Being honest, if it didn't hurt anyone would you want this?

[Blubba]

I was thinking about this last night and although I absolutely love my husband, if I knew it wouldn't hurt him, I'd love to have a more open relationship and I wondered how many people would also prefer that if they knew it wouldn't cause upset / hurt to their spouse or partner?

In reality, my husband would never agree and so I'd never bring it up as I know it would cause an issue the fact I'd even brought it up but in an alternate universe where it wouldn't cause any upset, I think I'd prefer it to a complete monogamy.

Anyone else?

YABU - Even if I could do so without causing any problems in my relationship, I still wouldn't.

YANBU - I would prefer a more open relationship IF it didn't affect my current relationship/marriage.

No.

DH is the only one I want. It’s been 18 years and I have yet to encounter someone else I’d want to sleep with. I actually can’t even imagine it! I’m happy where I am.

THIS. THIS. THIS. THIS.

If there were no children I might feel differently, but all our energy goes into work and our family really.

On second thought, are you referring to my opinion that what is “natural” is irrelevant? I think it’s obvious this opinion is inclusive of all sexualities.

I would, and do.

but only the special fuss-free ones from Ann Summers or Love Honey.

I meant to quote the poster you quoted who linked polyamory to being a receptacle for breeding. Which neglects the significant proportion of gay, lesbian and bisexual men and women who aren’t monogamous.

I know a few people in very happy open or poly relationships, it works well for them. So I can definitely see the appeal! DH and I talked about it in the abstract and we're both theoretically comfortable with the idea but are fundamentally too scared to ever put it to the test because we don't want to ruin what we currently have.

More power to the people I know who make it work, however: one of the happiest couples I know have been together 15 years, married, dog, the works. Utterly in love. She has two other parters (one she sees regularly, one less so) and he has one other, and they've been on holidays as all combinations, are all friends, etc. It's such a ... radical and loving way to live your life done right - so much extra love and support and people to meet different needs in your life. It seems very healthy if done properly. Not that traditional monogamy is bad - I'm perfectly happy with it! - but so often someone expects their partner to meet their every single emotional and physical need and it doesn't work out. But just because someone isn't your 100% perfect match in every single aspect doesn't mean they couldn't be one partner among a few - think of all the threads where someone utterly adores their partner except for sexual incompatibility, for example.

Ew, no.

No it wouldnt interest me in the slightest (though DP is extremely good in that department, I think I would struggle to upgrade tbh 😁)

PP was talking of primal urges in animals being normal... the primal urge is to spread their seed.

As to why do some animals (some who dont even derive pleasure from sex, many species sex is VERY agressive) take part in same sex when there is an absense of a female the answer is very simply that they aren't very bright... they have a basic urge but skipped biology class on how babies are made.

Animals can easily be co-dependant and have emotional relationships with either gender but the urge to breed is what powers sex in most species.

I mean you pump 'on heat' pharamones around many animals go crazy and will stick their dick anywhere they can on instict... its still not a great argument.

This

I know several couples who have an arrangement - from don’t ask, don’t tell to more open and they seem to make it work .
mostly gay if that makes a difference… and one straight couple.

I get the odd what if fleeting thought now and then and sometimes find other men attractive but so what it stays in my head as I wouldn't want to hurt the man I love and some things are worth more than a quick fleeting pleasure.

‘God no, I can barely be arsed with one man, never mind more.’

what if it was a woman?

Yes, but I know it's because deep down I'm in an unhappy relationship.

If I was in a happy one, no way.

Also couldn't be arsed really.

The only way I would ever have entertained the idea is if I didn’t love my husband. If I loved him then no way would this even enter my head.

This was going to be my question!

I'm not interested in other men as none of them come close to my DH ..... but women are a different matter altogether! I don't want a relationship with a woman but I do find some women really sexy!

You know what - I just don't have the time, energy or inclination to be having sex with more than one person. Who can be bothered with that?! Haha!

God no. I love my DP, the thought of anyone else touching me like that makes me feel a bit queasy tbh.

No, when I am in a committed relationship, I love the fact that sex is the thing that we only do with each other. Its definitely an intimate, exclusive, bonding thing for me.

This. Honestly this is God's way of telling you you are better off being on your own.

There is literally no point being with someone if you would prefer to have relationships with others.

I'm not coming at this from a moral standpoint, particularly. I don't have any objection to the idea of an open relationship. I just think that people (particularly women) often are better off on their own but society doesn't really allow them to entertain the idea.

In practice just keeping one relationship going is often more trouble than it's worth. The idea of having several on the go while you maintain the "official" one is just exhausting.

Call time on it, be honest with yourself and with him and enjoy the freedom.

Fo me it’s a no as I don’t wish my husband shagging other women.

YABU. I would never do this to DH as I love him too much. He’s been my best friend and husband for 23 years and no-one could match up to him anyway.

Going by the cheaters I know , they get the time / energy by

sneaking out of work, so they are stealing time from their employers or clients and making colleagues / subordinates work more to cover their work

pretending they are at work and making their spouses do their share of the housework / childcare - this also applies to those who cheat when they are “working away from home “.

working less hours ( in paid employment ) than their spouse

So in each case they are not spending their own time on the affair, they are stealing someone else’s time . Someone else ( spouse / colleagues ) has to work more so they have the free time to cheat. And any children miss out on time with their parent.

So no, it’s not a value system of lifestyle that I aspire to.

Of course it’s different in an open relationship, that’s not the same as cheating. I CBA with their either .

First thing we did was make a couple profile on fabswingers and found the local social event. We dropped in for a drink and met some people to chat to just socially but they gave us some pointers!
first place we went was a naturist spa with 'relaxation rooms' 😆 it meant I could ease into it at my own pace. We met some more people and went to a couple of club nights, got verifications on fab and got invited to some parties...the key is to be GGG and both willing to play bi if the mood takes you and you'll be much in demand 😆😉 it's honestly so much fun and I wouldn't go back now if I could.