To think I wasn’t rude to colleague?

[hellohelloisityou]

Our office day is today and this was the first time she’d been in since solo travelling around India.

I asked how it went, did she enjoy it. Then I said did you get lonely?

She pretty much snapped back that you wouldn’t ask a couple if they’d argued whilst on holiday so why am I jumping to the negative

I apologised but felt very awkward tension afterwards

I'm from South London, nowhere is scary

Grew up there in the 60s. Never turn around to look when I hear sirens, as kids they were just white noise. 😆

I’ve travelled solo too, and haven't felt offended by similar questions. I imagine the reason these types of questions are so ubiquitous is because they’re just the first things that spring to mind when we say to people “Oh I’ve been trekking solo across xyz”. People just trying to engage in conversation with you without realising you’ve been asked the same thing so many times it’s become annoying.

It's a crappy response. Honestly, what a feeble thing to say - when you're travelling, you meet lots of people, so being on your own is less of a deal than being at home in your day-to-day life can be.

There are loads of positives to travelling solo - complete freedom to do exactly what you want and not compromise with someone else, for a start - which you could've commented on if you felt you needed to say something.

Clumsy of you. Still a stigma around doing lots of things solo that stop pple from doing things like travel, new experiences etc bcos they don’t have a like minded friend, partner or SO to do things with.

That can feel very conspicuous & like you’re a social failure.

Sounds like you hit that nerve - albeit by the sounds of it unintentionally.

Doing things solo is bound to involve periods of “loneliness” - to a degree.
But takes guts to do & to show others it’s ok to do at any age & can be amazing & not isolating at all.

It may not have been that easy for your colleague to have done (taken some courage) & your comment feels like social judgement. And not the place - in front of other colleagues - to open up about vulnerable feelings like loneliness if you’re not particularly close.

So why ask her then? Just to rub it in that she went on her own?

You got the response you deserved. She sounds ace.

You're the one missing out then I suppose OP.

I've never been able to understand people who can't/won't do things alone.

Don't you feel like you're missing out on life by not going somewhere alone?

She sounds ace

Doesn't she? round India, by herself? that takes determination and a lot of planning.

Rude for not appeasing OP’s pointed, casual curiosity?

Nope, she’s ace for teaching OP that curiosity killed the cat.

Agreed!

I don’t think ywbu at all

That is the response I should have made. My widowhood has nothing to do with it. I got the same questions when I traveled solo leaving my DH at home ( that led to even more questions and unpleasant assumptions).

I only mentioned it in the context of what is ACTUALLY lonely.

I don’t think it’s rude or odd to ask. People always comment oh I’d of killed my partner after 2+ weeks together etc. no different to asking if they found solo travel lonely given you’d already asked if they enjoyed it. Not many people solo travel that I know so I to would ask the question

The OP needs to tell us what came between I asked how it went, did she enjoy it and Then I said did you get lonely?

Nothing in life is guaranteed

Reading these responses is interesting as I'd have asked that question too without batting an eyelid.

And personally when people ask those kind of questions to me I just give my opinion, doesn't bother me at all.

Like if someone said to me, "did you find travelling with your partner for such a long time tough?", I'd be more than happy to admit that yes, being with the same person whilst travelling can get intense.

I can see how it could touch a nerve, but you didn't do anything wrong.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain has nailed it. Fair play to your colleague for pulling you up on your question instead of indulging you.

Well she obviously did hence her reaction.

It’s not a question I would ask but that’s because it wouldn’t occur to me. I do understand that people don’t like travelling alone so if I went on a solo trip and someone asked me that I don’t think I would react in that way.

I don't think it's the kind of question you ask without showing a proper interest.

You asked two really generic, polite questions that everyone asks then went straight in with what could be seen as a judgmental question.

So much reaching on here, so I’ll give it a go. I bet she uses this site.

Maybe there is actually a reason why she travelled alone

How lovely of you. Woman travels alone to a country that's one of the oldest civilisations in the world, one that would take a lifetime to see properly, but because she gets a bit testy about a banal query she must be unbearable and that's why she has to travel alone. Women really don't need enemies when there's other women, do they?

She had the trip of a lifetime. Lucky her

YWBU
Tactless question phrased in a negative judgemental way

Not surprised she picked you up on

Be prepared for her to be irritated with you for a while. I would be.

All you can say is that you didn't mean it in the way it came across, and you'll be more thoughtful next time. Be positive. She went away travelling in her own she wanted to . If she had been lonely that's gif her to tell you, not for you to pry whilst making negative assumptions

Ps I would be lonely travelling in my own but that's my issue not something I would assume others feel who chose to!

All of this.

You could have said something positive, about how adventurous she was. Instead you leapt right in with an assumption that her experience was somehow marred by being solo.