To tell her she needs to cancel?

[Chikapu]

My friend has sent me a message telling me she's coming to see me and that she's booked a hotel and flights. I didn't invite her, she's literally taken it upon herself to think that this is ok and that I'll drop everything to accommodate her.
I'm speechless at her cheek tbh and don't want her to come, would I be a bitch to tell her to cancel?

I absolutely agree with this. I'm convinced some people simply respond to be contrary.

If the post had have been 'AIBU to arrange to visit a friend for a weekend without checking dates with her first?' that the very same people who said it's no big deal on here would be calling her a presumptuous, self involved and stupid for not checking that dates were convenient.

She is not expecting to stay with you but she is being presumptuous expecting you to drop everything and spend three days with her. What you say and do depends on how much you value the friendship. First of all are you actually free on those days? If not can stuff be moved around with no problem should you want to spend time with her? If it can and you want to spend time with your friend I would just get on with it rather than being annoyed she booked it without talking to you. If you are busy then tell her that and if she has to spend time on her own then she will remember to check next time. I personally would make an effort to meet up with her for at least one of the days if you want to stay friends.

Maybe say I'm extremely busy can be available in the day but not evenings, you should have checked with me. X

I agree with cornishclio....

If she has booked flights clearly you don't live close but good friends. She was obviously missing you and took the chance.

You have said up thread you are busy but if you want the friendship be gentle and explain that upu have things booked in with your husband and its your only opportunity, if she cant reschedule for new year when you will have more time then can make some time for a breakfast and/or dinner and she will have to entertain herself.... you never know it may be a good exercise for her.

“I know this person extremely well and I assure you this isn't her coming to the city I live in and expecting to fill her own time, she isn't like that in the slightest.”

So she hasn’t actually said it and you’ve just assumed?

I think YABU and not a very good friend in return. She’s obviously coming for a reason. You just need to communicate when you are available during her stay and when you’re not. It’s not like she’s expecting to stay with you.

Absolute rubbish! OP's 'friend' is a CFer and chancer and they are the ones who are not good friends. A good friend would check first (OP could have been out of the country, for all the CF'ing chancer knew! Or in hospital. Or etc etc), not be so selfish, entitled, rude and disrespectful. OP is a very good friend and is not being unreasonable for having self respect and wanting someone to show some basic courtesy and check first. Your own standards are very low if you think the OP is the one in the wrong for being upset that she has been so disrespected and taken for granted by this CFing chancer who is no friend at all to the OP.

OP I would tell her that you won't even be in the area at the time. She needs to learn a lesson that it's stupid arranging to be so presumptuous, selfish and entitled and not check first. For all she knew you could have been in hospital or abroad or anything. She's a cheeky mare and she needs putting in her place and made to stop, think and to learn a lesson. Tell her she's wasted her time because you won't even be home during that time. She needs to learn manners, respect and basic courtesy. She is not a friend, and if she ends the 'friendship' with you? Bargain! Best thing she could do for you, as you don't need 'friends' like her.

@JennyNotFromTheBlock disrespectful, are you actually having a laugh. Of all the things in the world that could be considered disrespectful and you decide that someone coming to visit someone they think is their friend (although clearly isn’t). The friend hasn’t demanded the the OP puts her up she isn’t putting OP out at all, she just happens to have booked flights and a hotel in the area. The OP has made assumptions about what the situation will be like. If one of my friends did that I just let them know the times I was available to spend time with them and where I could invite them to join in with what I was doing. My friends are welcome at mine always and they know that. There is always a cup of tea or glass of wine if needed.

Yes, it is disrespectful, @H007 the fact you cannot see that and I and others on this thread says a lot. NO ONE with any morals or decency just TELLS someone they're coming, they ASK FIRST. It's apparently your a CFer and chancer so that's why you cannot understand basic common courtesy.

The OP has made assumptions about what the situation will be like.

Lol I think the OP knows her friend much better than you. Why do you assume she doesn't? She even said that the friend expects her to be there every day. RTFT. Her 'friend' is a CFer and a chancer, and only CFers and chancers and people who have no manners would be an apologist for her bad behaviour.

The OP has made assumptions about what the situation will be like.

Well, @Chikapu knows her friend and what she's like. You don't @H007.

Cheeky mare; tell her you’ve got to work; look after the mother in law; grandchildren; husbands auntys cousin son anything just stop the cheeky cow 😂😂

She doesn't sound at all considerate. I think plans like that need both parties to plan them. Can you spare any time to see her? If so tell her that and say but the rest of the time you'll have to entertain yourself :)

Jeepers, some of the people on this thread must be the best and most patient friends ever. I would be pretty bloody put out by your friend, OP, and if I'm perfectly honest (because it would all make me so awkward) I'd probably like her a lot less because of it and it might signal the beginning of the end of the friendship.
I hope you can tell her you're not available but you can send her some recommendations for places she can go. Does she know where you live, is she likely to show up at your door?!

