To ask what other SAHP do to fill their time

[doyoumindmeasking]

I'm a SAHM and just wondered what other SAHP do to fill their days.

My children are at school 9-3. I do drop offs and pick ups, cooking, cleaning, shopping etc.

But in terms of other stuff not much. I'm going to try to pick up an exercise class 3 x a week.

It can get a bit dull.

I've tried a part time job but it's just not practical with my husbands work and age of our children.

Oh I can't imagine how it all gets done 😂😂😂😂
9-3 is a massive chunk of time to do what most people manage to fit in around work.

Have I misunderstood or are you saying you clean for six hours a day? 😂

I've done volunteering- particularly visiting lonely people in my community and working in a food bank. This was before job. Due to not being able to carry on with work because childcare/ change to husbands working conditions and being expected to do MORE hours I'm in the process of leaving work. I will be looking for more voluntary options.

I kind of agree with you, except for the commute bit. Lot of people have to drive on their commute and it isn't possible to multitask and get a bit of life admin done during their commute as people on public transport often can (if you're lucky enough to have a seat that is, I remember the horrors of a London commute - third world or what)

I became a SAHM when our oldest was born, he’s nearly 20 now. Youngest is a teen, and I’ve not gone back to paid work.

We had a fairly big age gap do it was a while before I didn’t have one at home but I didn’t do much really when they were both at primary, just enjoyed my free time after the baby and toddler years. Exercise classes, running, dog walks, see friends/family if they didn’t work or had a day off, shopping. Sometimes I’d just stay home and potter, tidy up, watch tv, do some gardening, prepare dinner in the afternoon, bake something nice for the kids. It was nice to have time. Then I’d take the kids to their activities after school. I would also look after my friends kids if they were poorly if they couldn’t be off work easily, help with school trips etc but overall it was a very chill period in my life.

Once they got older, I started volunteering and now volunteer 20-30 hours a week including weekends. We also foster dogs so I like to be around for them but my partner works at home so he’s here to keep them company if I’m volunteering.

There’s various reasons why we chose for me to be at home and it’s worked really well for all of us.

How about getting a job?

I don’t think it sounds particularly marvellous in the OP’s case. It sounds a bit aimless and dull.

It could be very rewarding if properly structured.

But it does make me scratch my head a bit when people insist a parent needs to be at home eight hours a day to renew the insurance forms or in case Ocado turns up.

As a PP has mentioned I work roughly ten hours a day and don’t have a spouse but I manage to get all this done without my activities jeopardising anyone else’s career.

Why is it that these men can’t run their lives without a full time housekeeper/admin when single mums manage to get it all done on top of the two other day jobs?

I'm not a stay at home parent but I would go into town a fair amount I think- to run errands and pick this up that we need. I would also meet friends and go for coffees where I would read my book. I would go to the gym. But most of all I would relish time to do a hobby I'm am interested in - for me it would be horse riding.

I think when you’re at home with babies and toddlers, it’s no different to working. Some people find it really difficult, I was definitely busy. But when the kids went to school, I had hours to do what I wanted.

But regardless of whether my kids were babies/toddlers or at school, I’ve loved staying at home. I really enjoy it, my life is ‘marvellous’.

I think there’s always the digs at SAHM from some people just like some others are horrible about working mums. I couldn’t care less what others think, I just get on with my own life.

I think you've forgotten the ardous tasks of boiling the kettle, making and drinking coffee, making and eating lunch... its exhausting!
As a mum at school said to me 'by the time I've come home from school run and sat down and had a coffee and put breakfast dishes away, I need to make lunch, once I've had lunch and cleaned up its nearly 2pm so I need to get ready for pick up....'
It's a hard knock life!

I need external activities for adult company where the talk isn’t focused on children, otherwise I found myself utterly hating my life, so PTA and school volunteering counted as looking after the kids to me.

I did an OU degree when they were younger, which was brilliant for keeping me sane and giving me other adults to talk to. Though, for me, it didn’t really fit into the day well, I found it hard to write essays before about 10 at night.

Now they’re older I’ve taken up glass art which I do at a community studio. Also great for giving me something that isn’t just about facilitating others’ lives and giving me other adult company. I also have a couple of friends who have free day time hours (one a SAHM, one a musician) and we meet up for coffee and go to museums, etc. from time to time.

I don’t have any more free time than my DH who works full time, but it’s at different times of the day. I get up earlier and he gets evening time when I’m sorting out children or doing household stuff.

Do you think you'll want to work when your DCs are older OP? If so, now might be a good time to retrain or skill-up. I did an OU course when I was a SAHM which helped me get the job I have now.

I'd watch Hallmark movies all day if I had the time.

