To ask what other SAHP do to fill their time

[doyoumindmeasking]

I'm a SAHM and just wondered what other SAHP do to fill their days.

My children are at school 9-3. I do drop offs and pick ups, cooking, cleaning, shopping etc.

But in terms of other stuff not much. I'm going to try to pick up an exercise class 3 x a week.

It can get a bit dull.

I've tried a part time job but it's just not practical with my husbands work and age of our children.

Volunteer in school, they always seem to need people to listen to reading
Volunteer at Food Bank
You've already mentioned going to gym x3
That's 5 half days taken care of. Add in shopping washing cleaning cooking and you're days will soon be full.

It's hard to know how much time to fill you can have if you found you couldn't manage six hours a week of work in the thirty childfree hours you have available.

There is SO much you could be doing. Things like joining a community group to do gardening, knitting, walking purely for leisure. Volunteering, befriending. Taking an online course either for interest or to better your job prospects, or even enrolling on a physical college course.

@astronewt my children don't get 30 free hours

I really wanted a year (or perhaps 2) as a SAHM to school age kids, where I could really focus on my creative writing, but alas my husband is not supportive. So I'm doing a diploma and learning to drive instead. When that's done I'll be back to work, sigh.

I'll be honest, I'm struggling to see how spending 20% of your free time working can possibly result in your family members "suffering". 6 hours work a week when you're free for 30 is nothing, really.

At risk of sounding harsh - you're bored because you're not doing anything. So start doing something. It sounds like you're not giving yourself enough of a chance to adjust to a change of speed/cadence. You also sound like your confidence has taken a knock. Are there any career counselors you can talk to, to get an idea of local opportunities for retraining, etc? You don't mention how old your children are, but I'm assuming they're primary age. In a heartbeat they'll be teens and then college bound - for goodness sake, don't spend the next decade pottering about doing nothing in case someone has to pack their own lunchbox. You'll wake up one day completely atrophied, with no self confidence, in a really tough spot. And all this assuming your marriage stays intact.

You can do it.

You said your children were at school 9-3. What time do you have, then?

Ones in 9-3, the other has shorter hours as she's at nursery

I understand you don't want to do laundry at 8pm but what else is there to do at 8pm??? Lots of people work fulltine and do their housework at 8pm and later. They also do exercise, attend meetings, help dcs with projects etc at 8pm.

I respectfully suggest that you may have got a bit unmotivated if you are just sitting down watching tv at 8pm. If your dh is home at 8pm you could get involved in helping to run the pta, or residents association. This would make evenings more productive.

I've been a sahm and a wohm..full time and part time. I'm currently a sahm and DC are secondary school age. I found as a working mum, I would get so much house stuff done in such a short time. I was so efficient. Before I'd left for work, I was up, dressed,makeup on, laundry on, kitchen cleaned and dishwasher emptied. As a sahm, I am far less efficient. I'll drop kids to school, then have a coffee, then empty dishwasher, then go on Mumsnet, then put a wash on, have another cup of coffee. Stuff I could do in half an hour ends up taking two hours.

I’ve been a SAHM and a working mum. I can tell from my experience that when I was staying at home everything was a big deal, for example going to the post office would be a task within itself and I’d wake up in the morning thinking “ooooh I need to get ready to send that parcel”, then I’d get myself and the children ready for the big trip to the post office. Now it doesn’t even get mentioned in my daily tasks, because it’s something I’d do quickly on the way back from work. I think it’s like that with most things, the more you have to do the more you manage. Whereas when I was stay at home mum, laundry and cleaning and cooking seemed like a lot. It’s still a lot, but it has to fit around the working life.

In terms of filling up time- sport, hobby, walks, reading, volunteering, diy, gardening, cooking, cleaning. I never felt bored, but did start to feel self conscious.

I feel like I don't actually get much free time - the children always seem to be off school for one reason or another, or needing to be collected early for various appointments - if I had a job I'd never be there!

In the precious free time I do get I meal plan, do the shopping (if I have to take the kids it takes so much longer!), tidy the house, clean, do the laundry, plan ahead and get what's needed for the constant birthday parties, theme days, school events etc., do house admin like scheduling regular dentist appointments, tax returns, IEP meetings etc. It feels neverending! I listen to podcasts and audiobooks while I do the tedious bits.

I never seem to get on top of these things, but if I do have spare time then I enjoy going to the gym, crochet and reading.

