All children stay or none at all

[wowmummy]

My mum seems to have this joke that she will have my DS (5) to stay over at her house but not my twin DDs (3)

It is said in a joke way but it's meant if you know what I mean?

Aibu to say they all go and stay over or none at all? I don't want the girls to feel they are being left behind and unwanted 😔

Maybe the 3yo twins are too much for her too?

YABU. It is up to her to invite who she likes to her home - and that extends to you DCs.

They are 3. They will think whatever you tell them, so don’t make a fuss.

But it would give DS some one on one time with Granny and you some time to focus on twins without DS, so surely all children would benefit?

Big difference though having a single 5 year old, than a 5 yr old and twin toddlers. Maybe when they are older and able to listen, but I'd be a bit unsure about having all three as well

They could take turns? It's nice for kids to get one on one attention sometimes and not always travel as a pack.

I think 3 year old twins sound a lot of work compared to one 5 year old!

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, I’m afraid. Two three year olds are a very different prospect to one five year old. Let your DS enjoy his sleepovers.

I think uts fine as long as she has the younger ones (individually or together) when older.

If its long term favouritism its different

I would look after a well behaved five year old, two three year olds would be very much a no.

That's the way I'd see it too. 5, 3 & 3 is a demanding combination to take on.

Longer term as the twins get easier she could do more with them, either together or as individual time.

There's a huge difference between looking after 3 children and looking after 1.
YABU

What age did she start having DS over?
I'd suggest 1 at a time in rotation.
I wouldn't fancy looking after 3 children 5 and under in one go.

I never understand this. Why this absolute insistence that children be treated as one complete unit rather than recognising that that they are individuals.

two three year olds plus a five yr old? That’s a lot. I’d even be happy to let one of the twins go on their own so that everyone can get a bit of one on one.

It's about tone and context. If it is about a nice treat for DS1 while you look after the twins and in the the twins will be invited, it's fine. If it's going to be a favouritism thing, it's not fine.

Only you know if your mum is a good or bad egg.

Na, I don't agree.

I'd imagine it's too much of a handful for her and so long as she still spends time with the twins another time then it's all good.

one 5-yr old = relatively easy for her to handle

one 5-yr old plus two 3-yr olds = no one getting quality time from grandma

3 year old twins are a hell of a lot of work - I know as I have a pair!! I would never ask my mother in law to have them overnight (can’t ask my parents as they’re no longer with us but they would have been 91 & 80 so I still wouldn’t have asked if they were alive) because they’re hard work. Maybe when they’re older, more able to follow instructions, be helpful and less likely to have a tantrum at being asked to do something that will change - but, by then, MiL will be older and less able to manage young children!!

Completely unreasonable.

I wouldn't force all of them to stay, no.

May be nice for the older DC to have dedicated one to one granny time.

Also 3 yr old DT could be too much for her.

Maybe she will have them separately or together when they are older.

My DDs loved having separate times staying over at gran's.

Think you're being deliberately difficult.

My DD has been sleeping over at my mums for the last 5yrs, but my DS has never slept over as my mum said she couldn't manage him overnight. I think that's fair enough, he doesn't feel left out (he is 6yo now) she treats him exactly the same as DD just without the sleep over.

YABU. 3 children 5 and under is a big ask. Let your oldest enjoy some time away from his siblings. When they’re older, your mum will probably have them to stay.

I have twins and 2 older children. Yabu.

Having all 3 together is a huge amount of work. Having the twins together is hard work.

If she's refusing to have the twins as individuals but still happy to have the eldest, then yanbu. But if you're expecting her to have 2-3 young children at the same time, realise that while you manage, you are their parent and signed up for this. Even if the twins were a surprise.

My DSs, I have 5 and 1 DSS, used to stay with my lovely Mum individually. They loved going it was such a treat to be the centre of attention for a couple of days .I don't think she could've managed all 6 in her flat !

YABU. 3 year olds are hard work let alone twins.

To add, my parents were clear they were not going to help out with 'childcare' for us when we found out we were having twins after our first two. But my parents in law offered to have one twin overnight in turn, once a week, as they had done with our older two before they started school.

Yes, have to agree OP - YABU.

We have no assistance from GPs but she's offering what she can handle. It'd be a nice adventure for your DS and also helping you out a tiny bit with one of the 3.

It's coming from a nice place and if you get on your unreasonable high horse and tell her all or nothing, then you'll be in the wrong - and it's an ungrateful reaction to her nice offer.

I'm old enough to be a grandmother now, and certainly couldn't cope with 5yo plus 2 x 3yos. Let your eldest go to grandma's on his own.