I work until 2 a.m. five nights a week. Husband woke me up at 5:30 this morning so he could go for a run before work.

[MonicaFaloolaGeller]

Not by accident while he was getting dressed or anything. 11mo DS was still awake after his bottle and DH “had to go” so he woke me up to sit with him and get him back to sleep.

I wasn’t working last night, but on the two nights I’m not working I really struggle to get to sleep early, so I was awake til after 1.

If he’d foregone the run, or even just made it a bit shorter and got DS back down before leaving, I could have had two more hours of sleep.

AIBU to be absolutely fucking raging?

Who the hell wants to run at 5.30am on a dark cold morning. Mad.

😂 you sound like the voice inside my head when the alarm went off this morning

If this was me in the situation my DH would be guaranteed to win the marathon because I'd be chasing him to shake some sense into him and he'd be running for his life ! Seriously though I'd be having a sit down, heart to heart with him tonight to tell him how damn selfish he was to do that

Either he is really mean or really thoughless. He is certainly unreasonable!

You could just wake him for a really animated chat at 2:00am (every morning) before you go to bed next week... (you'd be going along with his assumption that this is reasonable behaviour and letting him re-think his position.)

If this were reversed the answers would be very different.

It's one morning on a day where you aren't at work the night before. I really don't think it's unreasonable.

I F+++ing HATE men and their training for big sporting events when there are small children involved. DH started training for a marathon when very-poor-sleeper DS was about 6 months. I could just about cope with the hours he spent running, but.... he couldn't be disturbed the night before a big training run so I had to do the nights. Then, I'd have to get up early with DS. and then, what really really pissed me off is that he would then start having a little lie in so that he was fresh for his run and exacerbated this by FAFFING before he finally left eg he'd get up at 8 but only leave at 9:30.

It all came to a head when he came in one Sunday at 2pm (he'd slept in, faffed about, then gone for a 3 hour run which turned into 4 hours because he got lost). I was sitting on the floor in the lounge with DS who had been up since 5:30am after a difficult night. I looked up at him and pointed out that it was mothers day.....

My DH, thank god, realised at that point what a complete DICK he had been. He started getting up early to do the run and then didn't do another marathon after that one for a few years. But I'm still slightly resentful whenever I think about it, even now 10 years later, that it took him that long to work it out because whenever I had mentioned it, he would act like I was being such a whining nag.

Shift work is notorious for screwing up your body clock. You can’t just shift from one sleep pattern to another - it’s like jet lag and takes your body a few days to adjust. In the meantime, you ideally need catch-up sleep, sleeping later in the morning or napping.

I think you have to tell him you’re sacrificing by working anti-social hours which have consequences for your health and it is either the extra money for your family or his training. Which is his priority? How is he going to help minimise the effects of shift work on your health by facilitating catch up sleep?

Ha ha ha ha

Tell us how reasonable you think it is when YOU are woken up at 5.30am after 4 hours sleep, do childcare all day, then work your next shift until 2am, maybe getting to bed by 2.30am.

That's 21 hours on the go @SquishyGloopyBum
But you reckon it's fine, because the husband got his run?

NGL, this would be a dealbreaker for me if I had a husband that was such an inconsiderate arsehole. We have had the luxury of a spare room for the past 13-14 years, so fortunately, when DH ever did any shift work or early mornings, I was able to sleep in the spare room. I'd be ill if I was woken up at 5am every day when I had only gone to bed at 2am, and the marriage wouldn't last.

Does he have time to do the training after work or some other time? He's obviously wrong to do this without a discussion but I'm trying to figure out if he is just unreasonable or a totally complete asshole.

I’m inclined to agree with you although it might attract some criticism. Baby should be able to self-settle.

Yes because really it's like someone on a normal sleep pattern being woken up at two in the morning and then be expected to be up for the rest of the day and then do a night shift.

It's so totally unreasonable I can only see that people who are (selfish) runners or are men pretending to be women to wind us up go along with the DH.

OP you need to sit down with your DH and point out how unreasonable he's being and how damaging it is to your marriage. Don't let him play the nagging card. Everyone needs sleep and hobbies are not essential whereas sleep definitely is. He needs to find a workaround that doesn't affect your family life.

She did go to bed earlier though, 1am rather than 2.30am. You know how jet lag works surely, so apply the same logic.

This. ^ And isn't it funny how MEN decide to really throw themselves into sports and hobbies soon after they have babies, and when they have small children?! Golf, running, cycling, footie, etc etc etc?! They also suddenly end up working more hours too! Imagine if women/the mother of the children decided to fuck off out as often as MEN do? Who would look after the children eh?!

HE is as responsible for the children as she is, AND 50% responsible for creating them, (even though someone will no doubt come up with that tedious FAKE crap 'women are the ones who want the children, not the men!')

Some 30 years later - when the kids have left home - these same men barely leave the fucking house. They're often glued to the TV or games console, arse stuck in their armchair, moaning about their constant stream of imaginary health ailments. And when they're not doing that, they're following their wife around all day asking her what she's doing, and what's for lunch/tea/dinner?

Tell you what. Why don't you go to bed at 5pm today and then tell us how long it takes you to get to sleep.

God there are some ridiculous people on this thread.

He is scum, OP. Literal scum.

Fuck this. He uses actual annual leave for his training? I bet he's out long hours at the weekend too.

Unless he can come up with a schedule that doesn't affect your sleep then forget it. Your kids are too young and you are burning the candle at both ends as it is. If he wants a wife who can do the childcare around his training then he needs to earn more so you don't have to work unsocial hours.

So it is the very first time this has happened.

How long have you been working these hours?

By my reckoning he could do Thursday nights and one day at the weekend where he could set out at 8pm and have a 3 hr run when you're in the house so there's no child care issue, and the children are already in bed, so hopefully you could get a bit of peace or do the things you wanted to do without the children around your feet. Surely this would be the 'compromise' position that is reasonable for longer runs - because it would have less of an impact on you and the family than what he's doing at the moment - and at this time of year it won't be any darker then than it is at 6am.

And how long have you been doing the job?

That's not true.

OP I do the same as you, 5 nights a week, 2.30am bedtime (I wonder if we work in similar place 🤔😂) and I would also be furious! Regardless of weather you worked the night before or not he needs to realise that full time shifts of that nature mean your sleep is ultra important and waking you at 5.30am is the peak of selfishness!

what’s the reason he can’t go for a run later on? Or is he just wanting to stick to a particular routine?

if you don’t do this kind of shift pattern 5 days a week, you have no idea how it conditions your body, you can’t just go to bed at 10/11pm on 2 nights because your not working, your body just doesn’t let you!!

You can see how he thought he was in the right though, there are a few on this thread who agree with him.

How is that anything to do with you. You seem determined to undermine the op and quite frankly are borderline bullying.

I have worked 9-5.30 all my adult life and even I can see what he did was monumentally selfish.