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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In Laws Keeping the Baptism Gifts

603 replies

OctaviaWS12 · 15/11/2022 17:07

So, last week was our sons baptism, hosted in France (the country where my DH is from however we live in England ). (My inlaws insisted it be hosted here). Anyway, our son was very lucky and received lots of lovely gifts from his relatives. However, two gifts in particular caused issues. From a friend of the family, he received a hand crafted silver picture frame (worth quite a bit of money!) . My in laws say that it has to stay in their house, so that the person who gifted it can see it and they can enjoy it. However, we don’t see our in laws very often as they are ‘busy’, maybe twice a year. In addition, they said that we would have to decide together who takes the gold and silver gifts
home, as they want to keep some as a ‘memento’ of the baptism. Am I unreasonable for asking to take all of them home? To where DS lives ? As the gifts were for him. In addition, my husband works away a lot and I’m often caring for my DS alone, and with the help of my parents. I’m concerned that if they stay with my in laws, he will never see them.

OP posts:
ReedRite · 15/11/2022 18:28

Yes, what’s DH’s thinking here? Does he usually do what his parents tell him?

BobDear · 15/11/2022 18:28

Batshit

I would suggest the following.

Call the bestower of the gift (on loudspeaker and without warning to your inlaws) in front of them.

Say "There seems to be some confusion about your lovely gift. Was this a gift to DS for his baptism or was this a gift to MIL?"

And when they reply 'DS of course' you can thank them and assure them that you will share a photo of the frame once you've got it home and chosen a picture to mount.

Then I would ask your in-laws and DH why on earth they were trying to steal DS's gifts?

I would then take anything that you have ever given them from the house and explain that you are going to be the custodian but you will face time them at Christmas so they can admire their gift from afar.

BadNomad · 15/11/2022 18:30

Just take it. Who cares what they think. If you never see them again, you won't be missing much.

Dontaskdontget · 15/11/2022 18:31

Put your foot down. Say very slowly and clearly. “These gifts belong to DS. They do not belong to me, or to you. They are staying in his home so he can enjoy looking at them. If I gave a gift to a baby I would be very upset and shocked if the baby’s inlaws kept it, and I that will not be happening here.”

Your inlaws must be total assholes, they’re going to get upset with yiu about something else anyway so you might as well out your foot down over this. Can’t believe you let them force your son to be christened overseas.

excelledyourself · 15/11/2022 18:32

Insane.

Take your baby's belongings and get home.

Otherwise leave the gifts, but tell them that you will never be facilitating a relationship between them and your children. Your spineless excuse for a husband/son's father can deal with any of that. And that thieves and bullies won't be welcome in your home, ever.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 15/11/2022 18:34

Who steals from a baby?

That's what this is tantamount to.

The in-law threads on this site have been nothing if not 'colourful' lately. Suddenly mine don't look too bad at all by comparison!

LucyAutumn · 15/11/2022 18:35

I can't believe what I've read, pack the frame OP, this is nonsense! Whatever next, all birthday and Christmas gifts from them will be waiting over France for when you next visit and then they have to stay there?!

antelopevalley · 15/11/2022 18:38

Tell your DH you will write to the gift giver of the frame thanking them for the gift but saying unfortunately your in laws refused to let you take it home. And then do it.

If they want to do this, then they should be happy for everyone to know that is what is happening. Your DH as well.

antelopevalley · 15/11/2022 18:39

And I would refuse to go to France ever again.

antelopevalley · 15/11/2022 18:40

And I would tell my DH that I will never come back again. You can refuse to be treated this way again.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 15/11/2022 18:41

Get them T shirts printed with their newly acquired job title for Christmas.

Pompom2367 · 15/11/2022 18:41

Tell them you will ask the gift givers

CantFindTheBeat · 15/11/2022 18:43

OP, do you live in France?

I had an English friend who moved to France with her French husband when their children were small.

They divorced and she had years of horrific legal battles to gain even shared custody of her children. It seems that French family law is very different.

