Being honest, if it didn't hurt anyone would you want this?

[Blubba]

I was thinking about this last night and although I absolutely love my husband, if I knew it wouldn't hurt him, I'd love to have a more open relationship and I wondered how many people would also prefer that if they knew it wouldn't cause upset / hurt to their spouse or partner?

In reality, my husband would never agree and so I'd never bring it up as I know it would cause an issue the fact I'd even brought it up but in an alternate universe where it wouldn't cause any upset, I think I'd prefer it to a complete monogamy.

Anyone else?

YABU - Even if I could do so without causing any problems in my relationship, I still wouldn't.

YANBU - I would prefer a more open relationship IF it didn't affect my current relationship/marriage.

Can’t think of anything worse.

The only people I know who’ve tried this had split up within six months. There may be people out there who can make it work but it’s not everyone. I suspect many people who try it would be better off with an amicable divorce.

Seriously couldn't be arsed.
If anything I'd be more likely to become a celibate hermit.

In all honesty absolutely!

He’s got zero sex drive now and we haven’t had sex in months! I love him so much and he’s amazing but the lack of sex is putting a strain on our relationship!

His whole life is about making me and us happy yet he doesn’t want sex! He’s definitely not having an affair as we run businesses together and are together 24/7 and use each other’s phones all the time and emails all the time!

I would just love someone to bend me over and sort me out occasionally

In my last LTR before my current DH- I flirted tons and loved the thrill of the chase. Looking back, I had emotional affairs a plenty too, getting something I needed from someone who wasn’t him. In the death throes would have definitely cheated if I knew there would be no fall out.

But that was because I was unfulfilled, loved him like one would maybe love a sick hamster and resented the life we lived together. I was stuck and unable to leave, but jumped as soon as I could.

I can’t ever imagine acting like that with my husband. He is truly my soulmate and fulfils me emotionally, sexually and intellectually.

No chance, I’ve been Single for 6 years and haven’t slept with anyone in that time as I hate the thought of sleeping around with multiple people, prefer just the one!

Should add, I’d never actually do it! I can’t think of anything worse than betraying him, he’s amazing but I do dream of Tom Hardy coming along to help me out 😂

Completely natural impulse- in evolutionary terms it was very much in the woman's best interest to find a reliable provider to raise a family with, but to spread the genetic heritage of her family around more than one male, in case of a dangerous inherited gene in her mate.

So many women will be genetically pre-programmed to feel this - however, in a civilised and fair society, we are all expected to control many of our instincts, and most people would want the instinct to infidelity to be kept under control in their partner.

Fine if both partners agree this isn't a thing in their relationship

Yes I would. We did try it but my dp was funnily enough much more keen on him doing it and not me, so i quickly rescinded the offer and we are quite settled being monogamous.

Reality of polyamory i think is very inconvenient when you have life, work and family to consider anyway. Its hard enough even making proper time for one relationship, let alone more than one. I decided that it is playing with fire a bit too much too..

God no. DH is the best shag ever, can’t imagine being with anyone else.

As a general rule of thumb, it is believed that historically, around 10% of babies have not belonged to the man who thinks he is their father.

Lots of hormonal and behavioural responses support the woman having sex with more than one man around ovulation , even such mundane experiences as men sleeping so heavily after sex, and the thrusting action clearing away some of the previous lovers sperm, etc

I voted YABU because it's not something I'd ever want, but I don't think wanting an open relationship necessarily means you don't love who you're with. If you coerce them into it then you don't love them, if you'd rather lose them then be monogamous, then you don't love them, not in any meaningful way.

I would swing but wouldn’t want to be emotionally linked with someone else, my husband is my soul mate and I adore him. I’m sex positive though and think enjoying our bodies doesn’t need to be restricted so long as everyone consents. My husband and I would love to try clubs and stuff in the future and see how we would feel playing with other people/couples

My relationship was open for the first 4 years. We have tried every permutation of polyamory, open relationships etc and have settled on swinging as the thing that we both enjoy.
he would like to have other partners without me but I got so bored of the whole thing! The issue is that he can always find something to like in most women whereas most men are meh and I lost patience and motivation to wade through the dross tbh. I realised I was only scrolling tinder because we were 'open' not because I actually wanted to so I knocked that on the head. We both love swinging and it scratches the itch of wanting something extra without any risk of anyone getting feelings hurt.

I think of it, but I know the reason and it's that I get little attention and no compliments off my DH.
But in reality, I'm not sure I would actually do it and I think it's probably a slippery slope for the marriage!

This isn't true at all

We’ve always had an open relationship. It works for us and we have a lot of fun. That’s really all that matters.

Not even a bit true

I just couldn't do it..
I think that even with ultra safe protection, I'd still be concerned about picking up an STD.
That's just me though : for many it works and it must be nice to have safe places to go with like minded people! Each to their own.

I'm not against an open relationship if that's what you both know about and want.

But I don't understand how you know he won't mind and won't be hurt but then won't agree?! There seems a disconnect there because what you are saying is 1+1=3 right now.

Of course it’s true! The OP herself she wouldn’t tell her husband as he wouldn’t be open to it. What’s she with him for if she wants to fuck other people?

No.
Even if my husband said that I could see other people and he wouldn't, I still wouldn't want it and I would be upset by the thought that he didn't mind me having sex with other people. Just no. Together nearly 30 years if that makes a difference.
No judgment on others who do though.

Have you considered swinging??
we have met several couples where the man has ED issues but enjoys the couple aspect of swinging and getting involved in other ways. For us anyway there is no jealousy involved when we see each other with someone else as long as we are together. Jealousy only ever happened when we did things separately. It's worth considering!

Try it!! It's so much fun. 100% recommend

I can believe this is how you feel but that's not necessarily how all open relationship couples see it. Perhaps for you you can't reconcile wanting sex elsewhere but having a main partner, just because that's not your understanding or experience of what love is or should be doesn't mean everyone else is like you in this view.

This particular op something doesn't make sense but it doesn't mean that it's like this with all other open relationships. I don't think we should generalise from the op.

It's not true - you made an absolute statement and I'm telling you it's not true because my DH and I are the exception to your statement!