To ask what other SAHP do to fill their time

[doyoumindmeasking]

I'm a SAHM and just wondered what other SAHP do to fill their days.

My children are at school 9-3. I do drop offs and pick ups, cooking, cleaning, shopping etc.

But in terms of other stuff not much. I'm going to try to pick up an exercise class 3 x a week.

It can get a bit dull.

I've tried a part time job but it's just not practical with my husbands work and age of our children.

But why do they care? Maybe they feel they couldn’t. Maybe they could but prefer a slower pace where they’re not ‘fitting it in’.

As a SAHM, I’ve had ‘oh I’d be so bored’ or ‘I couldn’t do that, brains turn to mush if you don’t work.’ No fucks given.

If I showered first thing then I'd have to get up at 5, and just go to bed earlier

It takes you an hour just to shower. Jesus. I can get myself and two children washed, dressed, fed, and out of the house in less time than that. Sorry, but that just reinforces that as a SAHP you've got used to doing a lot of things at a nice... leisurely... pace.

You could read her other posts.

I could definitely do more with my time but I really really hate being busy. It makes me feel stressed and I'm terrible with stress. The easier life can be the better as far as I'm concerned.

This rebel thing sounds awesome! I loved getting Brownie and Guide badges.

Some of us are the same. Just coping. But also have the full time job to do. I know which would be easier

@doyoumindmeasking

How many hours are you looking to fill? I would have thought your 6 hours ad hoc work would have been perfect. If you can't fit that in then it's hard to see how you would have much opportunity to volunteer etc.

I get a bit 🤷‍♀️ about people who easily fit in all their house and kid admin into 5 minutes before supper but at one point I was fitting in about 28 hours of work reasonably well (albeit with a laundry pile-up and a cleaner over that period).

I feel like i could easily spend 6 hours a day cleaning/ tidying our house and that's before you add in things like project managing rewiring and bathroom refit, patching up the unexpected hole in the ceiling that the back end of a raccoon just partly fell through, etc. but I don't, it just stays messy and in need of more cleaning than it gets.

What do you want to do?

You have a disable child so it’s hard to really assess, but I squash all
of that to the edge of the day and work 9-3.45

Volunteering - pre-school committee secretary then chair. Then PTA at the kids primary school & then governing - almost all schools are looking for both of these all the time as there are less & less volunteers coming forward. I'm involved in three different schools & none of them have a full governing body. Also helped out friends who both worked by collecting their kids & going to in-school events for them.

AlwaysLatte · Today
We're both SAHPs and it's surprising how busy we are! Both in various groups connected to our hobby (some we run) so that takes up a fair bit of time. Various Governorships/local groups, high energy dog, small amount of livestock and lots of taxi-ing children to their various activities and school, gardening etc, plus support for elderly parents can take out a day in one go. I think we're both busier than when we were working!

If both you and your DP are at home, are you independently wealthy?

@AloysiusBear A coding course sounds like the type of thing I'd enjoy, can you recommend any providers? Ideally I'd like to be able to freelance eventually or sign up with an agency and work part time

It’s not a competition. 😉

@DancedInClover

do you understand the basic principles around sites like Mumsnet

If someone posts then they will get responses.

It doesn't mean we particularly give a fuck the rest of the time just that we care in the moment, as in want to respond

If it hits a nerve then fine. And if my derision makes someone feel bad, then that's on them. If people who don't work are happy with their choices then they wouldn't be quite so defensive.

That's my take away from this thread

I'm off to Google it.

That's actually really mean.

I've noticed here that a lot of sympathy is extended (rightly so) to SAHPs who have additional things to deal with and everyone falls all over themselves to say of course it's busy, hard to manage.

But if working parents mention struggling/being busy it's met with something snide like this, or told we need to manage our time better (from someone with the luxury of 6 hours a day to do housework, emails and meal planning 🙄)

That's not a kind response. She has said working would send her over the edge. Show some compassion.

It’s really not. It’s like some working mums are so angry if they feel their life is harder that they have to say shitty things to tell everyone.

That poster said they were struggling with stress, children with additional needs and so they were at home because a job would be to much. Only to be told by another poster that their own life is harder because they have to work as well as dealing with stress and children with additional needs. I’m right to say it’s not a competition. If people are struggling, they’re struggling.

Exactly. But apparently I’m the unkind one. Ffs.

And my sympathy extends to anyone that’s struggling but it is not a competition. Some people can cope with busier lives than others, people have different circumstances, different levels of resilience, more/less support etc. There’s so many variables.

I acknowledged that that particular poster was struggling and said they were right in that the grass was not always greener, and said I understood their situation would be difficult. I also shared my challenges in having no respite from work/childcare/terminally ill parents.

That's not making it a competition, it's just a comment. Same as the parent saying that coping with a disabled child and a job is hard - without the luxury of childfree time.

The OP does sound a bit bored. There are plenty of sahps that are super busy doing volunteering etc. But there really is some truth in the fact that busy people often just do more stuff. There is no real reason why 6 hours of work would have made the family suffer as the OP suggests. I think there is a case that people stretch tasks to fill time. With something like laundry, a working parent will probably just shove a load in, might sort it out while watching tv or doing something else. But, on this thread, laundry seems to have become a big task for some sahms (granted for the poster going to the laundrette it is).

Thank you. If I was able to get into my previous career I would do so but have been advised by the GP that now wouldn't be a good time. To focus on time looking after myself.

Some people have more resilience than others.

I was an accidental SAHP for about 6 months after getting made redundant. We could keep DS in nursery for 2 mornings a week - I volunteered at our local children's centre one morning and then my other morning I'd do an exercise class and then would be doing online skills courses or I'd be applying for jobs, the rest of the week I had DS with me so I'd be doing things with him and getting stuff done round the house.

House is probably cleaner and tidier now I work part time again because we're not in as much.

The poster commented

‘Some of us are the same. Just coping. But also have the full time job to do. I know which would be easier’

It was a shitty thing to say. The poster is clearly having a hard time, if the second poster is dealing with the same things and working, she’s also having a hard time. No need for her to get a dog in that the other poster has it ‘easier’. It was mean and pointless.

dig