16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

@PurpleButterflyWings you rock. I salute you.😄

@Teenangels I really feel for you and agree it is not appropriate. I had a similar situation a few years ago when my DD, then 17, ended up in A&E and had to be admitted. We went to paediatric A&E, they treated and diagnosed her, set her up on a drip, and then told us to go to adults A&E to be admitted. This was despite being very ill, already spent 5 hours there, and despite the fact that she was under a paediatric consultant for this ongoing condition. The A&E staff were brilliant and thought it was wrong but had to follow bed manager instructions. I stood my ground, and managed to stay there till 8am when her consultant started work, phoned her and she came across and argued our case. Eventually was admitted to paediatric ward, in bays with other teens. Totally inappropriate to put a 16yr old on a mixed adult ward. And it must have been awful not to be with your DD before her op. Really hope it gets sorted and the op went well x

Men are the first reason I wouldn’t want my child alone in this situation. The second reason is the large number of people that exist that give cold, unfeeling, sarcastic and cruel replies like on this thread.

I think there are a lot of trolls here tonight enjoying kicking an anxious parent when they’re down. No decent person with any empathy would think this was acceptable. I hope the OP sues the NHS.

No. Just no. What a horrible situation to be in. I imagine you're going to have to let this happen to ensure the appendix gets out. Please write down all your feeling now and get it sent to the relevant people. Don't be shamed by "but it's the NHS...be kind" No, the NHS is being systematically dismantled from the inside. That's obviously no place to put a vulnerable girl and I'm sure the nurses hate it too but are unable to offer alternatives. Get your evidence prepared.

How would he have felt about having an elderly, confused patient trying to get into bed with him?

Many, many years ago, I was on an adult ward as a 16 year old. It was horrible. The other (elderly) patients were very kind to me, but I’ve never forgotten the old woman across the way who clearly had dementia and was in a lot of pain and distress. It was a scary and lonely experience. I’d not be particularly bothered by a mixed ward, but leaving a frightened sixteen year old on her own just before a major op is cruel and entirely unnecessary.

@antelopevalley so that’s still half not on psychiatric units. While I agree some may be nurses being groped it also says it includes patient rapes, inc children and specifically talks about patients not being protected. I’m not sure why you’re so keen to minimise it.

I hope your DD is ok.
I just came to say that this is definitely one of those MN threads that makes me realise why I don’t post on MN.
I can only assume that the mass amount who turned out to tell you YABU have either never been a parent to a 16yo or simply have no compassion at all. I do find MN a bit of a race to the bottom for harsh and unrealistic levels of practicality. Nobody would ever complain or be upset by anything if MN had its way, other than unexpected visitors and not making at least 42 meals out of a whole chicken…obviously.

I just read the post about ‘you came here to ask if YABU and were told you were and kicked off’ and laughed, I mean I do see a lot of those kinda posts which are justified but this IS NOT ONE OF THEM in this situation you are not wrong at all I think you’ve been given really judgmental and crappy responses by a lot of people tbh and should entirely ignore about 60% of this thread.

I’m pleased to see that most professionals are a bit aghast this has happened to you. My husbands (doctor) really was very shocked this happened and it certainly wouldn’t have been allowed in his hospital. I would listen to the people with actual experience who are advising you rather than MN hoards wielding pitchforks who frankly think you’re insane for not making your DD walk two miles and catch a bus into hospital alone with her appendicitis xxx

Hope the operation went well and your daughter recovers quickly.
My dd is 15, 16 in March. She will no longer need me for NHS dentist, doctor and optician appointments. She is adamant she won't be going on her own and will be expecting me to go along.
At nearly 16 she is sensible, knowledgeable and able to cope in many situations. But she is still a child and when ill would want her mum.

Just to update those interested.

After sitting in the car park, for 2 hours and calling recovery as directed but they did not answer, I went up to the surgical wards there are 8 at this hospital.

I found a nurse, who was lovely and showed me where the operating theatre exit was got me a chair and said wait here and you will see your daughter come out. They were horrified that I was not told anything.

Finally my daughter come out and was transferred to a ward, she was constantly throwing up, the sister in charge allowed me to stay without me even asking, on a chair next to her bed, as she said that it would be better as my daughter as she is so young.

The ward was busy, last night a woman in the bay clearly distressed screamed all night for her husband, shouting they are killing her, the nurses were not in the bay all night and a couple of men were wandering around at 1pm who clearly had a drink issues and had left the hospital and managed to get hold of some. My daughter had me with her so was less overwhelmed.

We are hoping to be able to go home today!!

I would ask all those saying that I was in the wrong would they like these conditions on a post natal ward? Would this be acceptable.

All those saying if I did not like the set up I should go private unfortunately we do not have any private A&E hospitals near us.

This could have been dealt with in a better way, by a sister using their own common sense and followed their own policies which clearly state that parent/carers can stay with under 18s on the ward.

Thank you so much for taking the time to update Op. I'm really really glad you're with your daughter. Hope you both get home today and she recovers ASAP.

To add to all the others saying it’s not nationwide policy that you are sent to an adult ward the day after you turn 16 - the 6 hospitals I was sent to as part of my nurse training, and the 3 I subsequently worked in, all had a policy that you went to the children’s ward if you were 16 and still in education; as far as I’m aware, none of them have changed that policy. Our ‘local’ hospital (albeit an hour away in the next county) has 2 children’s wards - one for infants and primary school ages and the other for senior school ages up to 18. The hospital in our county (more than an hour away so not ‘local’ and therefore not one we’ve used for our children) takes 16 year olds but, depending on condition, will take older in their dedicated adolescent unit.

@Teenangels pleased your daughter is OK, that you were allowed to stay with her and that sense prevailed.
We all know the NHS is broken, on its knees and short of money. Allowing you to stay with your daughter would have not cost the NHS anything time or money wise.

So glad to hear your update OP.

My DD is 16 and I would feel exactly the same way as you. I would not be willing to leave her alone, she is still a child.
I really hope you are both home soon.

(ignore all the awful, nasty trolls on here, unbelievable how heartless some people are, it’s disgusting)

Glad to hear your update and that you were allowed to do what was clearly the sensible thing. Wishing her a speedy recovery x

Well in her opening post, the OP hadn't seen the ward and only had the description of the staff to go by. Her fears were totally valid though as her DD is next to mixed toilets & she wasn't allowed to stay with her.

Wishing your daughter a swift recovery OP x

Thank you for the update, @Teenangels. What a terrible experience for you both. I do hope your daughter recovers well and quickly.
The state of the NHS, though, sounds as if it will never recover.

I've only seen this thread this morning. I'm so pleased the nurse you found was compassionate and the post surgical ward was sensible enough to realise it was best for you to stay.

The way you and your daughter were treated last night wasn't acceptable though.

Hope your daughter has a swift recovery and is soon at home in her own bed to finish her recovery.

I’m sorry you’ve had this experience, OP!

I wouldn’t have liked this either and think that the hospital should have used common sense, rather than a decision based on age alone!

My DS has a forthcoming operation and has just turned 16. He’s going to be looked after by paediatrics. This is due to recent MH issues (amongst other things) and this was deemed the best environment for him. Thankfully the hospital have agreed.

I hope your DD is feeling a bit better today and makes a speedy recovery.

Glad you were able to stay with your DD. Wishing her a speedy recovery 💐