All children stay or none at all

[wowmummy]

My mum seems to have this joke that she will have my DS (5) to stay over at her house but not my twin DDs (3)

It is said in a joke way but it's meant if you know what I mean?

Aibu to say they all go and stay over or none at all? I don't want the girls to feel they are being left behind and unwanted 😔

With the age gap you have it’s nice for the 5yo to go and get lots of attention away from the 3yos. My older one often goes to grandparents for a break from her sister.

you’ve also got to accept that 3 will be hard work for others to care for together until the twins are older.

YABU! And the 3 year olds will only feel left out if you tell them they’re being left out - they’re 3. There’s an enormous difference between looking after one 5 year old overnight and 3 under 5s overnight. Your children are individuals, not some kind of indistinguishable blob.

I don't personally find my children more difficult than any other children I've looked after

But she doesn’t have any small children now. Suddenly looking after three when you’re not used to it and much older than when you had your own, is hard. My parents brought up a large family absolutely fine but said they were on their knees after a day with my lot! Mine are all good kids, no trouble-it’s not about that.

I think it's also fine if she doesn't want to take a 3 year old twin by themselves yet. But there needs to be an expectation that when they are a bit older, they will join in taking turns. Whether that happens at 3 or 5 or 6 doesn't much matter.

Yep deffo going to say 1:1 now I feel happier and more confident saying that and I think that's reasonable

I have 5 grandchildren 3 in one family 2 in the other. Occasionally I have all 5 aged between 3 and 11 now but I've been doing it since the youngest was a few months old and it s hard work ! No one gets much individual attention or sleep but it's a fun adventure for all . Somtimes I just have one family or the other sometimes just the girls or the boys and the rest of the time I have them one at a time. Now they are all a bit older they know exactly whose turn it is! I have at least one most weekends the parents then enjoy time with the others which works well as they can do stuff they enjoy which the other siblings might not. It works really well for us and hopefully it will continue for years to come

I have a very similar issue in that grandparents offer to look after my 6 year old but no one wants to look after the 3 year old twins ☹️

But it’s really good for my older one to get one on one time though as her life has been very impacted by having twin siblings

Another joy of having twins. Less help and so much guilt

My grandmother almost always had me and my sister separately. And we have done the same. If their parents had said they must come together we wouldn't have coped.

We split them, have the twins sometimes the single child other times.. it's hard work and an early start in the morning. All the children benefit because they're at different stages of development

This. I think it’s a lot to expect anyone to manage 3 kids for you and I’d never expect it unless offered. My kids often go to granny’s separately but we try to make it an equal amount so no one left out. I think the secret is to try to have more than one person/part of your family who will take kids so twins could go to someone else while you get a break!

It makes a refreshing change that you agree with a reasonable solution. One on one for each twin and their older sibling still keeps the bond with grandma and she might have two when they're a bit older.

I had a simliar issue

I found my DD was quite helpful with the younger twins so she was missed at home and made it harder when she wasn’t there, so not only no break but harder family time!

YABU
It's not favouritism its hard work with 3. Let alone 3yo twins!! It will be nice for ds to have one one one time and when the girls are 5 they can go too.

It's not about a break. Its about gran and grandson having a nice time.

I’m afraid I agree with her I fully intend to have my grandchildren, one at a time to give them one to one attention for a start. And secondly, I think that’s all I can cope with.

I can’t believe you’ve actually typed that. I’m not saying what’s wrong with that particular scenario.

How awful. I notice you are using past tense. I hope you DD isn't still "helping with the twins" - if she is, please please stop using her like that

YABU. Let DS have some one on one time with Granny.

It's fine if it balances out. If it is favouritism, it's not fine.

I didn't let my mother have any of mine. She wanted to have them visit in small groups, but every small group avoided one of my children. So none of them went. I wasn't having one child be excluded. All, or none, but not necessarily all at once.

parentification

I have 1 3-year-old and it’s already wearing me out, let alone twins, and I’m fairly young.

I think you’re being unreasonable here.

It's also massively harder looking after any young kids when you are not on their home turf.

I used to babysit regularly for twins and it was basically fine, because everything at their home was set up for their needs. I recently looked after another friend's twins for 2 hours at my own home and it nearly killed me.

Yabu. There is no way I would take 3 at that age. You are ridiculous. Your poor mum is offering you a good option, don't be spiteful to your ds aged 5.

My MIL offered to have one of my kids at a time (they were both primary age so older than yours). She was an an hour away so not easy to drop off. We said no because to us the benefit of the children both being with their Granny was that we could have some couple time. That obviously not possible if she had one child and we still had one. She definitely wasn't favouring one as she would take either but not both.

That said I would be able to cope with a 5 year but probably not 3 year old twins so is she thinking she will have the girls when they are a bit bigger?

YABVVVVVVVU