To think I wasn’t rude to colleague?

[hellohelloisityou]

Our office day is today and this was the first time she’d been in since solo travelling around India.

I asked how it went, did she enjoy it. Then I said did you get lonely?

She pretty much snapped back that you wouldn’t ask a couple if they’d argued whilst on holiday so why am I jumping to the negative

I apologised but felt very awkward tension afterwards

One of the people who can’t/won’t accept that other people might experience things differently to them and make different choices. The OP can’t imagine wanting to travel solo so they can’t understand why this person did.

For me, going on a cruise holiday would be a nightmare. If someone came back from a cruise holiday I wouldn’t say, “Didn’t you get sick of being on a boat with all those people?” I’d assume that they chose that holiday for a reason.

Can’t imagine my pretty much first question would be looking for something negative. Looking for her to tell me it wasn’t good after all

envy. It’s a right fucker.

I can't see a problem with what you said either.

I travelled alone for almost a year and loads of people asked me if I got lonely.. it's just making conversation!

Sounds like you touched a nerve.

Or maybe she didn’t get lonely once while away but is utterly sick of people reducing her experience to ‘oh but weren’t you lonely?’ instead of the multitude of other more interesting things that could be asked about a trip to India.

I think the answer was yes, she was lonely haha.

Why is that funny? Laughing that someone is lonely?

Are you a bit of a fun sponge generally? It’s a bit of a sad trombone noise, Debbie Downer question to ask – reminds me of my FIL who’s never encountered a conversational topic he can’t instantly find the negative in.

Depends on the friendship level between you and Colleague. I went o/s by myself when I turned 50, and I missed (at times) not having the someone there to nudge to point out things that caught my eye, and I didn't mind admitting that to a couple of people who asked when I returned.

However if you were someone to me that I don't know very well at all, then I would think it a tad personal to be asking... but sometimes we get caught up over analysising things people say to us too.!

Yeah you’re either very socially awkward or just an insensitive rude person OP.

God yes this!!

I travelled a lot in my younger years (pre Internet and mobiles too!) and had all the same stuff from people who wouldn't venture further than a package holiday to Benidorm as they were too scared by anything too "forrin". It just made me think they were very small minded.

She clearly did get lonely hence being so defensive! I can’t think of anything worse as I’d be ridiculously lonely! I wouldn’t over think it

Why are so many people coming out with this bollocks? Can people only conceive of frustration coming from defensiveness?

I know only to well that she's likely to have had people making comments like this ever since she started planning this trip. And when she gets to work after a wonderful trip and gets negativity again.

And just because you'd hate it and be lonely doesn't mean that she did. We're all different. I love solo travel and loneliness is not an issue. I meet loads of people on my travels. People are much friendlier and happier to approach single travelers as they don't think they're interrupting.

Snort.

I'm from a very rough part of a rough Scottish city so I know what you mean

Sorry that was meant to quote MrsTerryPrachett

I'm from South London, nowhere is scary.

You really must have a very limited imagination if that’s what you think

I think slightly tactless of you yes. But not really terrible. I probably wouldn’t have snapped at you.

How embarrassing for you. You and the op can team up and talk about how you’re not capable of doing things alone and how funny that neediness is.

OP is a Smug Married

It’s an odd thing to ask-most people would ask if you made friends when travelling.
It does smack of the classic rude and and intrusive things said and asked to single people that would never be asked/said to a person with a partner.

Yeah I do think you being rude op. IT comes across as a judgment of her trip.

I really love my own company, which some people struggle to grasp and often get similar judgemental "but could you not get someone to go to x with you" or "why would you go on your own?"

Then why the fuck are you asking her how it went doing it on her own?

It was rude of you. Just because you would be concerned about being lonely doesn’t mean others feel the same. You phrased it negatively “didn’t you get lonely?”.

I travel on my own loads and I get fed up of similar questions from people who can’t imagine travelling independently! Couples and families don’t ask if they got sick of each other so she’s 100% right!

I might borrow her response, although I’ll won’t snap if I do! I’ll gently educate! 🙂

I don't see anything wrong with the question. I have often discussed going solo travelling with people and people have said stuff like ''wouldn't it be lonely''.

I am single and would not be offended if somebody asked me this after a trip.

Oh cmon, cause she was jealous, the woman was getting all the attention, did something the op would never, so she tried to find the negative and weaponise it.

it’s that passive aggressive remark some folks specialise in then act all innocent over,,,who me, no, I’m not cunty at all . I was just curious, twinkly laugh, head tilt.

No I don't think that was very nice ( of you.) That's something I would ask in a much longer conversation with a friend that I knew well. Not a work colleague who seems to have just walked through the door

Don’t you understand the difference, can you really not see it?