All children stay or none at all

[wowmummy]

My mum seems to have this joke that she will have my DS (5) to stay over at her house but not my twin DDs (3)

It is said in a joke way but it's meant if you know what I mean?

Aibu to say they all go and stay over or none at all? I don't want the girls to feel they are being left behind and unwanted 😔

Don't think you can insist on a rotation at this point either to be honest. A 3 year old is physically more work than a 5 year old so you may need to wait a bit longer until your 3 year olds are more independent if she's finding it difficult.

My mum seems to have this joke that she will have my DS (5) to stay over at her house but not my twin DDs (3)

She's not joking. And she's not BU either.

Glad you'll work something out.

Or maybe the gran thinks she's doing the OP a favour by looking after the eldest and giving her more time with the 3yo twins ?
I don't see it as favouritim

Why do you need her to have your children overnight?

YABVU

I do think yabu, I have 4 children and my mum would never have them all and never has and they are older (my youngest is 5 ) she will only have my oldest but she is autistic so I see it as some respite and my daughter also gets some 1:1 time. She actually said no one looks after 4 kids

YABU. My nan and mum are happy to do overnights but not really with all 3 of my kids. It’s generally my middle (2) and eldest (7). Adding my 10 month old to the mix just turns it into carnage. We’ve had one night where all 3 kids stayed out since having 3 kids and my youngest went to my nans and my other two went to my mums. It’s too much for either of them to do an overnight with all 3 and I wouldn’t expect it either.

That sounds like your expecting way to much if your mother to be honest to have all 3 of them.

Yabu

just because you decided 3 kids was a grand plan doesn’t mean anybody has to be willing to look after them for you.

Im great with kids, even kids that are a handful for others will settle with me.

I wouldn’t offer to look after 3yo twins either!

Controlling your dcs access to the rest of their family to get your own way is not in your dcs best interests

Both my mum and mil only have 1 of my 3 children at a time. Having more is too much for them. They wouldn't have a them to stay before 4 either.
While I would love it if they could have all 3 together, it is too much for them and is actually more beneficial for the children to go one at a time.

YABVU !!!!!!! 3 year old twins overnight is a huge ask , and I am a mother of twins..

I think you need to bear in mind who would be doing the favour for whom.

YABVU, none of my kids’ 4 grandparents have ever had all my kids to stay at once. DH’s parents have never had any of our 3 to stay at all. My parents have had each of my kids individually for a couple of nights at a time. Obviously not a rest for me as I still have kids at home, but nice time for the kid who gets a little holiday and nice for my parents. And I can focus more on the ones at home with me.

Of course you are being unreasonable. Three young children together is hard work. Let your DS enjoy some time alone with his grandmother, I expect he's in need of some 1-2-1 time if he has young twin siblings! Your girls will only feel unwanted if that's how you portray the situation to them.

My point being, none of my kids’ grandparents would be able to cope with 3 grandkids 5 and under, including 3yo twins, for a day let alone a stay.

i wished I had a mum or indeed any relative whatsoever who, when my children were 3, 5 and even 8 or 9 or whatever age would offer to have them over for a sleepover once in a while. You are very lucky with what you have been offered OP.

I'm not sure I'd have someone's children over at all if it involved a 5 yo and two 3 yo! Even if they were my grandchildren.

But it's lovely for them to have one on one time - with her and with you. I take my children away on holiday separately sometimes and leave the other at home. It's lovely and actually some of the best and most memorable times we've had together.

I can’t blame your mother. Now and then I have my two elder Gdcs (now 6 and 7) to stay, but they are ‘easy’ now - TBH I can’t cope with the still under 3 as well. But I am fairly ancient and age does make a difference to energy levels. I certainly couldn’t cope with 3 year old twins.

I agree that it’d be nice for your 5 year old to have some undivided granny time. I don’t suppose he’d get much if the twins were there, too.

YABU.
Three year old are very hard work.
Let your Mum just have the eldest until the twins are older. A little favouritism isn't it a terrible thing at this age.

I think it's nice for children to have some one on one time with family members who love them. I used to stay with my maternal grandparents during the school holidays and it has left me with some lovely memories of them.

Personally speaking I couldn't cope with q 5 year old and 3 year old twins.

On that basis I think you are being unreasonable.

🙄

YABVU

How old is your mum and does she live by herself? Being a grandma in your 50s with a partner to help is a whole different ball game to a grandma in her 70s coping alone.

I don’t think younger parents can easily realise how exhausting young children can be when you’re getting on a bit - I don’t suppose I ever did, either.

I once (willingly) did almost a week of emergency care of a still under 2, while the baby, still only a few months old, was in the ICU with bronchiolitis.

I went home feeling like a wet rag, immediately came down with a stinking cold, followed within days by shingles.
I still put that down to compromised immunity, caused by sheer exhaustion.

Looking after two 3 year olds is different from looking after one 5 year old. Maybe your mum knows that having all three children would be too much for her. She won't have the energy or stamina of a younger person.