All children stay or none at all

[wowmummy]

My mum seems to have this joke that she will have my DS (5) to stay over at her house but not my twin DDs (3)

It is said in a joke way but it's meant if you know what I mean?

Aibu to say they all go and stay over or none at all? I don't want the girls to feel they are being left behind and unwanted 😔

I would not want to look after a 5 year old and 2 x 3 year olds.

Let DS go and then let the girls each go separately too.

It’s just as important for the twins to be treated as individuals too.

I don't think parents always realise that the grandparents get tired more easily. I do have my daughter's 2 together,she wouldn't ask if she didn't need the help, but it's more of a pleasure for me if I have them separately! They both love a bit of individual attention away from the other one.There is 5 years between them so their interests and needs are quite different.

Our parents say one at a time. Kids are hard work, they've already done it all with their own kids. They want the fun bits now.

Seems perfectly reasonable to me, and how lovely of her to help relieve the burden a little bit.

YABVU

I feel completely the opposite to you. I would actively encourage solo visits.
Your children are individuals, not a package, and the 3 yo twins don't come as a single unit either.

My opinion is probably influenced by being one of 5 kids where one to one time with my parents was rare and treasured. Also once the grandchildren started coming along I would absolutely love the time my son got to spend with his Nanny, when it was just him.

I would actively encourage solo visits.
Your children are individuals, not a package, and the 3 yo twins don't come as a single unit either.

I agree strongly.
The all or none attitude is lacking in empathy for the grandmother and the children.

I think that one child at a time (twins can be split up in due course, it's good for them), once they reach a certain age, is fine and can be a treat for your children who spend all the rest of their time together. So long as she doesn't continue to favour one over the other two in the long run.

At a certain age as she got older, one of my children's grandparents would have one grandchild at a time for a night or two at most, and a few siblings or cousins over to play at a time, not the whole lot. Perfectly reasonable. Better to do what you can manage, well.

YABU I've got 3. They've always just went one at a time to GPS apart from a few exceptions.

It's so nice for them to have one to one time.

Plus older adults are a bit past running after 3 under 6's!

YANBU... you get to say no favoritsm and protect your girls.

My mam clearly has favoritism for my oldest too, its only my oldest she ever goes on about, she talks as if my younger kids are strangers too her but she has the same opitunity to get to know all of them.

She does get to say she cant handle babysitting all 3 and thats fine but she cant just say well I'll always take the easy one and just build a relationship with him.

PP seem to miss that, its not that she sees all the kids and alternates so they all get quality time she is saying she only wants one of them.

You said your mum doesn't give a shit about the girls. Would she care for them if they slept over? I wouldn't put them in that situation.

Ah sounds great.

Sounds like your poor daughter was the one needing a break.

I’m not with you on this I’m afraid.

A single 5 yo is a totally different thing to two 3 yos - plus the 5 yo. Also I think your ds will probably benefit from some 1-2-1 time with granny if he’s got two little sisters at home. Children aren’t a job lot and it’s important they aren’t treated as one.

3 yos aren’t old enough to question it.

Even if she had him to stay at that age, there was only one of him, and she was two years younger - a lot can change!

When they are a bit older, maybe suggest she has each child one to one occasionally? The twins could probably do with a break from one another from time to time as they get older.

Sorry I didn’t read all updates but it sounds like you’ve come to a similar conclusion- she may not want the 3 yos on rotation yet but as they get older.

Ok just to clear a few things

I never mentioned I needed a break! Where has that come from? And she's 56, lives with my dad 59 and sister 25

I never said I needed the night off or a break 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Also my son doesn't parent his sisters, he is their sibling and acts accordingly!!! They miss him of course as they don't have an extra person to play hide and seek with or dobby

All 3 of them are fantastic sleepers and eaters. 13 hours for my son from 13 weeks and 12 hours from the twins from 15 weeks

Saying all this, she looks after them on a need basis, she only ever 'wants' DS. I will say that about taking turns though

You wouldn’t be blamed if you did want a break - just not via granny unless she offers - but I think people are jumping to a conclusion here. Your updates make it clear that your thinking about your dds and their feelings - more of an issue as they get a bit bigger though, I’d imagine.

It sounds very natural to have your 5 year to stay with his grandmother without the toddlers. It gives him time with her alone which would be extremely beneficial for him and his grandmother.

All children should have turns having special ‘only’ times with someone they love.
The twins could have the same when they are older.

Yabvu

@Allsnotwell I purposely took my niece when she was young for weeks at a time to get her out of a home situation like the one you describe.
She's married with her own DC now and describes the time with us as her favourite childhood memories. We didn't even do anything wildly exciting. I hope you no longer treat her that way. Do you have any idea how awful it must be for her?

I don’t think you can expect her to take all three at once. That’s too much to ask. She can take the 5yo for now and then perhaps once the girls are 5 she can take them one at a time too so they all get a chance to go.

I agree everyone should be included but that doesn’t have to be right now.

A) I didn't have a 'grand plan' for three children, twins can't be planned. Basically biology

B) I didn't ask you to look after them

C) they don't need 'settling' by anyone either 😂😂😂😂😂

YABVVVU. Three kids under five? No way. Individually yes, together not on your life.

I think YABU. I am 44 and wouldn't want a 5yr and twin 3 yr olds to stay! I think fairest thing is to have the 5yr old and then each of the twins individually too. They will all benefit from 1:1 time. Or maybe wait til twins are older for them to go as a couple.