Being honest, if it didn't hurt anyone would you want this?

[Blubba]

I was thinking about this last night and although I absolutely love my husband, if I knew it wouldn't hurt him, I'd love to have a more open relationship and I wondered how many people would also prefer that if they knew it wouldn't cause upset / hurt to their spouse or partner?

In reality, my husband would never agree and so I'd never bring it up as I know it would cause an issue the fact I'd even brought it up but in an alternate universe where it wouldn't cause any upset, I think I'd prefer it to a complete monogamy.

Anyone else?

YABU - Even if I could do so without causing any problems in my relationship, I still wouldn't.

YANBU - I would prefer a more open relationship IF it didn't affect my current relationship/marriage.

I would like a wife though. Not for sex but for wife work and come with me to the ballet.

The only times I've felt anything like this is when my partner has been on medication effecting his sex drive which has left my needs not being met.

So honestly I think in a lot of cases, wanting to sleep with someone else is more symptomatic of an unfulfilled sex life.

That's not a dig at anyone, we all go through episodes of mismatched drive with our partners. I love my partner and I love our sex life. I genuinely don't want anyone else, on the contrary, being so intimate with someone who loves me so much has got me to the point where the thought of sleeping with someone who doesn't love me and know me and know my body is very unappealing.

Try something new instead of someone new.

Does it matter if you are in your 40s and not super attractive? That’s probably the biggest thing putting us off! I’m super sec positive but not overly body positive. It’s an awkward combination but I’m working on it

I reckon it depends on the stage of a relationship. I’m 10 years in and still think he’s gorgeous and couldn’t think of another man!

In 20 years when he’s old fat and bald… we’ll see 😂😂

Perhaps when I was 20 and childless, with hormones kicking strong... Right now, approaching 50 with a super busy life, this sounds like a nightmare.
If I had the resources, energy and time to have an affair I would use it in meeting my friends much more (male and female), travelling, hobbies, an active effort to meet people outside my natural comfort zone...

I think perhaps it's a question of how much do you expect one relationship to provide you with? I need and want other friendships besides my partner's, I don't see why - theoretically - I might also feel like I'd like to have sex with people other than him, or, say, enjoy the excitement of a first date or the limerance phase of a fling. Those are not things he can or will ever be able to provide me with because we are 11 years down the line, we are at another stage now although we still enjoy sex and dates etc. I'm happy with my relationship but I'm not going to pretend that he fulfils all my desires - it's more that I've made a choice that those things matter less to me than the deep, loving, supportive, fun relationship that we have built together over a decade, as well as sharing a home and a child. I think if most people were being honest, they've made that choice too.

I'm also conscious that we have all been socially conditioned to regard romantic exclusivity as the goal, and so yes in this situation, seeing other people is a betrayal. I think if I had not spent all my life trained to aim for monogamy, I'd be less emotionally invested in it. I'd be really upset if DP cheated on me and tbh would be uncomfortable and unhappy to cheat on him too, but I think that's not necessarily innate, but learned.

I absolutely adore my husband. We are swingers and often have sex with others. I am not romantically interested in any one else and if I did I would have issues but I love the freedom that nonmonogamy brings to our life. We have the best communication out of all our vanilla friends. We started out as fwb we go threw periods of more and less monogamy. And it works for us.

also name change

Oh we got to pg 6 before vanilla friends came up:)

God no!! Most swingers seem to be 30s and upwards and there are ALL body types. I'm a size 16 with a mum tum and I would say what I like about the clubs and parties I've been to is how inclusive they are. You can have a surprising amount of fun with people you wouldn't necessarily fancy in normal life when you're in a group situation!!

@CloseYourEyesAndSee dying to know what clubs you go too, we are based in the northwest

We are quite a long way away from you! Only been to London area clubs so far but I'm quite intrigued by the Birmingham bizarre bazaar and after party

Definitely don't need another man in my life, the one I have is problem enough - but women yes.

It’s on this Sunday we have an event on Saturday night so will be a family day on Sunday.

i have heard great things about it tho.

If it gets you through the day keep telling yourself that.

I couldn't think of anything worse to be honest.

No thanks. Bad sex with strangers, worrying about STDs, potentially hooking up with someone smelly, gross or even dangerous, etc.
I’m totally content with monogamy, it’s great.

This is well explained.

Well, yes. We have condoms, ability to test for STIs and the right to say no (which IME, has always been accepted in a swinging context.)

It's not like you have to go from monogamy to absolutely no boundaries at all, if you choose to be non-monogamous.

You are aware different things work for different people. Because you think something wouldn’t be a fit for you or you’re relationship it dosn’t mean it won’t work for other people.

me and my husband have been together for 15 years and it works for us. I get it dosnt work for everyone but our relationship is amazing and I love him

Who decided this is how your relationship would be? One of you must have had the idea first and persuaded the other it was a good idea?
Who decides when you have a “period of monogamy “ in your relationship?

I often get the impression that one partner leads with this.

Admittedly a lot of my swingers knowledge is based on Louis Theroux documentaries 😂

I barely have the emotional energy to maintain my one romantic relationship with my OH…

2 or more. How would that work practically?? Maybe sex only would be fine but actual dating / relationships? Who on earth has the time or energy for that?

I honestly could not be arsed! Get a hobby..

😂Absolutely this ^

This is nonsense. My husband and I have had an open relationship on and off for the last 12 years.

He's my best friend and the love of my life.

We met on a kink website years ago and it turned out we lived in the same halls of residents.

we both used to go to kink events before we met at the same swingers club but never met there. When we first met we where fwb we did kink events together then started swinging before we where a couple. But in all honesty I would find it hard to open a relationship 10 years in.

Tbh life just gets in the way sometimes. When work is mad or other stuff is going on it’s not our priority. We have friends on and off the scene. We have a family it’s balancing everything. Also making time for us as a couple. We have great communication tho which most swinging couples have.