Aibu to think my child is called a boy because of her race

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

This may be petty to a few but this is really starting to get to me. I have mixed race daughters- and a mixed race niece- all of them have continually been mistaken for boys in their early years. It’s got to me more today as a woman approached me in a playgroup and apologised for calling my two year old a boy and said it was down to her clothes- light blue jeans and a cardigan with birds on it.
I don’t put her in dresses daily because we’re often in a park or soft play, but joggers and a T-shirt with a bunny or bird on it is pretty standard. I also see plenty of girls in leggings and jeans etc.

I’m now starting to think it’s unconscious racism- and it’s predominantly down to hair.
White/ Asian girls hair grows downwards. Black girls I know of have twists and plaits that are deemed “girly” hairstyles.

My daughters hair is in an Afro- it’s combed and oiled daily and well cared for but I don’t routinely plait it because it won’t hold.
My niece was always called a boy, and when her hair was corn rowed was called a boy.
Apparently if you don’t subscribe to the Caucasian aesthetic that makes you masculine.
Aibu?

I honestly have no idea. I wonder if it’s that natural desire to find cues in the clothes of most young children. I know boys with long hair are routinely called girls so I’m sure there’s hair cues too.

I have the same but I’ve got a white, blond haired, blue eyed child. I don’t bother correcting people if they’re just strangers. It doesn’t really bother me, I find all babies quite androgynous looking - who cares what sex they are?

Well an afro is a gender neutral hairstyle so combined with stereotypical boy clothes it's not hard to see how people could mistake her for a boy.

Possibly - difficult to know without seeing your DD. I think most toddlers look fairly androgynous and perception is down to gendered clothing. There's often threads on here where mums are upset because everyone thinks their toddler DSs are girls due to 'long golden curls'.

My son was mistaken for little girls when he was little because he liked to push a pink pram and his hair was gorgeous long blond ringlets. Can't say it bothered me - I just corrected them. Ds was too young to care. Don't think it's a race thing or at least not in my experience.

It’s not about race it’s about hair.
my son has a friend at nursery who he told me was a girl.. until I met him and he’s a boy with long blonde curly hair.

It’s impossible to know, I think. People get gender wrong all the time unless kids are literally wearing IM A GIRL or IM A BOY badges. There may also be racist factors, but it definitely happens to white kids too.

Not sure about direct racism but people generally make assumptions on a child's sex from their appearance. If thet don't fit the obvious markers they may be mistaken for the wrong set.

My nephew has long curly hair and was often referred to as a girl. That's nothing to do with his race just his hair........

I wouldn't be so sure...when I had very short blonde hair in the early 90's I was constantly being mistaken for a boy, usually by younger kids....

children prepuberty look similar and all have high squeaky voices so if they are dressed gender neutral it can be hard to tell.

I agree op. If a white toddler girl had shoulder length or longer hair, everyone would assume girl. If a black girl has similar length hair but it is an afro, a lot would assume boy.

DD also white-blonde hair(very little as a toddler) and often wore her brothers hand me downs.
She was routinely mistaken for a boy.
I think it can be often hard to tell with babies and toddlers tbh

I think there's probably unconscious racist elements to this, as you've described.

It shouldn't make a difference to anyone whether a child is male or female, and I would respond to people apologising with a comment about it not mattering at all. You'd hope that people wouldn't treat a child differently based on their sex.... of course, plenty of people sadly do.

My white daughter has long curly hair and mostly wears football clothes.

Even though she looks very female she is often called a boy because some peoples heads just can't seem to compute that a girl could wear a football strip.

I'm sure it's happening to your girl cause she's not wearing pink and frills.

I think many toddlers do appear androgynous... DD1 was always mistaken for a boy when little. She didn't need a haircut until she was five and it wasn't even shoulder length then for example. She had a friend who was mistaken for a girl.. he had a lovely head of curls.

Do people find it harder with children of other races? Could be.

My 3 yr old is always mistakes for a boy. She’s a shoulder length curly bob. Happens most often when she’s in leggings and a jumper so I think it’s more to do with clothing.

she’s got blonde hair and blue eyes

I think it's entirely possible, yes. I would be interested in reading any research about this, because the intersection between racism and sexism is a thorny one to untangle.

My nearly 2 year old white, blond haired, blue eyed daughter doesn't have much hair and I also hate pink so dress her in lots of neutral or 'boy' colours, so lots of people think she's a boy. It doesn't bother me but strangely it does bother my mum who keeps buying dresses for her to avoid confusion!

I think it’s more about stereotyping appearances than race. My daughter when she was a baby was often thought to be a boy as I would put her in gender neutral clothes and colours ie. No dresses and non pink stuff. Clearly in my area all designs and colours are for boys except pink and unicorns. Now the only reason she looks like a girl to people is because she needs a haircut, but there are boys with long hair too, just not as common so I try not to assume and not refer to their sex unless I know for sure.

My extremely pale ginger daughter was mistaken for a boy often as I never dressed her In girlie clothes. Very hard to tell when their young people are usually guided by what their wearing.

My white dds were constantly referred to as boys whenever they were dressed in blue/trousers/gender neutral clothes. I was always amazed (but not too bothered) that the assumption was that if they weren't in pink frills they must be boys. What did annoy me was people who commented that they should not be wearing blue/trousers 'because they're girls'!!!
I suspect it is a sexism rather than a racism issue (but I am white so acknowledge I may be completely wrong).

My 16 month old DD often gets called a boy! Presumably because I don't tote her about with a whopping great bow on her head they don't really start to look like boys and girls until puberty starts, unless you style them in the social convention for their sex.

It's not about race. You said yourself if her hair was different people would know she was a girl.

Until puberty starts? Erm... no...

My daughter didn’t have much hair at all until she was nearly three. The minute I put a pair of jeans on her, even with a pink top, flowery coat and sitting in her pink pushchair she would be referred to by strangers as he. I don’t know what it is about hair length that just seems to throw everyone’s judgement off. Unless she was actually in an obvious dress, none of the other visual clues registered. Used to drive me crazy.