Being honest, if it didn't hurt anyone would you want this?

[Blubba]

I was thinking about this last night and although I absolutely love my husband, if I knew it wouldn't hurt him, I'd love to have a more open relationship and I wondered how many people would also prefer that if they knew it wouldn't cause upset / hurt to their spouse or partner?

In reality, my husband would never agree and so I'd never bring it up as I know it would cause an issue the fact I'd even brought it up but in an alternate universe where it wouldn't cause any upset, I think I'd prefer it to a complete monogamy.

Anyone else?

YABU - Even if I could do so without causing any problems in my relationship, I still wouldn't.

YANBU - I would prefer a more open relationship IF it didn't affect my current relationship/marriage.

@IfOnlyLifeCameWithAManual I agree, I think f/f sex can be wonderful and it is (for me) a completely different experience.

I have experienced 3somes, both as part of the couple and as a single woman joining a couple and I personally don't enjoy that dynamic anywhere near as much, especially once feelings are involved. I think you have to be into swinging/ group encounters on their own merit to enjoy 3somes and I'm not.

I enjoy seeing my female lover 1:1 and we have our own relationship, I wouldn't want to involve my partner in that!

Yes, you’ve hit it on the head @LikeMindedLady i wouldn’t want another primary relationship but I would like a girlfriend.
I would also like to try things in the swinging realm with my partner - but that’s a little way off for us.
I’ve found the swingers on this thread how I always experience them - thoughtful, honest and welcoming. I hope the scene is like that if I dip a toe in at some point .

A recent NY university research conducted by people not in the lifestyle to avoid any bias presented a 92% failure rate for open couples. Even the good ones have more trouble than what they are willing to publicly state,

I not long ago read a post from a guy who said after 5 years of pain, heartache, stress, fighting, a divorce and the loss of his home and kids said it was the best thing he ever did and does not regret it, Maybe some people are addicted to the drama.

That's an interesting statistic. I wonder if that high failure rate is due to couples that are struggling already being more likely to try the open relationship style than couples in a secure relationship.

From personal experience, I tried it because I was missing intimacy in my marriage, and my girlfriend was lonely with her husband working long hours. It nearly broke both marriages and in hindsight would have been better if we'd just addressed the issues in our marriages.

I'd be interested to see the statistics if they compared couple who felt secure before opening than those who didn't.

I don't think we'd ever know the truth as it's not like people are registered and you can ask. LOL I've read so much over the years and secure relationships may help but certainly has many problems also.

It will always come to personal bias, you believe the results that you want to believe,

Chance would be a fine thing. They would take one look at my knackered naked body and run off screaming.

@ClockingTime obviously I don't know you and AFAIK haven't seen you naked, but it's that sort of thing that casual sex helped me with, at the age of 49 and quite overweight, post pregnancy belly etc. I'm no looker but I got lavish amounts of appreciation from lots of men that way. Sure they were doing it because they wanted a shag, but they were quite specific about what they liked. It gave my physical self esteem the most incredible boost. Men who fancy women REALLY fancy women.

I agree.

My husband very much encourages me to flirt with other men and always talks about me having sex with someone else.
But when it's become a remote possibility, he gets funny about it so I think the fantasy outweighs the reality. He's not interested in other women though and I'd never accept an open relationship for him so I think for fairness it's a no go for us but I can understand the appeal.

Pantal1985 · Today 08:33
My husband very much encourages me to flirt with other men and always talks about me having sex with someone else“

That doesn’t bother you?

Very true. As is the case for many things; you find the article/person/therapist that agrees with you.

It's a kink I believe, being turned on by the idea of being cuckolded. My ex-girlfriend's husband was the same and they'd discuss which of his friends were suitable. But in reality, even her having sex with me, a woman, was a mental struggle for him. The reality of it drove him mad.

I suggested this in a long relationship because I didn't feel "that way" anymore and wanted freedom to feel, while keeping the family together.
It just gets messy, and usually hard for one partner who still has strong feelings (as my ex did for me) Better to split up, which we have, stayed best friends and kids are happy.

The man I loved after.. NO CHANCE would I have an open relationship.
So to me it indicates lack of romantic love when you want this.

Yes exactly this, just a kink but one I don't think he'd actually enjoy if it came to it. It doesn't bother me talking about it, in fact it's quite fun, but don't think it would be good for our relationship to act on it.