All children stay or none at all

[wowmummy]

My mum seems to have this joke that she will have my DS (5) to stay over at her house but not my twin DDs (3)

It is said in a joke way but it's meant if you know what I mean?

Aibu to say they all go and stay over or none at all? I don't want the girls to feel they are being left behind and unwanted 😔

YABU. A 5 year old and two 3 year olds is a lot of work. Good for her for being honest about it being too much. Accept what she can cope with and be grateful for that. 3 year olds can be very difficult and exhausting!

Your parents are still young grandparents - I am 50 and there's no way I'd want three together. I think having one at a time is a good idea.

And your ds might be the favourite or it might just be that the girls are still too little.

My parents have my youngest one day a week whilst I’m at work and the eldest goes to nursery. They find my eldest challenging, mostly, IMO because he won’t be bossed around and you have to speak to him with a bit of respect and explain things, anyway they find him quite tiring so they just have the one.

It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. They do have both but it definitely changes the dynamic. Tbh I find the eldest easier if it’s him alone but I think because of covid they’ve had more to do with the youngest.

I used to love going to stay at my grandparents without my brother and continued to do it well into my teens (and beyond!) for a bit of time out. Had a brilliant relationship with them as a result of the one to one time.

My parents often have my 5yo but not the 2yo. They can only cope with them both together for one night. There's no way they could manage twins. I don't think they mean to be offensive, they are probably trying to set their limits in a lighthearted way.

We have four kids, 2 girls, 2 boys, my FIL takes the girls out then the boys, never all together. 3 year old twins are quite a handful I expect so as long as they all get to stay over, it doesn't matter surely?

We used to rotate as well. 3 DC all around two years apart but once youngest wanted to stay at around 4 grandma would offer to have them one at a time for the night and the others would join for the day.

I can’t see the problem here.

Three children / two three year old twins is a lot of work for most people whereas one five year old is very manageable.
I’d recommend your mum just doing one day with one

I have a twin brother and an older sister, the same age gap as your DC.

When we were little and my mum and dad went out, they had to get both Grans (both widowed) to come and babysit. It was too much for 1 person. Apparently we were quite full on 'lively' DC.

I love everyone moaning about having 3 kids under 5.
My mum managed to look after a 3 year old a 2 year old and a new born. Yes it was hard work, but she did it to give my sister a night off. She was at my sisters house. So she had their beds and kids stuff.
I would say, could you come to mine, for a few hours, so I can go out. You put them to bed, she just has to keep them asleep. That way, she just starts off small then build up from there.
You get a break and they get to spend time with granny.

@wowmummy I struggle having my 3 grandchildren all together. I either have 1 or 2 at a time. It is exhausting to have all three together.
Sure you could cut your nose off to spite your face. Would that help you or the children in the long-term?

Yabu my mum will only have one one dc at a time and says it’s too much for her otherwise and she wants to spend one to one quality spoiling time with each one
also at three twins sounds like hard work and maybe she thinks it’s too much for her to take on! My mum won’t have our dc before 5!
I think it’s fair enough personally

I think she either helps you out with the kids or she don't... doesn't exactly help you out only dropping off one kid, then you still got 2 more to drop somewhere else off. Just longer for you. The only time she gets to see ds would be the same time she sees the twins, but with adult company. Not just 1 kid, makes no sense to me personally.

I'm a granny and three year old twins might be a step too far for many grandparents. I have four children and my mother very rarely had more than one of my children at a time, she didn't think she could cope with them.

Honestly I don't blame her! May be you could suggest that she looks after them for a few hours whilst you are there, to get her hand in and see how she gets on?

I have got 3 year old twin granddaughters and 8 year old grandson,I have them all or sometimes they alternate and I can give them more attention.

What does DS mean?

YABU 3 year old twins sound like hard work.

She’s trying to gently tell you she couldn’t cope, be grateful she wants to help at all.

2 x 3yr olds and a 5yr old would be a lot to look after. Maybe have a chat with her and ask if and when they can stay over. Maybe she wants to wait till they are a bit older

Even the turn taking isn’t something that needs to be insisted. Some grandkids have different bonds with their grandparents. My son and father a like two peas in a pod. Regularly do things together. Not so much with my daughter but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her the same. Spends plenty of time with her at home and maybe they will bond over other things when she’s older. I wouldn’t be saying to my son “no you can’t go with grandad today because your sister turn”. I use that time to take my daughter out and spend one on one time with her.

I don’t blame her. Why should she take on 3 kids?
huge difference between a 5 year old and twins of 3.. grow up.

3x in one go is a lot for any grandparent and they dont get quality bonding time.

We have a similar situation at home, grandparents have much closer bond to the eldest of each of my siblings kids, it didnt happen on purpose it just happened naturally. My oldest stays with my mum lots but my youngest 2x never have. If you dont mind splitting the twins up for 1:1 grandma time she will prob find it easier to cope with x

Hilarious the posts suggesting you need a night off. Understand your twins may start getting to the age where they may get jealous of not having special grandparent sleepovers too

Many grandparents are still working themselves - and will need to do so for longer and for more hours in the future

I love having my one grandchild over for the odd night or weekend but even this when you're in your mid sixties and working full time can be exhausting.

hv you ever thought it might be too much for her and your son is easier. I’m 57 and the thought of 3 of them would literally break me out in a sweat.

YABU. A single 5 yr old is pretty self sufficient compared to TWIN 3 yr olds to an extent and having one child to entertain is much easier than 3, 2 of which are very reliant toddlers probably still in nappies or are training?

I think the problem here is that your expectations might be a bit too much OP. I think Gran is saying it light heartedly and telling you what she is willing to try and cope with (not saying age is a barrier but it could be?) and your response is all stay or none stay 🙄 I think that is quite sad for DS and gran actually.

I think you're not a very reasonable daughter to expect more than what is on offer and possible factors around why Gran is only willing to take on one child this time. I used Gran's age as an example earlier but it could be any reason, it is really not a negative at all.

The lovely gesture to have one of your DC stay away for some one on one that he will no doubt cherish when dear gran is no longer here and you're considering not letting DS stay because the twins (who will in no way be affected by not staying) really because of your own feelings about it? Give it a go, you might become custom to DS staying away..!

Why not let DS stay and you do something girly and fun with your girls while he is away? Do stuff you might not always get to do with them as DS is always there and has different interests to his sisters
Here Is an Idea for you:

Make A unicorn or Princess Den downstairs and pamper yourself and the twins!! Fill 2 sink bowls with warm glittery soapy water for them to put their tiny feet in, give them mini mani/pedi's, cucumbers on their eyes, baby lotion or whatever you use for them for their 'facials' (hand towels tied with a band should work as a hair wrap for them) and ENJOY joining in and putting a face mask on yourself and letting them do you a foot massage ❤️one foot each❤️ have a ladies night with your little ladies. Put on a sing along movie and have ice cream with sauce and or popcorn!
Enjoy it - It can be fun, requires a little imagination.

See it as an opportunity to do other things and a chance for your boy to be the center of attention once in a while - it isnt easy being the eldest sibling, I mean .. what is he doing while you are busy with them? What COULD he be doing while you are busy with them? Its a win for all of you if you really think about it.

I think you should agree to DS staying with Gran and be grateful for the chance to be able to just focus on the twins and yourself (I am only just managing to find time for myself as a mum of 3 so I know it can't be easy with twins or girls!!)

Good luck OP