Aibu to think my child is called a boy because of her race

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

This may be petty to a few but this is really starting to get to me. I have mixed race daughters- and a mixed race niece- all of them have continually been mistaken for boys in their early years. It’s got to me more today as a woman approached me in a playgroup and apologised for calling my two year old a boy and said it was down to her clothes- light blue jeans and a cardigan with birds on it.
I don’t put her in dresses daily because we’re often in a park or soft play, but joggers and a T-shirt with a bunny or bird on it is pretty standard. I also see plenty of girls in leggings and jeans etc.

I’m now starting to think it’s unconscious racism- and it’s predominantly down to hair.
White/ Asian girls hair grows downwards. Black girls I know of have twists and plaits that are deemed “girly” hairstyles.

My daughters hair is in an Afro- it’s combed and oiled daily and well cared for but I don’t routinely plait it because it won’t hold.
My niece was always called a boy, and when her hair was corn rowed was called a boy.
Apparently if you don’t subscribe to the Caucasian aesthetic that makes you masculine.
Aibu?

Yes but the point is, the ops DD hair in its natural state is potentially being seen as boys hair, whereas a white girl with unstyled hair of a certain length would be deemed girls hair.

My very fair daughter (12 years now… not months! Years this has been going on!) has been referred to as my son for years. She had a pixie cut at 7. The bright pink summer dresses and sandals still didn’t earn her a ‘she’ badge! Funny thing is, her face is so delicate and beautiful, feminine! And yet! She’s all boy, according to society (men are the worst at classifying her as one of them!). It’s her hair. It doesn’t grow all girly and tidy. It’s kind of wiry and wavy and it misbehaves. She keeps it short. It’s just so annoying though how little effort people make to actually see her. We do laugh about it though. She’s got a great sense of humour about it.

Also just to say I really didn’t mind the odd confusion- I completely get it with babies. But my child is 2, my niece is a near teen- and it is constant!

Good news is that it doesn't really matter and apart from being a bit annoying at times should not have an impact on their life sad thing is it does impact their lives when they end up saying “I want straight blonde hair”

Yes but the point is, the ops DD hair in its natural state is potentially being seen as boys hair, whereas a white girl with unstyled hair of a certain length would be deemed girls hair.

Yeah, of a certain length. Presumably OP's daughters hair isn't that long.

Lots of white girls are mistaken for boys if their hair is shorter. Lots of white boys are mistaken for girls if their hair is longer (especially if it's blonde and curly).

I could dress my child head to toe in pink and she would still be called a boy due to being almost bald. You are right about the Caucasian expectations but it also catches out any children who don't fall into the expected gender norms. I'd say it's more sexism than racism

It's also interesting reading this thread how many boys with blonde hair are mistaken for girls...hair colour has no correlation to someone's sex, yet clearly it seems blonde=girl to many people.

Yeah, of a certain length. Presumably OP's daughters hair isn't that long

It could be very long but as it doesn't grow straight down, afro hair often looks shorter than it is.

I do think it's possible that hair can influence it, yes. But I also think it can be true across all races. My mum is constantly getting the sex of young children wrong, based, as far as I can tell, on hairstyle (most often white children). If a child has a hairstyle that is traditionally associated with a certain gender, mistakes are easily made.

My boy is thought to be a girl all the time. He has long blond hair. Even dressed head to toe in blue people still think he's a girl

But it's still the hair length/style people are judging on, not her race.

Most people won't assume a 2 year old is a boy because they have Afro-style hair.

My kids are white, one had dark short curly hair as a toddler, one had blonde hair that was straight and quite long. Both had their 'natural hair state' and both were mistaken for the opposite sex.

This may be wrong. But I have got a feeling that in western culture people tend to look at hairstyles and hair etc to distinguish between people and men and women. In other cultures it’s other things. Maybe looking more closely at features etc.

Of course they are.

But if you read my posts, I'm talking about the kids I constantly mix up.

Plus, I know far more little black boys with twists and plaits than little black girls, so I wouldn't assume they were girly like the OP says.

An afro is a very gender neutral hairstyle.

With Caucasian hair it's much easier to tell the gender of a child because normally girls have long hair and boys have very short hair. You don't get these big, stark differences with afros.

When my daughter was a baby and dressed in a little pink Piglet outfit an old man asked what "his" name was. She's 11 now and has just had her hair cut into a pixie cut and now boys keep mistaking her for a boy!

DS was so pretty with blonde curly hair, strangers thought he was a girl. Young children are androgynous

People always called my girls (white) boys because they had no hair 😂

I think I understand @OnlyFoolsnMothers. And you are probably right.

Overthinking I'm afraid. Long hair usually equals girls, pink and dresses ditto. Short hair and neutral clothing often look like boys no matter what your racial mix is.

Good point!
also the boys usually end up having their hair cut come school and the long connotation is gone. My child’s hair will always be a natural Afro.

Yes and no. It’s the hair. People have very stereotyped (and ethnocentric) gender norms.

My eldest DD was a (mixed race but Caucasian-presenting) tomboy. Whenever she had her hair short she was mistaken for a boy, regardless of clothing colours. In fact it still happens to get constantly, despite being past puberty (and not having an androgynous figure).

In your DD’s case, having an Afro is unfortunately adding a racial dimension to the same phenomenon. Western society just has very Disney-esque ideas of what girls should look like. It is maddening.

I was mistaken as a boy as a teenager… shortish hair jean and trainers type of girl. In the 80’s when girls commonly had short hair. That’s just my experience but Didn’t care tbh .

My (white) daughter regularly got mistaken for a boy at a young age. It seems to be the default position for some people to assume a child is a boy if they’re not sure and ask how old he is etc.

You’re looking for racism where there isn’t any.

Why do they think straight blond hair would make them look more like a girl, than any other of the 'girly' styles lots of black girls have?