To go and pick SS up from school when his mum has said no?

[tmpbk]

More of a wwyd

Teen SS is due here tonight, he's been messaging me and has told me his mum told him to cook his own dinner last night so he did but started to feel unwell, he had the runs 2 or 3 times and told his mum but she sent him to school as it's probably food poisoning not a contagious bug (food poisoning is still just as bad though!) he asked me to pick him up as he feels unwell, he said he's told the school he feels sick but they told him to see how he feels later but because he hasn't been sick they won't send him home, he said he's been to the toilet a few more times but his last teacher had gotten annoyed at him keep asking to go which I can see from her point of view she probably thinks he's trying to skip the lesson. He has her again after lunch and she's told him she won't allow him to go during that lesson.

He won't tell them he has an upset stomach as it's embarrassing (it obviously isn't but he's a teen), I've told him to lie and tell them he's been sick but he said they won't believe him if they haven't seen it but he's begging me to pick him up as he just wants to go to bed. I've asked his mum what she suggests and she hasn't been helpful as she's said he can stay in school if he isn't going to tell them what's wrong with him and she's suggested he's probably lying as she knows he doesn't like Wednesdays at school.

I've not seen him today but I over the messages I do think he is telling the truth as he never messages me whilst at school (and he isn't supposed to be). I haven't spoken to DH as he hasn't answered his phone.

I'm thinking of going and telling them he has a doctors appointment but I know his mum won't be happy but if he is telling the truth I'll feel a bit mean later if I make him stay.

Thank you for being a decent human being and doing the right thing. Don’t understand the majority of posters. Of course I would have gone to get a child with diarrhoea who’s too embarrassed to tell a teacher! Most teenagers would be and how do you tell a teacher without drawing attention to it or the need to speak really difficult.

You definitely did the right thing and you sound like a wonderful, caring step mother.
I also think that you showed the utmost respect to his mum - you clearly explored the most usual routes for a sick child needing to be collected from school before you made the decision and ultimately you put his welfare first. Well done OP 👏👏

I hope he's recovering well. Is he at home today?

😂

I could never ever be a SM. I’d be appalling. It would be grossly unfair on any SC. Why? Because my children will always come first and I’d prioritise them in any situation over any SC. Plus - I don’t want my children sharing their home with other people’s kids, and indeed a partner of mine! Hence I will never ever ever blend families!

He’s 15, yes? Or was it a typo and actually…. 5?

I would love to have read the responses if this was a MIL posting rather than a SM 😂

No that poster was suggesting that your children have a step mum that you don’t like, not that you are a step mum.

Ah no, thank goodness! Ex hasn’t been in a relationship since we divorced 😅

6.5 years ago

Yes he's 15, not 5 but I still don't see how that makes a difference to him being quiet or not, some teens are.

I could never ever be a SM. I’d be appalling. It would be grossly unfair on any SC. Why? Because my children will always come first and I’d prioritise them in any situation over any SC. Plus - I don’t want my children sharing their home with other people’s kids, and indeed a partner of mine! Hence I will never ever ever blend families!

My DS doesn't live here anymore so I don't need to prioritse him over SS and I don't think he'd expect me to, when DS was living here they were obviously sharing a home but DS had no problem with it and they now have a good relationship with one another and see each other as just brothers, not step. Maybe it helps that we've both known SS since he was a baby and me and DH used to take them to the park together etc but we didn't get into a relationship just before SS’s 5th birthday.

So, with zero experience of stepparenting, you've decided you somehow magically know the OP's motives, you magically know she is bound to be in the wrong and the mum in the right simply because she is the mum, and you've niggled continuously at the OP based on what you think you 'know' about the situation. Simply because the OP is a stepparent.

I'd say it's a very good job your DC don't have stepparents, it seems pretty obvious how said stepparents would be treated if they did.

