I work until 2 a.m. five nights a week. Husband woke me up at 5:30 this morning so he could go for a run before work.

[MonicaFaloolaGeller]

Not by accident while he was getting dressed or anything. 11mo DS was still awake after his bottle and DH “had to go” so he woke me up to sit with him and get him back to sleep.

I wasn’t working last night, but on the two nights I’m not working I really struggle to get to sleep early, so I was awake til after 1.

If he’d foregone the run, or even just made it a bit shorter and got DS back down before leaving, I could have had two more hours of sleep.

AIBU to be absolutely fucking raging?

You need to work on your getting to sleep which is easier said than dobe. Could you speak to your GP,there might be other help bar sleeping pills. If you had managed to get to sleep by 10 then waking at 5.30am wouldn't have been a big deal. He didn't do it on your working day . I'd still likely be pissed off but you need to talk about it, no point silently raging.

Training for marathons takes a lot of time. Do you get the same amount of time for a hobby?
Tbh you do need a schedule - you each have 12 hours a day when you are responsible for the baby and 12 when you’re not, 7 days a week. And you need to work out the schedule between you so you’re both equally happy/unhappy with it. If he wants to go for a run, he needs to sacrifice his sleep and not yours.

Now you’ve said about the marathon I totally get it @MonicaFaloolaGeller . I don’t know what it is but distance running seems to turn otherwise lovely people into selfish shits who think everyone else is just there to facilitate their training.maybe a jogger pushchair would be a good Xmas gift? My neighbour has one and it looks hard work but that would be the obvious solution if he’s unable to run later.

Wow… someone would be getting shitty nappies put in his sneakers if he ever did that again.

No YANBU. What a massive selfish twat he is.

It's one shorter night. Hardly sleep deprivation. What time would you expect to start your day OP ? She's probably only missed an hours sleep. I think for me the clincher is if she is working tonight. If not then she can hit the hay when her DP walks through the door tonight. Such drama !

I don’t know if you’re thick or rude, or both.

I would be raging op and I only work until 11:00pm (also for childcare reasons, not by choice). Utterly selfish of him. My Dp does his exercise in the evening, he knows better than to disturb my precious sleep!

That is horrendous. I am sorry.

Ha ha

In such a heavy going thread, this actually made me laugh out loud. Really. Actually laughing out loud.

I'm picturing the scene:

Mum (tired beyond belief): "Well, now James, some randomer on the internet has just told me that you should have, and I quote 'minimal night waking' so be a dear and go back to sleep for mummy"

James (baby, wide awake and ready to start his day) : "gurgle, gurgle, WAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I want my bopbop {bottle for those in the know} WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I'm hungry!!!!" (not complying with some randomer on the internet's suggestions at all)

I hope you manage to get a nap at some stage today @MonicaFaloolaGeller

@babyyodaxmas

what about HER physical & mental health. Sleep is as important as exercise.

Well 4 hours earlier would give her 7 hours sleep before being woken up by her husband. I'd hazard a guess she doesn't get much sleep when she's working so even your suggestion that 5 hours is enough is one I would disagree with, plus of course just as I settled on 4 hours, you settled on 2, it doesn't make you any more right than me about what sleep she needs!

However, even if we go with all of you who think it was reasonable, do you not at the very least think he could have asked OP the night before if she was OK with his plan so she could have tried to get more sleep? Or would you genuinely be happy to be woken up after 3 hours with no discussion so your OH can do a hobby?

Seems to me like if he wants to keep marathon training he's better going for his runs on the days you don't work but in the evenings OP.

For the last time it is one night, probably only an hour or so. If it was everyday when she had Neen working till 2 it would be different. She can have a nap when he gets home tonight.

Bu OP dh was up with baby at 5 am , then he goes and does a full days work and not home until 6.30 pm he then may be doing childcare again tonight when OP has to go to work so surely he id doing his bit
OP could go back to sleep once baby had bottle had put back down or later in day have a nap

Because her mental health doesn’t matter?! I love it when people at least make it absolutely clear that they value men higher than women. 🙄

I feel angry just reading this, OP. I would be fucking furious if I were you.

I suggest a serious chat with your DH, telling him in no uncertain terms that he can never do this to you again. If that means he can't train for his marathon, so be it. His priority needs to be his family right now.

I am raging on your behalf.

And to be honest also think the fact he’s been taking Friday mornings off to run. Shouldn’t that spare time be spent looking after his kids - perhaps you could get a job with more sociable hours if he shared childcare?

Sex has nothing to do with this. The OP works 5 nights a week, it seems to me reasonable that they each get a " morning off", OP can choose to sleep for hers, DH is choosing to run.

@Naunet but its the op day off yesterday and maybe even today and if not tonight thrn her dh got up at 5 am with ds then is going to work all day and then will be doing childcare when he gets in as well so half hr run isn't that much to ask

This is really not ok. Your DH simply should have sucked it up, dealt with baby and had a shorter morning run.

That’s what life is like with babies, sometime we have to put our wants after their needs and rearrange our plans on short notice.

Time for a big chat when he gets home OP. You both need to agree that sleep takes priority and he needs to work out other ways to fit his running in and not expect you to pick up the slack.

I’m not convinced that training for marathons is compatible with 2 young children and a partner who is doing shift work for the benefit of the family. Running for exercise and mental health yes. Full on marathon training might need to wait until the DC are older. It’s not unusual to have to cut back on hobbies when you’re in the thick of the pre school years

@SafelySoftly he obviously does share childcare who is looking after them when OP is at work the fairies
Its one morning a week he has a run not all 7 , surely he is entitled to one morning a week before he goes tp work and the OP Was off last night

@Rainbowqueeen when would he fit it in other than OP day off ? He obviously is working all day and then doing childcare 5 nights whilst OP is at work so surely the only day to fit something in is on OP day off , you don't have to give up all hobbies when you have children , he got up with baby and gave bottle at 5 am and will working until 6.30 pm so maybe he wanted 30 mins to himself

It's not OP's fault either @FreakyFrie
It's an inevitable consequence of her shift pattern.
The shifts she works to co-support her household.

A fact PP are aware of from her own posts, so you'd imagine her own husband wouldn't struggle with the concept, even if you seem to ...

She gets a morning off? A morning when she’s sleeping because of her shift patterns? How is that time off? Maybe he can have his time off at 2am then by that logic.