Being honest, if it didn't hurt anyone would you want this?

[Blubba]

I was thinking about this last night and although I absolutely love my husband, if I knew it wouldn't hurt him, I'd love to have a more open relationship and I wondered how many people would also prefer that if they knew it wouldn't cause upset / hurt to their spouse or partner?

In reality, my husband would never agree and so I'd never bring it up as I know it would cause an issue the fact I'd even brought it up but in an alternate universe where it wouldn't cause any upset, I think I'd prefer it to a complete monogamy.

Anyone else?

YABU - Even if I could do so without causing any problems in my relationship, I still wouldn't.

YANBU - I would prefer a more open relationship IF it didn't affect my current relationship/marriage.

Not at this stage of my life, when I was younger probably. I don't think I'd even bother looking for someone else if dh and I split up or if I became widowed. I'm just not arsed with men anymore.

How would you recommend we start?

No, if I wanted relationships with various people, it would be one at a time and I wouldn’t want to be married to someone while having a thing with someone else, so would prefer not to be married if I went down that route.

I wouldn't because I'm just too tired quite honestly. But I think people should if it works for them and in their relationship (I'm not 100% convinced it really does work for both parties in any of these relationships but that's a practical/emotional stance not a moral one).

Yes, absolutely. My partner and I are actually open in theory – I've been on a few dates, but nothing more, mainly because we're both quite lazy and can't be arsed to do much about it. He's absolutely without doubt the best and healthiest relationship I've ever had, and the only one I've felt secure enough in to be open. I don't think lifelong monogamy is something anyone can guarantee (even if you insist it is) nor is it realistic. I have no idea how I'll feel or who I'll be in 5, 10, 20 years. He's of the same mindset. It absolutely doesn't mean your relationship is wrong, broken, or that you don't love your partner.

I wouldn’t want to. I love the all encompassing passion and attention that I have with the one I love and if I were interest in someone else that would mean that I had lost that with my partner.

I also don’t understand how anyone can be ok with their partner having sex with someone else or having a relationship with someone else. The jealousy would kill me!

Also, how much could a man love me if he was happy for me to sleep with someone else.

Not for me.

A) I couldn't stand the thought of him with another woman
B) I'd be so hurt he didn't mind ME with someone else
C) Can't be arsed

If you're putting yourself out there as available to other people and risking falling in love then how can you love your partner? If you don't mind your partner doing the same... I can't get my head around it like others. It's one thing to have fantasies but to materialise that and risk so much is crazy

I guess I don't actually care though

This...and the effort ....dating /trying to filter good from bad/ shaving ugh!

I don't judge anyone else though.

That's not what I said. I said he wouldn't agree to it and it would cause an issue if I even suggested it, so I never would.

I'm actually more than happy in my relationship and I do love my husband and have no intention of cheating on him! I'm happy living a monogamous life.

Just in a fantasy land where I could be with other people and it have absolutely no affect on my marriage, I think I could really enjoy that too. That's not to say I'll do it, because there are too many potential issues, but if those issues didn't exist I think I would like that.

I agree there are many pitfalls i.e. falling in love with someone else. I'm not suggesting I'm actually going to do this. But if there were a way to (not possible) without any potential issues then I think I'd like to.

You don't have to answer op if you don't wish to but I'm wondering what you might mean by it would cause issues yet he wouldn't be hurt by it?
I'm imagining he might be paranoid about catching something or resentful about being left alone with the cat and children??

Oh I'm sorry op I reread your op and update 3 times to get it into my thick skull. I now understand what you're saying. I'll fly away now and leave the discussion for more awake people that can read 😅sorry again

No, I’d honestly spend all my time with the OM thinking (and probably saying) “DH would love this restaurant, I must bring him” etc. I genuinely can’t imagine being even remotely interested in anyone else.

I have no desire for more sexual partners.
I think what is ‘natural’ for humans is irrelevant.

I dont think thats true at all. In fact i think loads of people find monogamy really difficult even when they love their partner.

I dont find monogamy difficult. I adore my partner and i love sex. I still fancy other people at times and i dont think id find it difficult to be aroused by someone else i fancied, and I dont feel particularly jealous at the idea of dp having sex with someone else. In fact i find the idea quite hot! I would be more jealous if i thought he liked them more than me though, and i think thats why we dont play with that fire.

Absolutely.

my husband is the only person I’ve had sex with. Wanting to have sex with someone else doesn’t mean I don’t love my husband. Loving my husband means not having sex with anyone else because I know it would hurt him.

Honestly I have no interest in being with anyone else, I only have that closeness with my DH which makes our relationship different from my relationships with everyone else. I like that.

I'd be open to it, but don't think my DP would be. Plus, I don't really have the time or energy for multiple relationships. I don't think it's realistic or fair to expect one person to fulfil all your needs in a relationship and I completely understand why people choose polyamory... but I imagine it makes everything far more complicated.

but I imagine it makes everything far more complicated.

If probably depends on the type of “open” you go for, but personally I don’t find it any more complicated than having multiple friends as well as a partner. That’s all it is, really - just friends who he and I may also have sex with sometimes.

I think juat being a receptical for lots of horny rapey men to dump their substandard DNA in in a primal desperation for them to spread their seed as far as possible with zero consiquence to themselves only the woman who must raise their prodigy sounds utterly dire but yes PP is right that happens often in the animal kingdom.

I like to think we have evolved long past that though and have a better standard of life than those animals - I mean gang rape and siring dozens of fatherless children is not a common aspiration for most regardless of if 'most' animals do it or not.

I literally couldn't be arsed with another partner. My husband is my best friend, we have good sex. That's plenty for me.

I wonder where cheaters get the energy, frankly.

Nope, I love my DH and honestly can't see myself being with anyone else sexually, emotionally etc.

Plus what is it you actually want that you feel you're not getting from your DH that you think you'd get from someone else?
I think people like the idea of greener grass but is it ever greener on the other side??

I was thinking this too about the “monogamy isn’t natural” argument but not brave enough to write it. 👏👏

How do you fit gay men and lesbian women into your theory?

What theory? I haven’t posited any theory.
(Im bisexual btw)