To ask what other SAHP do to fill their time

[doyoumindmeasking]

I'm a SAHM and just wondered what other SAHP do to fill their days.

My children are at school 9-3. I do drop offs and pick ups, cooking, cleaning, shopping etc.

But in terms of other stuff not much. I'm going to try to pick up an exercise class 3 x a week.

It can get a bit dull.

I've tried a part time job but it's just not practical with my husbands work and age of our children.

That's ridiculous sorry. I appreciate you can't work for very valid reasons, including having disabled DC

But your list of tasks - that's what everyone who works has to do too, and we fit it in!

You don't have to grocery shop or do 'life admin' every day.

In terms of showering, working parents do it first thing so it's not a task that takes up time mid morning!

Of course, people are free to make whatever choices they want about work. I had brief periods of being at home - when on maternity leave or in between jobs. I am definitely more efficient when I work; the tasks absolutely do expand in terms of time / significance another poster said.

But don't make it seem like being a SAHP is equally busy to someone working full time who also has DC

Couldn't agree more @FlamencoDance

I'll answer even though I think it's quite rude to say that this is ridiculous.

I do have to grocery shop daily because I have to carry it home for 45 minutes so can't stock up.

If I showered first thing then I'd have to get up at 5, and just go to bed earlier. Doing it during the day frees up the early morning time for sorting out the children.

Working parents don't have to do all of this because you'll see that my child-free time between school runs is 5 hours. I do a lot more hours of childcare than I would as a working parent.

@azimuth299

I understand that having a disabled child can make it difficult/impossible to work.

But the rest of that list is mad. Working parents also have to cook/clean/do laundry/deal with inset days and kids being off sick/plan meals/send emails/check on elderly or unwell relatives... The difference is we have to do it as well as work, without the luxury of 5 or 6 hours a day to do it.

I don't really care if women work or not. Each family does what suits them. But the justification of "Im just so busy" being a sahp to school age kids is just hard to read when you're in a position of being out the door at 7.30 and back in the evening!

Rather than bring the fact that you’re a SAHP into this debate, you could have just said you struggle with what to do on a day off, Op. It’s understandable people feel jealous of your situation, especially now with the cost of living crisis we are in. And I say that as a SAHM, I don’t think this is in good taste. I don’t struggle filling my time but I have health reasons for being home. I am insanely jealous of anyone who doesn’t and whose struggle it is to find a hobby. You have to be very careful about what you say as a SAHP in my experience - I’m not allowed to moan about health, cleaning, tedious chores etc because the working parents juggle all of that and even more. No matter what I’m going through, they have it worse because they also work. But they also have the money and can treat themselves in a way I don’t feel I’m ever entitled to, because I’m lazy right? So I own the bare minimum of clothing, never get my hair or nails done, never do anything expensive for fun like buy take away coffees …. Anyway, I digress. I’m fortunate to be home. End of story.

Can't you online shop?

Why would you have to get up at 5 to shower and not 5:55? Is there a specific reason it takes an hour? Sounds like you’ve got good reasons not to be working. But I agree with the previous poster, you’re taking a whole day to do stuff that millions of others just fit around work without drama or pretence that it’s a full time job.

I do have to grocery shop daily because I have to carry it home for 45 minutes so can't stock up.

So you do home delivery or send your husband on a Saturday or get him to get the click and collect order.

Absolutely. My mother did have some part time jobs when we were older primary / secondary but it was made clear to her by my father that her primary role was being a housewife. She told me before she died that she wanted to do a college course and he wouldn't let her because she wouldn't be home to have his tea on the table when he got back from work.

It seems that for some women they exist to do nothing more than raise the children, do all the housework and facilitate their high earning husband's career regardless of any potential they might have.

Sadly not, it works out much more expensive here (not UK) as the cheaper grocery stores don't do online, and you have to tip the delivery person.

Ah okay. Makes sense.

Working parents don't have to do all of this because you'll see that my child-free time between school runs is 5 hours. I do a lot more hours of childcare than I would as a working parent.

And this - no you don’t. Plenty of working parents who work school hours. They drop the children off, work, pick the children up and fit the other stuff in where they can.

I'm counting showering here including hair drying/straightening/make up etc.

Im a SAHP mainly because of mental illness. On my way to a breakdown it feels and have been referred to the CMHT . Oh the joys.

I hope to get better and eventually get back into PT work at least . I plan to volunteer. That’s the plan anyway.

I clean, ruminate, clean some more and then collect my DC. It’s a bit pants but is what it is .

Most parents use either grandparents or after school care/clubs. I don't know any parents that have school hours only jobs, I think that's quite rare.

@azimuth299 I appreciate you have a disabled dc but that's ridiculous.

Here's a typical week day for me.

7am/7.30 wake up & shower - may do yoga.
7.30/7.45 dc get up, DH & I hurry them along, do breakfast etc
8:20 I leave for work
8:30 DH & dc leave for work
DC do an activity most days after school so pick up is 4:30, home by 5pm.
Cook dinner or warm up something cooked the night before, eat together when possible.
Do homework/reading/bath/bed.
Throughout the day we would both do things like order food shopping, meal plan, order stuff needed for school etc. A tax return/new insurance would be done in an evening.
8:00 do some tidying/cleaning with DH. Watch tv, read, chat & go to bed at 11.

I would put a wash on in the morning or evening & just hang it out at breakfast/dinner etc.

Right...but surely you must understand that a lot of us have to do this...before work? Often with kids around? Sometimes at 5/6am, before getting kids ready and leaving the house for nursery/school/work. Rather than being able to leave it until you're alone in the house mid morning. So it can't really be said that sahm life with school aged kids leaves you with "no spare time".

Yes! I moved abroad and it took 6 months to get my work permit. I was climbing the walls after a couple of weeks, tbh, despite the volunteering I did.

Coffee dates with other SAHP
exercise class
a hobby class like music/language/cooking/writing
volunteering

If I showered first thing then I'd have to get up at 5, and just go to bed earlier

Yep- 5am is my waking up time Monday to Friday as it probably is for many working parents on here.

Most parents use either grandparents or after school care/clubs. I don't know any parents that have school hours only jobs, I think that's quite rare.

it's really not that rare, DH does 2-3 pick ups when wfh which is normal. I used after school clubs when not working, I want them to do activities/music/sport etc.

But it still doesn’t mean they have more time than a SAHP, because if they’re using grandparents or after school club it’s because they’re working. So the time that SAHP is looking after their children they are spending on work. I don’t see how that supports the argument that the WOHP “doesn’t have to do all this”.

But the question was why don't I shower in the morning - and the answer was because I would have to get up at 5am and just go to bed earlier, so it wouldn't save any time, just move it to a less convenient time. I don't count washing my body as spare time! If I didn't have to do it, I wouldn't bother!

I'm saying that I spend more hours performing childcare than a WOHP. The children obviously need the same amount of childcare hours, but those hours are being performed by another person, freeing up the WOHP to work.