To think I wasn’t rude to colleague?

[hellohelloisityou]

Our office day is today and this was the first time she’d been in since solo travelling around India.

I asked how it went, did she enjoy it. Then I said did you get lonely?

She pretty much snapped back that you wouldn’t ask a couple if they’d argued whilst on holiday so why am I jumping to the negative

I apologised but felt very awkward tension afterwards

Very rude.

Did you enjoy being in your own is much more kinder question.

Why did you want to know if she was lonely if you have no intention of solo travel? If they say yes, then what? Also maybe she had no choice in going alone.

Would you ask someone who lives alone this?

I can't imagine you have been experienced true loneliness.

It's utterly debilitating -I don't mean being alone for a while when you could do with a chat and you other half in away for a week, but the awful empty ache that gnaws away.

She's probably sick of answering the same boring questions about solo travelling. It does get very tiring. Same as when you're childless and people seemingly can't help but ask why, when, how?

Not necessarily. She might have had a mood on, because she had been criticized by others for doing this or other things solo.

How many people are genuinely interested in the details of their work colleagues' holidays, being honest? Perhaps if you are intending to go, or have recently been, to the same destination yourself, you might have genuine curiosity; but mostly people are only asking out of politeness.

There is nothing wrong with that at all, but if someone finds their well-intentioned small-talk unleashes an angry response, they are less likely to bother asking again, because the only reason you ask in the first place is to be friendly to the other person; you don't get anything out of it yourself.

Next time anyone does anything don't ask any questions - everything's offensive/ rude/ tactless now. Just say nothing and look away. Jesus, what a time to be alive.

If you're not interested in travelling solo yourself and didn't want any particular answer, then why, out of all the thousands of questions you could have asked her, did you pick that one?
It's a bit weird of you, really.

I didn't get lonely on my solo trips trips. But I was equally pissed off when people focused on the negatives (as they perceived them) rather than along the same questions they'd ask anyone else who's been on holiday.

I could very easily have spoken as abruptly as the colleague, but instead I but my lip very hard.

@hellohelloisityou Not necessarily a bad question ... but delivery was off.

"How was it traveling alone? I'd love to try but I'm scared I'll feel lonely" would have been more appropriate.

It's also possible to be lonely in a couple. But funnily enough people don't ask that question of anyone who travels with someone else.

The OP isn’t interested in travelling alone. They’re one of those people.

My son will travel alone when my mum or I can’t go with him (or his friend). I do think he would be a bit annoyed if the first question was that. Plenty of others you’d ask first surely? She’s clearly sensitive about it

See that’s a far more appropriate way of asking the question, if the question needs asking. The way you framed it I’d either assume you were rude or massively lacking in social skills.

I think it's a reasonable question to ask. But I find constant positivity really superficial. I mean, if you only want a superficial work relationship then, yes the "Wow, that sounds amazing" is the standard meaningless response. But if you were having a genuine conversation and showing interest, it's a reasonable question to ask. Not rude.

It must be really hard for you, being so dependent on other people when you're traveling

Yes and you are referencing to her that she is on her own and that her experience wasn't going to be very good because of it. It is a very insensitive and thoughtless question.

If it was just a neutral question about how she found travelling alone, you could have simply said "How did you find travelling alone?"

"Did you get lonely?" isn't neutral is it? You're implying that you expect her to have been lonely. Which is a bit off

I get why you think she'd be lonely - I'd feel lonely travelling alone too. But I also wouldn't have asked because like she said it's immediately jumping to the negative.

It obviously wasn't your intention to be rude, you just accidentally said something that didn't come across very well. Don't beat yourself up over it.

I don't think you were rude and can't see a problem with what you said.

She clearly did get lonely hence being so defensive! I can’t think of anything worse as I’d be ridiculously lonely! I wouldn’t over think it

Perhaps you did not mean it in a mean way but I cringed when I read your post and I have a husband and a big family.