16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

I'm a nurse and have worked in many mixed wards. It's likely that although it says mixed, men and women won't be sharing rooms together. In mixed wards that I've worked in, men are together in one room, then in the next room is women together, along with lots of single rooms which can be men or women. It doesn't necessarily mean they will be mixed together in the rooms. Hope that makes sense.

I can't see why you wouldn't be allowed to go with her to wait for her on the ward before she goes into surgery, if she wants you there. I could understand it if she was going into a pre-surgical area.

It’s awful that she’s sat on a chair in a waiting room btw. Terrible.

Demand to speak to who eva is on charge of shift in a&e and state that this is not appropriate.
Tell them you have contacted PALs and ask for consultants secretary's contact details to speak to them about it.
Just keep making a noise. I'm so sorry they are putting your child's privacy and dignity at risk.It

i mean it's not like she was 6.

Hi OP
I don't know where you are but i work in an acute trust with mixed sex wards but the bays are very much seperated, ie. one end of the ward is male, and the other end female. May not give you peace of mind, but that could be the case?

This.

Not ideal but she's getting treatment. It might just be a pre-op ward and she won't be there long. Also, when my mum was in recently it was a mixed ward but actually they kept the bays to the same sex. So, 8 women in mums bit, a corridor area with nurses station and a private room or two then another bay at the end with 8 men.

The not being able to go with her YANBU but the mixed ward I couldn't get too worked up about.

Ok, Carry on being furious but its not going to help matters. I stand by what I said. good luck.

I mean, if anyone has had morphine, regardless of age, they will need someone with them on a normal ward to sign forms and so on I'd have thought as they won't be making much sense.

I understand you are upset but I am 99% certain as a nurse that she will be in a female bay in a mixed ward. There will be separate bathrooms etc so she is not at risk. It’s also normal practice for 16-17 year old to be classed as adults in hospital, it wouldn’t be right for her to be in a bay of infants and toddlers either

Sounds like it might not be clear what is meant by a "mixed ward". You should at least be able to go up with her. Simply insist on it!

Ask to speak to the ward manager or senior nurse in charge. Explain your concerns, and ask them what their policy is on mixed accommodation. State you will not be leaving your child. In my hospital we are not allowed to have mixed sex in the same space for more than 4 hours and we have to provide separate toilets for each sex etc. And as a senior nurse and a mother myself I would be bedding your child somewhere that I can keep you with her. All being well they'll have her down to surgery later today and you'll be home tomorrow maybe even tonight if you're lucky!

Welcome to Tory Britain. This is the norm and she may well be there tomorrow waiting.

I know it's not a race to the bottom but both times I was in hospital as a child, once for an op and once for meningitis, my parents just left me there aged 10 and 12 and came to pick me up at discharge, didn't visit or anything.
I was okay.
I'm sure you're worried about her but as others have said, if this is the only bed they have, you'll have to go with it. However, it might be worth reminding them of this:
www.gov.uk/government/news/new-rights-for-nhs-patients
"Single sex accommodation: a new pledge making it explicit that this is what patients can expect"

Unfortunately 16 counts as adult in surgical specialities. She will go to a mixed sex ward but she will not be surrounded by adult men. She will be in a female only bay with a female only toilet or side room. It just means that on that ward there will be male bays too but they will not mix the sexes. I know it must feel awful having your daughter very poorly but she will get the care that she needs. I am surprised that they are not letting you stay with her, all visiting regulations are different in each hospital and ward to ward since covid but you should ask to speak to nurse in charge of the ward or failing that, the surgical matron to ask for authorisation to stay with her if you feel it will negatively impact her mental health to be away from a parent. Such a scary time for you all but sending you best wishes x

Nope, they don't get to have it both ways.

Either she goes to a single sex ward OR you go with her.

Anything else is a clear safeguarding hazard. The hospital need to act in her best interests. Why can't you go with her, in any case?

Happened to dd same age earlier this year. The ward was mixed but bay was single sex. I was allowed to stay with her. Later she was moved to a single room for "safeguarding reasons due to her age" and again a parent was allowed to stay at all times so we took it in turns including overnight. There was a male bay opposite and I wasn't going to leave her with men In surgical gowns arses out wandering about.

OP, at 16, she is in fact an adult.

As an adult, she has no right to be 'accompanied' by her parent.

I understand that you feel she is still young, and maybe immature, but the fact remains that she can leave education, get a job and have a family at 16 years old, and there is absolutely nothing you could do about it.

All kids get moved to 'adult' wards etc as soon as they are 16 years old.
It has to happen at that age, because having 16yr olds staying in the same wards as babies and young children is unacceptable for their parents too !

It's a wake up call to you that you still consider your DD to be a 'child', instead of a young adult.

Also she very much needed me there to advocate for her and chase up pain meds tests etc.

Do you mean bays of all women and bays of men. If she's 16 she'll cope with other women.

We should not be made to feel we have to be 'grateful' for dangerous 'care'.

Ask if there's an alternative bed. If there is then there is absolutely a case that she she should be moved- if I were nurse I charge I certainly would try and accommodate this. If there's no other bed available (which is expect is the case) she might have to stay. Ask the nurse in charge to escualte to the Bed Manager so they are aware of her and can move her should a bed arise.

The surgical ward I'm normally on is a mixed ward but the bays are either male or female and all have their own toilet/bathroom facilities. Few hospitals can have totally separate male/female wards.

You could ask if the team have considered antibiotics rather than surgery. There's been a lot of research over the last 2 years on antibiotics v surgery in uncomplicated appendicitis and antibiotics can be very successful with no recurrence of appendicitis.

I wouldn't be too worried about the mixed sex ward, but that's because I would be with my DD - there is NO way I would agree to leave her. In your shoes I would just go with her, what are they going to do, carry you out?

I was in hospital a few years back after a hysterectomy. I thought it was a female ward. I only found out on discharge it was mixed. I was in a female bay. It really didn’t upset me. I wouldn’t fancy being on a mixed bay though