Obviously this seems an extreme comment from me in relation to a photo frame, but your DH backing his bonkers parents should be warning sign!

newrubylane · 15/11/2022 18:43

OctaviaWS12 · 15/11/2022 17:26

Trouble is my husband is on their side! All madness. They’re insisting it stays. I had to take the rest undercover, but they have the whereabouts of the frame tracked at all times!!

For Christmas buy DH a fancy bottle of wine or Champagne from DC, and then announce that of course, DC would want you to be the custodian of it, and then drink it all and refuse to share it 😁

BadNomad · 15/11/2022 18:44

Don't thank the giver for the gift. If anyone asks, say you didn't receive it.

RunRunRunSomeMore · 15/11/2022 18:45

Can you not just physically pick them up and take them?

SunshineLoving · 15/11/2022 18:48

I would actually pick them up and take them. Are they on display? I know it might feel wrong but it's not, it's not stealing when they belong to your son and you are taking them to your son's home.

Your PILs are behaving appallingly. It definitely seems like they're keeping them from you in case of a divorce. All very strange because I assume that these would not be included in a divorce when they belong to your DS. Whatever it is, they are being nasty and grabby and I would take them home.

2pinkginsplease · 15/11/2022 18:48

I’d be telling them that you are taking them home with your ds . Your dh is being ridiculous.

buy him and gift and then tell him you need to keep it as you are the gift giver and that’s what you want and let him see how ridiculous he is. If I was the gift giver and saw it in the in laws house I would think you were an ungrateful person had just left it as you didn’t like it,

and that would be the last time I visited them.

Original poster
OctaviaWS12 · 15/11/2022 18:48

Thank you all for these wonderful messages. It has given me a good laugh 🤣.
they hide it!!!! They’re nuts. They suddenly changed once gifts came around.
they said I’m a ‘stranger’ to the gift giver and I wouldn’t know what she would want for the gift. (Even though it was addressed to DS).
they’re now insisting on keeping the godfather’s gift of a gold pendant as ‘he means a lot to them so they want it close’.

OP posts:
jtaeapa · 15/11/2022 18:48

Tell the giver.

Thanks so much for the gift. I would have loved for DS to have that on display, but unfortunately thieving PILs have stolen it.

legalseagull · 15/11/2022 18:50

OctaviaWS12 · 15/11/2022 18:48

Thank you all for these wonderful messages. It has given me a good laugh 🤣.
they hide it!!!! They’re nuts. They suddenly changed once gifts came around.
they said I’m a ‘stranger’ to the gift giver and I wouldn’t know what she would want for the gift. (Even though it was addressed to DS).
they’re now insisting on keeping the godfather’s gift of a gold pendant as ‘he means a lot to them so they want it close’.

What did you say to this? I'd be furious. It's not theirs!

LadyEloise1 · 15/11/2022 18:50

I too would think you were ungrateful or you didn't like my gift if I was the gift giver and saw it in the inlaws house.

Notonthestairs · 15/11/2022 18:51

Well I can only add to the chorus that say the gifts are intended for your child.

Otherwise they'd have given them as gifts to the grandparents.

Utterly ridiculous.

LaGioconda · 15/11/2022 18:52

OctaviaWS12 · 15/11/2022 18:48

Thank you all for these wonderful messages. It has given me a good laugh 🤣.
they hide it!!!! They’re nuts. They suddenly changed once gifts came around.
they said I’m a ‘stranger’ to the gift giver and I wouldn’t know what she would want for the gift. (Even though it was addressed to DS).
they’re now insisting on keeping the godfather’s gift of a gold pendant as ‘he means a lot to them so they want it close’.

Oh, FFS. Tell them to go and ask the godfather to give them a pendant of their very own if he means so much to them.

Can you just shove everything into your suitcase, lock it and take it away? And if they complain, just tell them you are taking your son's belongings back home with your son and you'll send them a photo if they're that desperate?

MichelleScarn · 15/11/2022 18:55

I agree with pp who said collect up the gifts now and post back home to a pick up point so dh can't be the one who receives them!