To tell her she needs to cancel?

[Chikapu]

My friend has sent me a message telling me she's coming to see me and that she's booked a hotel and flights. I didn't invite her, she's literally taken it upon herself to think that this is ok and that I'll drop everything to accommodate her.
I'm speechless at her cheek tbh and don't want her to come, would I be a bitch to tell her to cancel?

No one with any morals or decency? did you actually say that? its immoral is it to visit a friend. I think you have problems.

@Solonge Try reading the actual thread. No decent person would be such a CFer to put the OP on the spot like this, expect her and her husband to cancel their plans from which he took leave for, to go out partying for 3 days and tell her all this without even asking the OP if she was available. Who does that???

YWNBU! What nerve to invite yourself for a visit!

just send an email or text and say, "Oh you're right we should get together for a visit sometime. Let's both start thinking of a good time to visit for a few days, maybe a few months from now. We can keep in touch weekly/ monthly until then until we mutually agree on an acceptable time for the both of us.

Unfortunately, the days you're coming don't work for me at all and I won't be available to chat or visit then due to family/work/personal reasons. "If you still plan on coming to this area, I hope you have fun but please know that I will not be available to talk, visit or get together at any day or time you're here. No chatting even or visiting of any kind at all. If you visit again let's discuss the dates in advance so I can share with you if my schedule permits or not. I do have a full schedule these days! Great to hear from you! Bye!"

Do not be apologetic or attempt to explain your timetable day by day. Just be clear and concise and let her know it's not a good time and you can't see her AT ALL, the days and times she's in your area.

A good friend will understand and be mortified that they forgot to check with you fist. If she's angry, she's not a good friend and you don't need her in your life so don't respond to her ever again. Block her from all social media accounts and on all your electronics. She will be essentially dead to you, people like that have no business in your life. I mean seriously! Who shows up without an invite!! How nasty and rude and they obviously think what they want and need trumps any thing you may have going on in your life and just totally takes for granted that you eagerly want to see her.
ick.

Just one more thing; even if you have NOTHING going on during the times she's there, besides relaxing in front of the TV for 12 hrs a day or reading or sleeping or just enjoying your own company peacefully; she has NO right to encroach on your solitude with her self inviting ass.

A decent person doesn't necessarily have to wait for an invite but you DO have to discuss the invite and the days you'd like to come with your friend! And see if they actually want company for 3 days and are up to entertaining you in the manner that you have described. To not only come uninvited but to make all of the entertainment plans without first discussing it with the OP is just unbelievable douchebaggery to me.

You would CERTAINLY not be a bitch to tell this entitled person "No, not now", and PLEASE update us and let us know that you did in fact say NO.

I can think of friends who can't presume to fill 3 days of my time: ALL of them. But we have manners here in the US South, (I'm in Dallas, TX), and not ONE friend would send me a message like that. They'd start by saying, "Let's get together! When is good for you?" After WE have settled on the days then WE work out our activities for those days. Together.

This so called "mate", was rude, presumptuous and entitled. SHE had 3 free days, SHE had her entertainment planned she just wanted OP to come with her, not necessarily because she likes her much. Because she's in that city where those actives; entertainment, shopping, good coffee, are.

She didn't even ask. She told and expected OP to drop anything she had going on and accompany her majesty literally from morning to night for 3 whole days. Not much of a mate to do that. I discuss plans and activities and available dates with my friends.

Oops sorry, I copied the whole thing not just the first poster that I obviously disagree with.

The 2nd poster is awesome! 😁

A couple of days before her flight, tell her you’ve got covid and feel rotten. I can even send you a photo of my positive test!

If you actually like your 'friend' this is great - message her back telling her what days/times you will be free to spend time with her and make suggestions about what to do and where to eat.

If OTOH she is a friend you dislike (and we all have them), message back along the lines of "Oh bummer, I will be away those days I hope you have a good time.'

I would tell her not to come as you won't have any time to spend with her. Mention some dates when it will be convenient for you, and suggest planning a few days then.

Hi op - she may have chanced it and not actually booked anything - you need to respond ASAP - tell her you are busy with family - tell her the local hotels and if you can fit her in for a morning or something then do so - if not - that’s her mistake for not planning. Don’t tread on egg shells around her given her behaviour of dropping others if she doesn’t get her own way - she’s no friend if she punishes you for not being available when she didn’t make plans.

@Chikapu - did you tell your friend?

@JennyNotFromTheBlock immoral and indecent OMG you are crazy! The facts of the matter are that a person who thinks OP is a friend is visiting the local area for three days and has now told OP she is in the area and would like to meet up. She’s not all of a sudden knocking on the front door having kept the trip a secret. All OP has to do is communicate what times/days she would be available to meet up. OP has asked for people’s opinion and here you are getting your knickers in a twist over anyone who disagrees with you.

Don’t bother replying to me I’m too busy being immoral and indecent to reply. Got some flights and hotels to book 😂

Of course it’s rude to just book flights and hotel and say you’re coming when you’re expecting someone to entertain you. You clearly know your friend best, and it sounds likely she’s not planning to just entertain themselves. I’d see if I could book maybe 1-2 days off work, if I had the leave spare, but I wouldn’t be entertaining her for 3 days if she hadn’t bothered to check the timing with you

She has booked a hotel so isn’t expecting you to accommodate her! You don’t sound like a decent friend why the animosity?

Her delivery was shite but her intentions are good. I wish I had more proactive friends like this.

Unless you are genuinely ultra busy, it's just three days out of your life. Embrace it!

You can hardly tell her to cancel, but you can tell her that you’re not available to spend time with her, if you don’t want to do so.
It doesn’t sound as if either of you will lose out much from the friendship ending tbh.
I don’t know her obviously, but I do know that if any friend of mine messaged to say they were travelling a distance to come and see me, without asking, my first question would be “is everything ok?”, because I can’t imagine any of them doing that without them needing some form of support from me.

Say it's a shame you didn't coordinate with my availability. I'm already scheduled for those days on a trip myself so I can't see you.

Or if you have say one free evening or afternoon or whatever say my only available time is....

It's weird not to check with you before booking as most people couldn't accommodate this kind of request!

@Chikapu any updates?

You mention that have time off to 'see friends ' can she not join in on that.
Best reply something along lines of - " I will be available to meet you Wed afternoon and evening while you here, rest of the days I'm not available "
Straight out see what she makes of it.
No point getting all stressed out she could have a new friend coming with her or work meetings planned

What a weird post. She’s your friend? Who lives a flight distance away and she’s coming to visit. Do you not like your friend?
There’s nothing cheeky there, she’s not asking you to pay for her trip or to stay at your home. I can’t see the problem, she just wants to visit somebody she thinks is her friend. I feel sorry for her as you’re clearly not her friend.

Funny you didn’t mention this expectation of 3 days entertainment in your first post eh?

Which would you prefer:
Scenario A: your friend says she would love to see you and asks what days are good for you so you arrange days that work for both of you so you can spend time together.

Scenario B: your friend excitedly tells you she is coming to visit x dates she wants to spend each day with you, you are busy those dates and cannot spend the time time with her.

You need to tell her your plans for those days. Let her know when you do have window to see her and "fully understand if she wants to cancel and rearrange for a better time"

@Chikapu - have you replied to your 'friend' yet? I'm just wondering if it will be the deal breaker you think it might be.