I work until 2 a.m. five nights a week. Husband woke me up at 5:30 this morning so he could go for a run before work.

[MonicaFaloolaGeller]

Not by accident while he was getting dressed or anything. 11mo DS was still awake after his bottle and DH “had to go” so he woke me up to sit with him and get him back to sleep.

I wasn’t working last night, but on the two nights I’m not working I really struggle to get to sleep early, so I was awake til after 1.

If he’d foregone the run, or even just made it a bit shorter and got DS back down before leaving, I could have had two more hours of sleep.

AIBU to be absolutely fucking raging?

Why does that matter?

OP is already sleep deprived and husband woke her up after only 4 hours of sleep, on a day when she has a late shift, to give her a baby. This isn't just selfish, this is DANGEROUS for OP's health. I'm sorry OP and I know firsthand how hard sleep deprivation is

I'm hoping this is on the wrong thread, otherwise trans chat is encroaching on absolutely everything!

And yes tell him to do his runs in the evenings that you are around, as sleep appears to be a non essential for you, then surely he can stay up a bit later too.

Ha, yes to @MsMarch ^^. I live on a popular cycling route and every weekend hoards of lycra-clad blokes come whizzing jauntily around the roads, having a right old jolly - and I always think, somewhere at home there is a zombified woman sitting on the living room floor surrounded by toddlers and lego and weetabix and the detritus of her so-called life....

Your schedule sounds utterly exhausting. Your husband should wait until you're getting a proper amount of sleep before running marathons. There are plenty of running clubs etc. and less time consuming activities he could participate in. It sounds like he thinks it's your choice to stay up late. I'd explain to him that you going to bed earlier would be like him having to go to bed for the night at 5.30pm, and that your need for sleep trumps his desire to train for a marathon.

He's being a twat. Hours where the other parent's work schedule requires them to be asleep are not available for hobby time.

By the sound of this pattern the OP is already massively sleep deprived - she doesn't work Thursday night and one weekday night, best case scenario is Saturday off. So she has:
Monday: sleep 2.30 til 7ish, 4.5 hours
Tuesday:4.5
Wednesday:4.5
Thursdays:4.5
Fridays: sleep from whenever she can (say 1) til 5:30 - 4.5ish again
Saturday: 2:30 till whenever she has to get up (does he get up with the kids)
Sunday: whenever she gets to sleep (say 1) until up with kids

Husband can go to be at a normal time every day and get 7 hours, no problem. His wife is running on empty. Her sleep hours aren't available for him to go running.

With their opposite schedules there are no weekday hours available for out of the home hobbies except Thursday PM. Weekends are available from OPs wake time until her shift start (on one day) and until his bedtime the other day. That is the only free slots, and it needs to be fairly shared

what is it with men they think they dont have to change anything when they have dc

life carries on as normal for them

Well we’ve had a blazing row (over text message… always productive) and the sun of it is that he feels that because he informed me of his intention to go out early today it’s my own fault if I’m tired because I “stayed up late”. If I don’t want him to do it every Friday I have to reimburse him the extra it will cost him to get a later train. Going running after the DC are in bed in the evening is “unrealistic”. Oh, and the real kicker was “Believe me if i did as much running as I actually want to then you’d know about it. I used up a load of holiday training on Fridays rather than spend hours at a weekend out running, and even when I did run at weekends in the summer I had to do it in the middle of the day when it was hot because I had to wait for you to get up. I haven't been to the gym in months even though I need to.”

He basically thinks I should be accepting all this because it means a weekend away to the place the marathon is happening. Like it’s a romantic trip away that happens to include a marathon, and not the other way around.

Honestly reading your last update it sounds as if you’re both had enough of how your shift pattern affects your day to day life.

You need to take up a hobby.

One that will keep you out of the house an equal amount of time as your DH thinks he is entitled to do.

He's a shit. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt until that last update of yours @MonicaFaloolaGeller at 15:20 but he has shown himself to be a shit.

It doesn't sound like your working pattern is working for any of you, none of you sound happy and you're not having any quality time as a family. You and DH could do with sitting down and maybe consider some other options

It was! I asked for it to be deleted as soon as I noticed. It would have been quite a random response to this issue!

Because you said this was the first time that this had ever happened.

rather different if you’ve been doing these hours for the last 10 years over this being your first week… don’t you think??

OP he's a world-class entitled shit. Sorry you ended up with someone who does not feel that he has any responsibility to his kids. My guess is that he's very old-fashioned about gender roles? Most especially when that suits him?

Difficult one. I wake my DH because I go to work at 7.30, so up at 6.30, use the very noisy coffee machine directly under our room. Equally, he wakes me up coming in from work at 3am, but he creeps out if he wants to get up etc. Tomorrow being Saturday, I'll be up at 6 to feed the dogs and then I'll go back to bed, but three of them means it's quite noisy. I'm on the fence on this one, but my DH would definitely give me the lie in if he could, so possibly very unreasonable of him.

Oh, and the real kicker was “Believe me if i did as much running as I actually want to then you’d know about it. I used up a load of holiday training on Fridays rather than spend hours at a weekend out running, and even when I did run at weekends in the summer I had to do it in the middle of the day when it was hot because I had to wait for you to get up. I haven't been to the gym in months even though I need to.”

he isn’t happy
you spend you days fighting tears because you’re so tired
can’t be pleasant for your children

This job isn’t working oP.

Running later is unrealistic, but depriving you of sleep you actually need to function is apparently just fine.

Honestly OP tell him either he changes his running times or you give up your job. He seems to think you're some idle student staying up late for game playing, rather than simply having your body clock screwed by night working.

I don't understand your husband's logic? It's you own fault for staying up late due to a night job you are on to provide for your children and allow childcare?

Take up marathon running yourself OP.

Stay up all night the night before the marathon playing vuvuzela in his ear.

Tell the sod that he needs to go to bed and sleep at 6pm. Point out that's what he's asking of you, and that you aren't working shifts for shits and giggles

He needs to grow the hell up, you have a far harder deal here as you're working FT and doing the vast majority of the awake hours childcare too.

Maybe a chart showing, over the week:

• hours worked
• travel to work
• childcare (children awake)
• at home relaxing (children asleep)
• hours sleeping
• hours doing hobbies

Actual hard numbers might help

Oh @MonicaFaloolaGeller - this is way more complicated, isn't it...

Can you recalibrate........ you know, talk, listen to each other, find common ground?

Or separate. 💐

I actually stuck up for him earlier in thread… but the message he sent shows him to be a selfish dick. Reimburse him for train tickets? Wtf….