To go and pick SS up from school when his mum has said no?

[tmpbk]

More of a wwyd

Teen SS is due here tonight, he's been messaging me and has told me his mum told him to cook his own dinner last night so he did but started to feel unwell, he had the runs 2 or 3 times and told his mum but she sent him to school as it's probably food poisoning not a contagious bug (food poisoning is still just as bad though!) he asked me to pick him up as he feels unwell, he said he's told the school he feels sick but they told him to see how he feels later but because he hasn't been sick they won't send him home, he said he's been to the toilet a few more times but his last teacher had gotten annoyed at him keep asking to go which I can see from her point of view she probably thinks he's trying to skip the lesson. He has her again after lunch and she's told him she won't allow him to go during that lesson.

He won't tell them he has an upset stomach as it's embarrassing (it obviously isn't but he's a teen), I've told him to lie and tell them he's been sick but he said they won't believe him if they haven't seen it but he's begging me to pick him up as he just wants to go to bed. I've asked his mum what she suggests and she hasn't been helpful as she's said he can stay in school if he isn't going to tell them what's wrong with him and she's suggested he's probably lying as she knows he doesn't like Wednesdays at school.

I've not seen him today but I over the messages I do think he is telling the truth as he never messages me whilst at school (and he isn't supposed to be). I haven't spoken to DH as he hasn't answered his phone.

I'm thinking of going and telling them he has a doctors appointment but I know his mum won't be happy but if he is telling the truth I'll feel a bit mean later if I make him stay.

And let me guess you have a child who has a stepmother

** I forgot to say no eating til he feels well enough todo t force it. He will feel hungry when he feels well enough

Mine got by on ice pops (weak homemade frozen diluted squash) and water until felt well enough to eat

PPs please !!!... Let's not turn this into a step mother thing!!

I'm the first mum not a step mother but I wouldn't mind at all if my DCs had a SM that cared as much as OP does! That would pick my DCs up ... I'd be soooo happy and glad to share the responsibility with dad and SM!!! It isn't always a SM thing... ! Sometimes school has a PR thing to be mindful of, but we are way past that now.

This.. Jesus you can't do right for doing wrong on here.

Honestly, as a stepmum, if it was our day with DSCs I'd not give a shit what their mum thought frankly. It would be my husband's decision whether he needed to come home as the parent responsible on that day and in his absence, mine because I'm someone he trusts to make decisions for his kids when he's not around.

The only opinion I'd be interested in would be my husband's and I'd know him well enough to know in this situation what he'd want me to do, which would be to collect his son if I was able to. His mum or her opinion wouldn't even come into it to be honest. If she wants to leave him unwell in school she can do so on her own time. When DSC are with me and DH, it's his decision ultimately (and mine by extension if he's not here).

Thankfully my DSCs mother would likely just be appreciative that I'd gone to collect her unwell child, as would DH.

Also if OP had come on to say she'd been asked by mum to collect him and she'd said 'you're the parents, you sort it out' she'd have received calls of you KNEW he had children when you married him, they are your responsibility now and on and on and on.

As always, step parents expected to jump when told but not have any real opinion or involvement in anything else. You either want someone to treat your children well and like their own or you don't, if you don't then I wouldn't be asking any favours of a SP either. Can't have it both ways!

He has a bottle of water which he's taking sips of when he wants to.

He is quiet and I can understand why he would find it embarrassing him being a teen, DH has said we need to get him to tell someone at school if something like this happens again so he's going to suggest to SS that he writes it on a piece of paper or something along those lines as hopefully that'll be less embarrassing.

We don't know if previous poster very aptly named 'don't believe a word' is right or wrong.
This is the same poster who accused you of gaslighting on the other thread when you said she was being defensive on a post about h calling w mummy. Her reaction even here in earlier post was overly strong.
If we start detecting lies in OPs posts then there is no point of online support forums.
I have no reason not to believe OP here. I think that some posters have strong unconcious bias against people who remind them of a person they dont like in their real lives, e.g. mothers whose kids have step mothers. These posters make up their mind from start and have such strong, firm position against OPs that they would accuse them of lies or predict what OP would do and would imply that it would be deceitful (usually the scenario they dont want OP to choose).

Safeguarding issue? Explain how.

@Blubba i agree. There is a lot of expectation from SP that they should treat the chid as their own but SP in the end have no respect (at least in the eyes of posters here) or even a small amount of authority on a matter like this. She had only called to inform the school about his sickness and there was a pile on from posters saying they knew she wanted to go against mother.
It's also difficult for OP as if the kid is really sick and OP refuses to help, he may become resentful of her.

I feel sorry for him, he's probably feeling awful. It's just wrong for people to be at school/ work with diarrhoea, it's very infectious, unpleasant and embarrassing. All this petty wrangling is not helping him,do you want him pooping his pants at school?