That's the thing though, I'm not putting in a solid hour's slog while sat on the Lizzy. (I only have signal for about twenty minutes anyway.) I'm just saying a lot of people who aren't working or are working minimally make heavy weather on here of stuff that you can genuinely do in five minutes while watching TV in the evening or taking your lunch break, which is when I'd do it if I didn't do it on my commute.

I’ve joined something called the rebel badge club, it’s like brownie badges for adults and honestly I’m learning so much about myself/life etc. Also volunteering at school where I can.

Offer to listen to children read at your DC's school? Very rewarding and you will be SO appreciated because staff just don't have enough time with everything else that is demanded expected. You would need a DBS check, but schools usually sort that out for volunteers, ime.

Get a job. Reach your potential. Have financial independence. Build your confidence.

My mum did lots of courses & classes eg computing, maths, floristry, photography etc but we she did have help with childcare.

As a mum at school said to me 'by the time I've come home from school run and sat down and had a coffee and put breakfast dishes away, I need to make lunch, once I've had lunch and cleaned up its nearly 2pm so I need to get ready for pick up....'

I think this & the school was a 5 min walk! It was much easier when they were in nursery till 5/6! 😆

I did get a 2 day week job which I think gave me my sanity back & now I work 4 days a week.

I was a SAHM mum but got rather bored once the kids were at school. Yes I could fill my time with domestic chores shopping, cleaning etc. I also had a long daily walk but it was all a bit samey and I felt I was wasting time, trying to fill each day. Most of my friends were working so I didn't have other mums to meet for lunch or anything. I started off getting a job as a lunch time supervisor at a school. That was good simply because I got out of the house and met people. I wanted more though! I'm now doing a part time office job - 9.30 to 2.30 3 days a week. This is perfect! I get to do the school run every day, I'm always there after school and can take the kids to their activities. I have 2 days free a week to do housework. Although I don't earn much at all (I get £1000 per month after tax), it's still incredibly useful to have extra money coming in. It's mentally stimulating and I've made friends.
These days there are so many part time jobs and many let you work from home some of the time. There are lots of jobs that fit around small children. I'd check council/government jobs or universities, hospitals etc.

I'm really surprised to see such sneering responses on here. Work that has been historically delegated to women has always been undervalued. I definitely don't have a lot of free time. I don't know if this will help or not, but here's a "typical" day for me:

6am Wake up, get dressed, clean kitchen
6.30 Make lunches, prep clothes and school bags, make breakfast for the children
7am Wake kids up, get them fed, showered, dressed etc (one is disabled and needs a lot of help)
8.15 Walk to school
8.45 Drop off children, walk to shop
9am Grocery shopping
9.30am Walk home
10.15am Get home, have breakfast, shower, get ready for the day
11.15am Load of laundry (which involves walking five minutes to the launderette and back three times, to start it, swap it to the dryer and collect it) - will do this over the course of the next few hours.
11.30am Tidy the house, do some cleaning
1pm Lunch
1.45pm Life admin (so meal planning, scheduling appointments, writing emails, big things like tax returns, ordering in if the children need something for school or a club, if they've outgrown clothes, checking on elderly relatives and friends having a hard time, minor home alterations, to do list items etc - I never reach the end of these!
2.15pm Walk to school
2.45pm Pick up children, walk home
3.15pm Ferry to after school clubs and play dates, supervise homework, listen to reading, craft activities etc.
5pm Start dinner
6pm Have dinner, family time (possibly a game or a walk)
7pm Bedtime routine, tidy up
8pm Children go to bed, either spend time with husband, do a hobby or carry on with life admin tasks.
10pm I go to bed

And this is before the constant meetings with the school, doctor and dentist appointments, children off sick, random inset days, sick bugs that leave me with huge amounts of laundry etc., which happen at least once a week but usually 2-3 times a week, and put me behind. I'm not able to work for several reasons (no childcare for disabled children, visa issues, expense of childcare, erratic obligations during the day) but I don't see how I'd be able to fit in a job anyway.

I was a sahm mum for 9 years, but i only had one year without a child at home with me 24/7. During that time I volunteered at the kids school, reading with the kids etc. I really enjoyed it, and it was so worth it as I know work there as a ta!

Been a SAHM for 17 years.

For 17 years?? How many children do you have & what ages are they now?
I appreciate 'each to their own' but I can't understand the focus being on DH's career progression: what about yours?

I'm wondering how the 6 hours of work a week caused the family to suffer, and if she finds cleaning and laundry such a load whether her husband does anything at all around the house.

If these such hard working husbands were single they'd have to do some housework and cooking to tend to their own needs.

I think the point is @azimuth299 that working parents do all of that plus go to work!