regarding your mood. Do you have hobbies etc to distract you, when feeling anxious? You are lucky to have such lovely friends.

Giving up alcohol is the answer to this. You hangover is not allowing you to feel rationally. And you definitely would be feeling so much better in yourself without it. Alcohol can play havoc with your self esteem too. Since I have given up after 30 odd years, I am a different (and better, happier) person.

Wow - well the OP has certainly had her arse handed to her on a plate with this post!

That is not a normal request. Better you find mh support to help you adjust to living alone, or change to shared accommodation. It is not normal or healthy to not be able to cope with living alone at 30.

You need to develop a new routine that leaves these lovely friends to get on with their lives when they’re not out and with the kids.
Develop a gym habit
Volunteer when not working - charity shops/food bank etc.
Walk a neighbour’s dog
Sign up for a course

Breakups are horrible but don’t put too much on your friends.

I'm afraid you really are being ridiculous here. You're 30. If you are in such a state when hungover that you can't be alone and need to be effectively babysat, you simply need to stop staying up drinking until the early hours. Of course you feel rubbish in those circumstances. You say you want a future with a partner and children so I would start thinking about what that future looks like and try and work on your personal resilience.children need and deserve a proper ģrown up to parent them.

Op if that’s how you feel when you have a hangover then best not drink . You need to respect boundaries . Yes friends should be there for each other but op have some perspective you had a hangover that’s not a reason for people to drop everything and rush round . One friend also has a hangover and wants to be alone as most do the other friend has a family so no you are not the most important person in her life .
Some of the comments on here are harsh but yes mostly true so have a little think about how good a friend you are .

YABMU... its not their job to babysit you, your an adult with logical thinking skills and if you dont want to be hung over its YOUR job not to get drunk.

Sleeping off a hangover is entirely normal and she does NOT have to answer to you or explain herself... how entitled can you be.

Im sorry your relationship failed and Im sure it really sucks right now but these women do not exist to fill your void, you wanting co-dependence in place of what you would have with your ex is changing the dynamic and you will end up losing friends if you carry on this way.

At 30 you should be grown up enough by now not to rely on your friends to save you from getting steaming drunk with the accompanying hangover. Using excess alcohol to change how you feel is a dangerous path that can easily lead to alcoholism.

You’re only 30. You’re still young and you’ve got plenty of time to find a new partner and have a family if that’s what you want. I met DH at 36 and had a child a few years later.

In the nicest way possible, the world doesn't revolve around you. I had a friend like you. She would ask to come round for a coffee in the morning, fine, I'd even look forward to it. An hour to vent is fine. Ends up staying all day and arranging all the kids come to mine after school so we can have tea together... It's way too invasive. Your friends can't replace your partner by always being around you. Respect their space and learn to get comfortable within your own.

Your not asking for support your being needy and demanding because you made a decision to drink to much and now have a hangover that you can’t cope with . Your an adult if you can’t drink to a level you are not in responsible state of mind then stop drinking. Your fiends kids are there priority not your hangover. I personally would have told my friend they are welcome to come to the park with me and the kids too. Also your other friend does not need to answer her phone to you. She is entitled to sleep as long as she wants and you need to respect that. Your not being much of a friend to either of these people at the moment. I would be quite annoyed at a “friend” who basically expected me to change me or my kids plans because they were drunk and couldn’t deal with the inevitable hangover.

Oh my word

Instead of cutting them off, learn to be a better friend.

your single friend has a child free night and therefore lie in, and you are calling repeatedly?

Your married friend has offered to pick you up but that must not be good enough as you are on here complaining about your single friend.

Sheesh

And your single friend may NOT be content being single and raising a child on her own, she probably has just grown up enough to not cry about it constantly

I am so sorry you are in such pain, but the above could well happen.

Do not drink if it puts you in such a state.

Better that he has made this decision rather than marry you and leave you with children.

Your friends have big responsibilities in their children and they will come ahead of their friends.

You will get through this.

Source some counselling to help you.

It would be such a shame and could be a massive future regret if your friends become collateral damage in this grief.

YAbU! One friend spent a late night with you, the other allowed you to come with her and her kids to the park. I’d say you have good friends. You need to think of others too even thou you are going through a hard time.

OP am really sorry you are having a tough time. I've struggled with my MH in the past and there were times when I couldn't bear to be alone. Drinking always made it so much worse.

The best thing you can do is to give up drinking. You should also seek counselling.

What is your relationship like with your parents? Could you go and stay with them for a few days?

Are you serious?

Totally yabu
Married friend had plans and invited you along.
Single friend was hungover and probably lurking in bed after the session you both had. There is no way I could cope with anyone with hangover.

Agree. Sorry but you’re an adult. Your need to attention seek is worse than my preteens! Why do you need others to hold your hand if you have a hangover? You said you children, start acting like a responsible adult first.
its embarrassing you thinking you have the right to control your friends lives like this and if they have their own stuff on, then you right them off as selfish and uncaring. Wow

Time to work on you. YOur life is changing, time for you to spread your own wings and find more friends to do things with. You cannot become a needy friend when they have their own lives and routines, you will push them away. Keep off the booze if will help you make better decisions. Find a walking group or something - easy company and fresh air.