I voted YABU. If she booked a hotel, what is your issue? She's not telling you she's coming to your house and expects to be served everything. She's your friend and she's making an effort to see you, so make sure you can spend all your free time with her while she's in your country.
I'd love any of my friends to send me a message like this. FWIW I'm far away from my country, I really don't think you are as good a friend as she thinks you are. Very egoistic attitude. I bet you're one of the people who complain nobody comes to visit and you have to travel miles to stay in touch or the contact would cease 🤷

OP, I would just reply to her telling her though of course you always love to see her, the timing is just not good this time so would she mind just re-arranging her trip to a mutually convenient date instead as you really cant take those 3 days off and its very near christmas etc. If she is a true friend, she shouldn't be peeved by his, she really has just sprung it on you, she needs to think about this be a more considerate friend to you. I dont think you are unreasonable at all, I would never dream of announcing i'm coming to see a friend and expect them to drop everything without discussing it and asking them first.

I really don't think you are as good a friend as she thinks you are. Very egoistic attitude

Nope, the egoistic attitude is the person who books flight and a hotel without even having the courtesy to ask the OP if she's available. The "friend" hasn't thought about what plans the OP might have at all. What if OP was away for the entire time? Or working and had something on every evening which couldn't be cancelled?
I really can't understand why anyone would book a few days in the city a friend lives in, saying they are coming to see them, without blooming well checking first.

Seriously, have you read all the OP's posts on this thread, @IsHeLyingAgain ? OP has said: "She's expecting me to spend the whole three days with her, meeting her in the morning, going shopping, taking her round places of interest, going drinking at night. She's really not planning on entertaining herself."

And that her husband had booked time off and they were going to see friends prior to Christmas. It takes a real egotistical CFer to think it's appropriate to rock up to the OP's place with no warning or notice (OP could have been in hospital, or abroad, or there could have been a family drama) and be so selfish as to expect the OP to forget plans that her and her husband had planned for, because this CFer 'friend' expects OP to drop everything and take her places. No one would accept that rudeness or bad manners so why are you saying the OP is wrong when it's the CFer 'friend' that is forcing herself unannounced on the OP?

Sounds more like she’s staying near you anyway for reasons of her own and thought it would be nice to see you when she’s nearby. If she’s in a hotel she’s obviously independent and not imposing on your hospitality. Just suggest a dinner date or something. She can clearly look after herself and isn’t asking you to babysit her.

Having 3 days a person foisted upon me would be unwelcome too OP - I hear where you are coming from. Yes, would love to see her for a day, but three full days would drain me, especially if I had not agreed on it beforehand. Even if she stays in a hotel, your whole 3 days will revolve around her - you need to set some boundaries here. I think her heart must be in the right place and she must think a lot of you to come and see you. Or shes having some issues at home and needs somewhere to escape to for a few days...

RTFT or at least OP's posts on here @TrixieMixie . OP has said she is not coming for any reason and She's expecting me to spend the whole three days with her, meeting her in the morning, going shopping, taking her round places of interest, going drinking at night. She's really not planning on entertaining herself.

YANBU to think she ought to have discussed and agreed a convenient plan with you before booking. But yes, YWBU to tell her to cancel. She shouldn’t be telling you what you’re going to be doing and you shouldn’t be telling her what she should be doing. That doesn’t mean you should see her when she comes unless you actually want to, just that telling her to cancel isn’t appropriate.

I don’t think you deserve the slating you are getting from some posters at all, but I find it utterly ridiculous that you’ve come on here to ask if you should tell her to cancel instead of just texting her back telling her that you’re sorry but you won’t be available. Then come on here to rant about her after she cancels your friendship (which is what you seem to expect). But it does sound like you’ll be well rid of her.

Why dont you want her to come? dont you like her? if you do like her then surely its lovely that she is coming? are you free when she is coming? if so I dont see the problem...if not then tell her you cant see her because a, b and c. I think your reaction is odd, it sounds like you dont enjoy having friends. She isnt being cheeky, she hasnt asked to stay with you.... goodness...must be tough being your friend.

Christmas or not it's bloody rude and inconsiderate and in your shoes I would be well pissed off too OP.

Booking flights and expecting your attention for 3 entire days etc is a far cry from a friend just dropping in on the off chance that you are available for an afternoon spent on a catch up and a coffee.

YANBU in the slightest as the majority vote indicates.

@Solonge Why don't you read all of OP's replies on here, before asking questions that were answered hours ago. Because it's your reaction that this is ok, that is odd here.

OP has said: "She's expecting me to spend the whole three days with her, meeting her in the morning, going shopping, taking her round places of interest, going drinking at night. She's really not planning on entertaining herself."

OP has said that her husband had booked time off and they were going to see friends prior to Christmas. It takes a real egotistical CFer to think it's appropriate to rock up to the OP's place with no warning or notice (OP could have been in hospital, or abroad, or there could have been a family drama) and be so selfish as to expect the OP to forget plans that her and her husband had planned for, because this CFer 'friend' expects OP to drop everything and take her places. No one would accept that rudeness or bad manners so why are you saying the OP is wrong when it's the CFer 'friend' that is forcing herself unannounced on the OP?