Safeguarding relates to mental wellbeing as well as physical health. Having an urgent toilet need and being denied can lead to all manner of issues. Fear, humiliation, inability to concentrate because you're desperate to go etc. Kids stop drinking for fear of needing to go and being denied. Dehydration can lead to lack of concentration. What about young teen girls getting to grips with periods? It's bad enough dealing with all those bodily changes at school, without the added fear of leaking/flooding in class because you're not allowed to change a pad. Holding in can lead to stretched bladder, UTIs, impacted poo. On the other hand, forcing yourself to go in break time when your bladder isn't full leads to an overactive bladder.

Not really. But your posts show OP has touched a raw nerve of yours. Are you a mother who doesnt like SM of her child?

Mothers can make mistakes too.

It was me that advised on the first page to call the school and explain the situation, and I am glad you did. I can't imagine what it must be like to be kept in school while you have a tummy bug and being told not to use the toilet again. Ridiculous of the school and the mother. Of course you did the right thing. MN is super weird when it comes to Smums. You know your SS and listened to your instinct.

I agree, it's been like this since my DS was at school, at his school people who needed them were given a toilet pass, I'm not sure about SS’s school (presumably they do) but if a student didn't have one they wouldn't be allowed to go, so I'm surprised (but also relieved) SS was allowed to go at first until he was stopped but I do think the teacher should've asked him if he was ok or called someone to speak to him instead of stopping him as he told me in the car he wanted to try and get through the day but when the teacher told him he couldn't use the toilet during class he knew he wouldn’t have been able to so he messaged me and I'm glad I did as as I said in my PP he was mortified about the accident on the way home and asked me to promise not to tell DH which I have as DH knows he's unwell so he doesn't really need to know about that I think it’d just upset SS and possibly make him not want to tell me things.

To be fair, the thread title was a little inflammatory. I think many posters reacted to that before Op gave her numerous updates and explained she had custody of her stepson for the week.

On the face of it, it's not a good idea to ignore mum's wishes as a step mum when you've called her for advice..? Or listen and agree with the mum and then do the opposite.
Perhaps you need to have more confidence in your own judgment when he is in your care Op. I appreciate a step mum/ mother relationship is tricky to navigate.

Your SS is playing you, he knows that you dont like his mum so hes using that
His mum knows that he does not like wednesdays so you cant blame her for sending him to school, especially if hes pulled the sick card on her before, she probably didnt believe him this time
Why does he not like wednesdays is he being bullied or failing a class?

How do you know that he had an accident in the car did you actually see it on his trousers or the seat?

I didn't really do the opposite as his mum, I just called the school to let them know.

He still seems unwell but a bit better than he was, he's been sick a few times but has told us he feels less sick now but he's still got a stomach ache and its still upset, DH was thinking of phoning the doctors tomorrow to see if it is food poisoning but I don't think he will as SS has said he doesn't mind either way.

He told us he ate a curry which he had a reheat and he doesn't know if he did it for long enough as his mum wasn't in and there wasn't any instructions as he had different options so his mum didn't know what he’d choose. He then got upset and said he's stupid etc which we reassured him that he isn't. He has reheated and cooked his own meals here but he always asks if they've cooked for long enough etc.

@pinheadlarry he doesn't like Wednesdays as he says he has ‘boring’ lessons and he told me.

@pinheadlarry
Oh for goodness sake RTFT
Or at least latest OP posts

Are you seriously asking her to question her DSS on state of his pants? Check the car seat to see if there ms diarrhoea in it??! Wtaf?

OP and her DH, (Childs father), are satisfied he is unwell. Really ridiculous level of intrusion here , really unpleasant.

OP is a SM who cares about DSS too.

His mum sounds totally neglectful and cruel. Your DH should go for more custody.

Good grief!

How do you know that he had an accident in the car did you actually see it on his trousers or the seat?

How do you often know a baby has pooed in their nappy...? Hardly rocket science is it?

Well, she was being neglectful. Sending a child in who claims they are unwell is one thing. Refusing to then pick them up when they are still unwell is quite another.

I've often sent an "unwell" child into school. Occasionally I've had to then pick them up because they are clearly actually ill and I do it because I'm not a twat.

OP,
Of course you did the right thing.

Poor boy.

From some of the replies on here, to leave a child unwell in school until his unavailable parents decide to answer, I can only imagine the lives some children must lead.🙄

He doesn't normally text you, that was the key.

So upsetting for him to have an accident.

These poor teens that are never given the benefit of the doubt.

It wouldn't occur to me to think my child, who is occasionally unwell was lying.

If they tell me they don't feel great, and not up to school, that really would be enough.

It only might have a couple of times a year, but I wouldn't dream of sending them in.

So unkind.

Of course if you have a child regularly pulling a fast one, sure you might question them, but to automatically not believe them and send them in with an upset stomach is just shocking.

OP, continue to look out for that child, his life doesn't sound easy.

As for his mothers response to being told🙄, it explains a lot.