He spends any non working time with us and as much as he can to lighten my load.

What load? Your whole thread is about how to fill the hours you're at home while your children are at school.

All the things you do in your 30 free hours a week like cooking, cleaning and washing (no-one irons these days) are also done by women who work, some full time.

I was fascinated by your title because I've been on here many years and think it's the first time a SAHM has asked your question. Normally they insist they are working their fingers to the bone from dawn until dusk.

A part time job is a great idea - sets you up for future advancement, contributes to a pension, makes it a hundred times easier to get a full time job when the time comes as you won't have a long break on your cv and solves your boredom.

I'm not coming on to bash you for not working: I think SAHMs can have very productive and interesting lives filled with good stuff.

But I'm a bit bemused at your idea that his career would necessarily have to suffer if you took a paid job. You do realise there's a vast range of jobs out there with a huge range of hours, salaries and degrees of commitments, right? If your children are at school and as long as this doesn't disrupt childcare why should your having a job have a negative impact on his career?

I mean if you don't want to work this is a moot discussion but it sounds like you're repeating his negativity about the idea of your working, as opposed to having made your own mind up about it. Do you want to work? Because if you do I don't see why he should have the right to veto it on principle.

I feel like I don't actually get much free time - the children always seem to be off school for one reason or another, or needing to be collected early for various appointments - if I had a job I'd never be there

Yes I feel the same. We had a bug go round our house this week so every day this week one or both of the children have been at home unwell. Then next week there's an inset day. Always something

I kind of suspect the same thing, tbh. People on here often list out their time-consuming "tasks" which are things I would knock out in five minutes on my phone during my commute and not think twice about. I still recall the SAHM with school-age DC who couldn't possibly think about working because Tuesday afternoons were when the online shop arrived and had to be put away. The online shop! DH and I have it put away in five minutes tops, maybe seven if there's only one of us. OTOH since my parents retired, it takes them forever even to get out of the house in the mornings. I honestly think getting shit done is a habit, and am a believer in the "if you want something done, ask a busy person" maxim. The way to get more done is to... do more.

I know I should not bite but I find these threads so odd. I and other working parents do everything mentioned here AND work full time. The washing, meal planning, housework, cooking, arranging appointments, exercise etc all get done on top of work.
All the SAHMs I know are at least honest they have the life of Riley to go for walks, lunches and the gym.
OP either get or job or just do stuff you enjoy with your time.

I’ve been in your position. I exercised, volunteered (NCT and school governor) and took DC to lots of medical appointments.

I’m now working 18 hours a week and I’m much happier for it.

could you do a course to develop skills in case you do want to work again?

FWIW I found DC at school a game changer. Nursery age is still quite young.

Off topic a bit but that reminds me of someone who told me they couldn’t get a job incase the gas man turned up to read the meter!

Do you want to work op?

It is possible, especially if you’re hours are not as long as your dhs

If not that’s ok, I’ve done all types of set ups and enjoyed all versions.

I'm going to step away as you're in a very privileged position that is not one I recognise: Good luck with whatever you decide.

This. In your shoes i would work and my DH would need to step up & do his share at home.

Your..

Do something like a coding course & pick up contractor work - loads wfh and you can just specify you only want to do 9-2.

I've been a SAHM for 16 years now.

Over the years I have:

Helped run a mother and toddler group as a volunteer

Volunteered at my DC's pre school

Volunteered as a classroom assistant

Managed the catering/kitchen at the summer and Xmas school fairs for the PTA for 5 years until my DC left the school.

Currently volunteer at a social club for the elderly run by the local council.

Going to the gym

Run 5k twice a week

Go on long scenic walks once or twice a week ( usually around 11-12k distance )

Have done three photography courses

Practice my landscape and bird photography

Craft courses - currently learning crochet but have done a few different short courses.

Also currently pretty full on attending medical appointments with my DD who has a chronic illness that needs regular treatment ( eg next week I have three appointments to take her to on different days - all involve travelling 30 miles)

Before Youngest DD got sick in 2020 I was looking to find a part time job just to keep me occupied once she started secondary school but that can't happen now until DD transfers to adult care when she's 18.

Well this thread certainly puts paid to the theory that SAHP work "just as hard" as those in paid employment. Your lives sound bloody marvellous to be honest. If only my only worry was how to fill my time!