I work until 2 a.m. five nights a week. Husband woke me up at 5:30 this morning so he could go for a run before work.

[MonicaFaloolaGeller]

Not by accident while he was getting dressed or anything. 11mo DS was still awake after his bottle and DH “had to go” so he woke me up to sit with him and get him back to sleep.

I wasn’t working last night, but on the two nights I’m not working I really struggle to get to sleep early, so I was awake til after 1.

If he’d foregone the run, or even just made it a bit shorter and got DS back down before leaving, I could have had two more hours of sleep.

AIBU to be absolutely fucking raging?

Your title suggests you were working until 2 and he woke you at 5 so he could go for a run, but then your post says you weren’t working the night before. So perhaps your DH felt it was ok to go for a run on one of your days off. If he had done it after you got back from work at 2ish then I’d say he’s being selfish.

@RylansBeard so no one should work shifts then?
Hospitals and care facilities should close at 5pm?
No public transport after normal office hours?
No shops open or re stocking after 5?
OP should give up her job to facilitate her H going for an early morning run?
Ridiculous post.

No OP should suck up being woken earlier than she'd like so her DP can preserve his mental physical health.

Wow. I would be raging. OP good luck with the conversation about why his hobby is more important than your need for more than 3 hrs sleep.

What an incredibly selfish person he must be. ☹️

(Ps sorry for some of the replies on the thread that haven’t bothered to read your OP properly 🙄)

It's annoying because of late night, but it's certainly not an ltb territory. You had evening off last night, even if you cannot fall asleep early, relaxing in bed brings some rest. And yes, I did evening shifts until 1-2am for a while...
I thought all parents are supposed to do their share even uf that means having occasionally sleep cut short🙈 that's certainly what mn says about fathers🙈

Am only surprised that some of the fruity PPs supporting the monumental cockwomble DH aren't also blaming the 11mo for not prioritising DH's hobby and going straight back to sleep or foregoing the bottle.

Or her DP can figure out a better time to go running and if thats not possible, he can take the child with him.

I very rarely wake him getting into bed, and if I do he goes straight back to sleep again.

On the face of it, yanbu

Does your 11mo still wake for a bottle regularly? Do you take turns or have am agreed schedule?

My DC were up for the day at that age. I have no idea how parents working shifts cope.

I would have a conversation amd set out a reasonable schedule.

We both worked regular hours. We took turns at the weekend, to lie in. By 11.30 the peraon had to be downstairs, showered, breakfasted and ready to completely take over.
A few times dp woke me to help deal with a poonami. I never woke for help. . It made me see he felt like parenting was my job and he was helping. . I went for an afternoon nap on those days. I also asked him not to wake me unless it was a real problem.

If DC had slept badly we did emergency cover. DP didn't take the piss and neither did I.

So does he do all night wakings while you’re working? I can understand him wanting the time to go for a run, especially if he’s responsible for the bulk of care during the night where he’s not getting sleep himself. What’s the split of childcare and housework like usually? Does nights exempt you from the dinner bedtime routines etc?

Your shiftwork is a problem. You two need rules to manage it together. No changing the rules suddenly at 5.30am when you fancy a run.

You both need enough sleep and you both need leisure time.

It all needs to be scheduled. Not a fun way to live, but less awful than constant exhaustion.

When can he run?

What hours can you sleep?

Night waking? In an 11month old I would expect minimal night waking

Today is one of his office days so he got the train up early and went for a run before starting work. He won’t be home til around 6:30 this evening.

What about the ops mental physical health? Have you seen the health impacts of sleep deprivation?

I'm sure OP will feed that back to her 11 month old, cheers

But if it was your nights off and he presumably has been up with the baby at 5 am and has to go to work today and look after baby until 2.30 am tonight when your at work?
Once your ds went back to sleep so could you ?

So, do you get an equivalent amount of time each week to go for exercise or a hobby while dh looks after the baby? And if you decided that just had to be at a time when your dh was asleep - it would be fine to wake him, right? You’re not expected to fit your exercise around dh’s work and sleep hours, the baby’s needs and so on?

Why can't he run locally and take the baby with him? He gets his run, you get more sleep and the baby gets some fresh air - win for everyone. Tell him to buy or borrow a second-hand running buggy.

If he was my husband he’d be very worried about returning back home tonight

honestly don’t stand for this rubbish he only does it because he can

There you go, OP - just tell your baby to shut up and get back to sleep.

He trains for marathons… when I started the job he was taking Friday morning off work every week as he was at the stage of his training runs being too long to do before 8am… then he did the marathon, took a break, and now he’s started training for the next one, so we’re back to him leaving at 5:30 on Fridays to run before work. And if DS happens to be awake then that’s just too bad for me, apparently.

She WORKS - do you think she's doing those hours for shits & giggles, or do you think she might be 'taking one for the team' so they don't have childcare costs??

FFS

I can see both sides.
I've worked shifts and I run.
I don't think he was unreasonable sorry getting up to go for a run on a morning when you weren't working the previous evening.
If he pulls his weight in other areas then I'd let it go.

I used to run. Couldn't run longer distances when the kids were really little because there was no time in the day to get the training in. Such is life. You shouldn't have kids if you don't expect life to change when you do.

Maybe there isn't a time when he can do all the long runs. So he needs to stop. Sleep comes first.

This isn’t an appropriate stage of life for him to run marathons. He’s a dad now and he has responsibilities to his wife and child. If he can afford to pay for the childcare to cover his training times, that would be another matter but he can’t. This is a family that can’t afford sociable working hours. He needs to cut his cloth, and pick a hobby that fits his actual lifestyle.