Bet you any money OP. If you’d have posted a thread saying you’re not picking DSS up when the mum has asked you to, you would have been torn to shreds for not making your DSS’s school pick up your business. But on this thread you’ve been told numerous times to MYOB. Just shows why stepparenting is a minefield really when there is so much conflicting attitudes flying around the place. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Yep - and no one agrees with you more re me and SC… than me!!

Some absolutely batshit replies on here! OP, you did completely the right thing. I say this as the mother of a 14 year old boy who has sometimes tried to get out of school by saying he's unwell. I always send him in anyway, but on one occasion he genuinely was unwell, threw up at school and was sent home and I was mortified. I'd like to think that in your shoes his lovely stepmum would do exactly what you did , but then I'd also like to think that I'm not heartless enough to ignore him if he was messaging me from school saying he had the shits!
I genuinely don't understand the MN culture of believing the birth mother always knows best. Sometimes they really don't. My own mother was cruel and neglectful, but my stepmum is an angel. I'd have continued using folded tissues for sanitary protection if my stepmum hadn't stepped in. Maybe MN thinks that would have been acceptable? Who cares if you are 'stepping on the mums toes' or 'overruling her' if it prevents a child having a traumatic experience in front of his peers?! Does the same apply if we suspect a child is being abused? Do we just ignore it as it's not our place? Of course we don't! SOME step parents are awful, SOME are an absolute godsend.

Sounds like your doing a really great job of step parenting and blending.the favtvthat he can come to you with such an issue is testimony to you op. Especially this issue as a teen!

Mine would be the same. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Although imagine the responses if it had been the SM refusing to pick him up or let him come home.

I'd reply exactly the same. It's not about the relationship,but the child's well being.

Parents sometimes make mistakes. It happens. If someone is available to help and pick up the slack that can only be a good thing.

@tmpbk I have to say that you sound like an amazing step mum!
So kind and caring and the sort of step mum anyone would be lucky to have.

Keep weeeeeeeell out of it! You will NOT cone out if it well if you pick him up

@Tessabelle74 you are a bit late to the party. OP picked him up yesterday!

@tmpbk you’ll never win on here as a stepmum, too many insecurities surfacing! You sound like a lovely SM who made a good decision and I bet your DSS is very grateful for you ☺️

It sounds like you did the right thing and that you really care about him. His umbrella should never have sent hi when he had an upset stomach. And shame on the school for being so uncaring.

his umbrella should never have sent Hi

You ok? 😂

Fwiw I think you did the right thing. I’m an adult with IBS and had this as a child but wasn’t diagnosed then. Some teachers refused me going to the toilet and some were fine and let me - I was a bit of a goody goody behaviour wise so they knew I wasn’t up to no good. But as an adult I have huge anxiety around not being able to access toilets and regularly have panic attacks. I was laughed at by family (similar aged children) once when I had an accident as I was unable to hold on.

I also think it’s irresponsible of the DM to send the child in with the runs. 48 hours off schools should be followed - although I know secondary schools are less strict with this.

And if he is trying to dodge school on a certain day then that’s another issue to discuss separately, possibly with the school as well as the child. There could be something more going on there. But it doesn’t sound like this was the reason this time.

I would hope my children have a step parent like you OP. Me and their DP are divorced. He had another partner for a while and she did lock them up from schoolZ. She was on the emergency list as well but they were in primary then and wouldn’t have been able to contact them. I’d hope if my ex had them for school and they felt as unwell as your SS then he would keep them home. Oh and I would want to know even if it wasn’t on my time. That’s a batsh*t comment from his ex. My children don’t see their dad as regular as most but I do keep him posted if they’re unwell. And sometimes we need to be more flexible with who looks after them when poorly to enable them to stay at home with least disruption to work patterns. So if he’s off work and I’m working he would have them if poorly so I didn’t have to take time off.

What a completely bizarre set of responses on your thread. I feel like I'm in some parallel universe where teens with D and V are basically can't possibly be telling the truth and must be ignored at all costs. I can't begin to imagine ignoring my children or step children (if I had them!) if they texted me to say that had diarrhoea and were feeling unwell. Glad you got him home where he could recover. 💐