I work until 2 a.m. five nights a week. Husband woke me up at 5:30 this morning so he could go for a run before work.

[MonicaFaloolaGeller]

Not by accident while he was getting dressed or anything. 11mo DS was still awake after his bottle and DH “had to go” so he woke me up to sit with him and get him back to sleep.

I wasn’t working last night, but on the two nights I’m not working I really struggle to get to sleep early, so I was awake til after 1.

If he’d foregone the run, or even just made it a bit shorter and got DS back down before leaving, I could have had two more hours of sleep.

AIBU to be absolutely fucking raging?

Just coming back to possibly add some advice (rather than my imaginary scene) - when your DH does come back, you should say to him that you need your sleep. If he wants to go on a run that's fine but on the morning that you need a lie on - he has to settle your child back to sleep, or put a nightlight on in their room and let them play with a few toys in their cot, so that he settles them back to at least a point that he can leave the house and they aren't crying the house down. If that means he goes on a 30 minute run rather than a 50 minute run, so be it.
If he ever does anything like what he did this morning, you will move into the spare room and lock the door so he can't get to you! Then invest in some ear plugs and a sleep eye mask and get your rest.

If he takes every Friday morning off, is he using up all his annual leave? Or is it flexible hours.
I hope he has annual leave left for family.

Whereas OP is what, living a life of luxury?! Where does she get her time off, or is it ok for her to work, sleep 4 hours a night and do childcare? Why couldn’t he run last night after work instead?

@Naunet she has two mornings off so the poster was suggesting one each as dh obviously gets up early all the other mornings and then goes to work and if OP works evenings he can't run then so if its one morning why the big deal

If DH needs exercise at that time in the morning and his child is awake, he should put him in the pram and take him for a walk.

OP's work and shift pattern is not optional, going for a run is.

@Naunet maybe he was doing childcare then , and the Op gets time off presumably when her dh is home at weekend , they both work not just OP

She works nights, so I don’t know what on earth you’re talking about referencing her having mornings off.

Again, why couldn’t he run last night instead seeing as she wasn’t working?

Are you having a stupid moment? We all have them but... come on.

This is something loads of families need to do. It is also advice given out on mumsnet on every thread about needing more money.
"If you cant afford childcare, work different shifts. One of you needs to do back shift or night shift."
They need 2 salaries. Childcare is really expensive. They work opposite shifts.

Very normal behaviour.

ugh! I wish I could pop to my gym classes like I used to in the mornings before work before I had a child - i wish I could pop out for a drink after work last minute - but I can't - I have to do the nursery run! so I had to change up my routine - I now use my lunch break at work to go for a run as there's no other time!

Why couldn't he go for a run in the evening after the kids are in bed asleep?

He needs to change up his routine -

id be absolutely raging !!

His sleep is presumably disrupted but you coming to bed 5 nights a week at 2.30am?
Why would it be? It's routine.
She's also not deliberately waking him, thrusting a baby at him, & leaving the house ...
Do people who share a bed have to synchronise getting into it in the same minute? Suppose one of them has a late one binge-watching netflix, are they not allowed to get into the shared bed with their partner?

you have an 11 month old and you so give night shifts a week, every week?
Yes, @Gumreduction - people who work night shifts can have children ...

Is there another time he could do this? I only seem to be able to have a good run in the mornings so maybe he’s the same and I can understand if so.

But then I accepted that when our kids were young, I couldn’t just do things at the best time for me if it didn’t suit others. Maybe the marathons have to be stopped until your child is older or until work circumstances change if he can’t do his training at times that mean you’ve actually had enough sleep.

@Tyrozet but it was her day off , should he have the baby 7 days a week then as he can't do it 5 days because of work and can't do it on one of her days off either , we don't have anywhere near a full story here just a one off event
Maybe OP goes out the 2 evenings she doesn't work so he can't go then and mornings is the onky time and it was agreed a friday morning

@Fupoffyagrasshole presumably because OP works night he will be doing the childcare if she finishes at 2 am then musts be At work 7 or so

I'm a runner and have done several marathons. (Thankfully I don't work shifts) I think runners can be selfish about their training but no more than other sports. Most that I know try to squeeze runs around work and family commitments.
I think both parties have to be on board if one is training for a long distance event. When kids were young always, I always discussed with DH whether to start a marathon training plan and wouldn't have done if he wasn't agreeable. I gave up my club training for 2 years when it clashed with one of my DC activities and DH wasn't willing/able to get home to do the associated drop offs.
Iron-man training I would say is incompatible with very young children.

It's called co-parenting @RylansBeard
Assuming OP's DH has a day job, he obviously expects HER to work around him being gone 8am - 6pm.
Not sure why you chose to portray OP's working life as her being "gone" rather than - ooooh I dunno, "earning a living."

Maybe the shifts work for them because they can work around each other, take care of their own child, & avoid childcare costs.
Maybe this is the only affordable way for them.
Maybe OP would prefer to work days, but DH doesn't wish to co-pay for nursery, so she works all night & parents all day. Whereas he works all day, parents in the evening, & sleeps all night. Who knows?
Maybe this is the only way they can manage.

He could have dressed ds up warm, gone for a run pushing him in the buggy, and ds would have come back asleep!

This is EXACTLY what my DH used to do with both our DC. Worked beautifully.

Who said go to bed 4 hours earlier?! But even midnight would be better.

And yes I would be able to go to sleep 2 hours before I normally do.

That's nice for you @FreakyFrie
But not possible for OP. You telling her she ought to go to sleep isn't the magic wand you seem to think it is!

And it's only one run, why does his hobby take priority over the OPs need to sleep?

Not usually one to side with the guys but he can't go out for a run in the evenings generally as he has an 11 month old to care for.
We dont know who was caring the night before the incident.. And if said 11 month old has been up teething/ random regression/ sickness until 2am this dude could just desperately need a break before a 9 hr day at work...

@healthadvice123 the runners/parents at my work go in their lunch breaks during the week
Theres no problem with him going at 5.30 on the OPs day off if the DC are usually decent sleepers and the OP is ok with that but not if baby wakes before he goes. Where’s the empathy for his partner???

@babyyodaxmas

'for the last time'

WTF do you think you are? You're not 'The Boss'. Your opinion isn't 'law'. FFS

Maybe she can't have a nap when he gets home.

it's irrelevant anyway!

no one NEEDS to train for a marathon, his hobby does not take priority over her sleep.

you can't just decide you're training for a marathon, without discussion with & agreement of your partner if you have children. They need to agree to do more than their share of home life & they may not want to, to facilitate your hobby.

If you had actually been working until 2am then fair enough but you weren’t even at work, you just chose to stay up late. You have a small child. They get up early. Why should he have to cancel something he’s planned because you chose to stay up late?

I'm joining the minority of "when else can he run" assuming he's working or in charge of the children pretty well the entire rest of the time.

If I don't get some outdoor exercise I definitely miss the buzz plus the mental space you get. A workout indoors doesn't really have the same headspace benefits, plus you still have to worry about waking people up. So I can get the desperation to get out and get a run in while you can!

I'm not sure why so many PP's are falling for this logic fail.

Last night was OP's night off.
Why can this man not run in the evening, while OP is home, & awake, as she is not working?
Why does it have to be at wife-waking-o'clock the next morning?

The night before when OP wasn’t working. Or in his lunch break which has also been suggested.