16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

When I was a child in the 70s, parents weren't allowed to stay with their children .They could only come at visiting times excep in exceptional circumstances.I was in a week at age 4 for 2 operations, and another week at 8. I would have loved my parents to stay, but I just had to get on with it.i hope sure your dd will manage

@Teenangels I haven't read every post. But I have just been in hospital with a child with appendicitis. Yes it's scary. I can see why she's worried as she doesn't know what to expect.

The hospital we were in had a teens ward up to 19. They don't seem to want parents of teens to stay, but the teems were also away from adults above 19 and there were nurses everywhere overnight (it was hard to sleep as it was so busy).

In your position I would be asking (begging) to stay with her overnight. Even in a chair. She may find it hard to walk to the toilet and will probably be confused on painkillers. I hope they've let you stay and I very much hope she recovers quickly.

I must say.. as an adult/general/surgical nurse by background… I would be opting for you to stay with her if you so desired. She is a child. I would actually want you there to answer any important questions and to reassure her. YANBU.

Create a bit, get your voice heard. You are her mother, support and advocate.

I hope your daughter is okay and recovering OP. Some of these responses have been awful. I’m a fully grown adult at 33 and would not have been okay with going in alone for surgery because it’s scary. I’m sorry that this happened, I don’t think it’s right

She is absolutely a child at 16. 16 year olds can't even play the lottery anymore!
I would also be fuming. How is your daughter @Teenangels ?

Hope your daughter’s operation went well and you got to see her. Wishing her (and you) a speedy recovery from all of this.

My experience is that if you sit quietly in the chair by her bed, then you are unlikely to get asked to leave. So no need to beg or even ask.

Hope your daughter is ok, OP. 🙂

That seems true. Just hoping that the OP has managed to get back in to the hospital now and can stay, even in a chair.

Really hoping the op is back with her daughter on a better, kinder, and more professional post op ward and that the op went well.

Conditions in hospitals are sub human and that isn't particularly new. I am at a loss to understand why the people who work in hospitals think the standards are acceptable. They are not.

I wouldn’t stay in a zero star hotel with crap service, that was noisy and a bit grubby with rude and unkind staff. We certainly shouldn't be putting up with those standards in the NHS. Not all patients are scum bags, with no dignity and who live in sub optimal accommodation. Hospitals should be far better.

If anyone on this thread stayed in a Premier Inn, where the room temperature couldn't be controlled, the other guests were out of control and the staff were keeping them awake giggling and yapping about their partners, children and holidays, it wouldn’t be acceptable. Yet those standards are acceptable in the NHS. In my experience the standards weren't better 10, 20, 30, 40 or even 50 years ago.

@Teenangels just wanted to send you and your daughter good wishes. I hope you are with her now. Please contact pals and/or management tomorrow morning and insist on being allowed to stay with your DD. Good luck x

@RosesAndHellebores what makes you think the people who ‘work in the nhs think the standards are acceptable?’. The nurses have just balloted to strike over pay AND conditions for the very reason that conditions were better in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. The conditions will remain dreadful without extra funding, better pay to attract and retain staff, thus filling the thousands of outstanding vacancies contributing to the issues.

I assure those that work in the NHS know how absolutely dire the situation is.

This.

I think how some posters have replied to you is appalling. I bet no one would leave their poorly 16 year old daughter on a mixed ward waiting for an op. Cruel. And I wish posters would stop saying that the NHS is on its knees snd staff are stressed so we shouldn’t complain snd must be grateful for this. Sorry but no I won’t.

Yes and if they're on their knees then even more inappropriate to force the OP to leave her daughter alone. To be honest, it's not only the risk of assault / fear of assault but also just the basics, will she have fresh water / be able to reach it / be fed / have a buzzer nearby / anyone to even answer the buzzer. All of these were concerns before the more recent decline.

I really feel for you Op. If your daughter was really upset I just don’t understand why you couldn’t stay with her. How is making you go and leave her alone in the best interests of the patient. YANBU. The ones telling you that you can’t stay with your frightened, in agony daughter are being unreasonable.

@RosesAndHellebores This government has starved the NHS of resources. But what you say is not true. I have had a lot of experience of the NHS over the last few years. Wards are not grubby, they are in any hospitals I have been involved in very clean. Sheets are changed every day. Food ranges from reasonable to good. It is always too hot for visitors but not for really ill patients. I have had to fetch more blankets for my mother when the ward to me was very warm.

I’m presently in a side room on a ward with my 16yr old DD. It’s my third night on a camp bed looking after her. I’ve been fed and treated very well. I’m grateful to have been allowed to stay with her.

This.

I would add, if an HCA or similar do question your staying, just lie and say you have permission. They do not have the same authority to ignore the rules and usually seem more afraid to bend them than qualified nurses. But if you just say a Dr or nurse said it was fine, they will just go away.

Catering staff if you are friendly will usually give you drinks and even food. If they do not offer, just ask if there is any unwanted food as you are with your daughter and do not want to leave her alone. On surgical wards there is a lot of uneaten food, I do not mean plates returned uneaten, just food refused and sandwiches unopened. Many patients do not feel well enough after surgery to eat.

If you need anything extra like blankets for example, scan and see if there is a student nurse on the ward. They are usually a bit bored and will happily do things you ask them.

Encourage your DD to have pain relief if offered. If she turns it down but needs it later, there can be a delay in getting it. And pain relief is more effective anyway if you do not leave it until you are desperate for it.

If your DD has to stay in more than tonight, then please try and get someone else to come and sit with her so you can go home and shower, change and just have a bit of a break. You will both benefit from this. But make sure you are there in the morning for ward round as that is when the Dr comes around and will tell you what is happening and can answer any questions. Times of ward rounds vary in different hospitals and wards anytime from 7 am to 10am. But ask the HCA and nurses and they can tell you.

It's tough because on one hand it's obviously far from ideal but if that was the only bed available and she was in dire need, I'm not sure what other option is available. Having said that I'd definitely push to stay with her.

My experience of mixed wards is that someone is usually keeping an eye out for breaches between male and female patients and I'd like to hope that would be even more so in light of someone so young being there, but I realise that may not always be the case.

I hope she's feeling better soon.

@alseb I am glad you got a side room and hope your DD is better soon.

@capri It depends on other patients. Someone dying should always be in a side room and should be prioritised above anyone else.

Hope she is ok. My daughter would be petrified in this situation, 16 is very young to be alone at a fragile time like this.

What a fucking horror of a human being you are @SofiaSoFar