In Laws Keeping the Baptism Gifts

[OctaviaWS12]

So, last week was our sons baptism, hosted in France (the country where my DH is from however we live in England ). (My inlaws insisted it be hosted here). Anyway, our son was very lucky and received lots of lovely gifts from his relatives. However, two gifts in particular caused issues. From a friend of the family, he received a hand crafted silver picture frame (worth quite a bit of money!) . My in laws say that it has to stay in their house, so that the person who gifted it can see it and they can enjoy it. However, we don’t see our in laws very often as they are ‘busy’, maybe twice a year. In addition, they said that we would have to decide together who takes the gold and silver gifts
home, as they want to keep some as a ‘memento’ of the baptism. Am I unreasonable for asking to take all of them home? To where DS lives ? As the gifts were for him. In addition, my husband works away a lot and I’m often caring for my DS alone, and with the help of my parents. I’m concerned that if they stay with my in laws, he will never see them.

You’ll see it in the window of the nearest pawn shop if you let them keep it.

you can send the friend a photo of it in position in your house

They are being cheeky greedy bastards. Put your foot down hard.

Contact the people who gave the gifts and get them to tell the ILs to send the items on to YOUR CHILD.

I’d say “of course - however I will take them all home with me initially since I will be taking pictures of DC at home with each of the gifts and sending them with the thank you cards. Then we can sort out what will live where.”

then just keep them - thriving so and sos

Crazy. They are gifts for YOUR child, not his grandparents. Don't let the CFers take any of it.

If you're still there with them, just pack it all and tell them the items belong to your child not to them.
If they insist on keeping anything, that's theft.

That’s really outrageous. They are your sons. I’d get them asap

I'd be telling your husband to put an end to the batshittery right now. Fucking hell, they're bonkers.

The gifts belong to your child so should be where he lives. If they were given by people who don’t live near you then you can send them a photo of the gift being used/ displayed in your home

Cher M et Mme Blanc,

many thanks again for the beautiful photo frame you gave to petit WS12 on the occasion of his baptism. I thought you would like to see how lovely it looks in our home, the photograph is of petit WS12 and his controlling bitch of a grandmother on his baptism day.

I’ve heard it all now! Grabby bastards.

‘Oh, well they’re gifts for DS, so of course they’re going home with us as that’s where he lives. Gift giver will be so happy to know they’re being used by him everyday. We’ll send them a pic of the frame in his bedroom’.

If they insist, I'd breezily mutter " oh well, at least DS has got the gifts he'll receive at his real baptism in the UK next week to look forward to".

Then jump in the car and drive at top speed towards Calais without a backward glance.

In reality, I'd leave this to your DH to sort with the strict instruction that the gifts return home with DS as intended.

Trouble is my husband is on their side! All madness. They’re insisting it stays. I had to take the rest undercover, but they have the whereabouts of the frame tracked at all times!!

Tell him you're not leaving it behind.
You will tell the gift giver that your child has been denied the gift.

I would ask them who the giver actually gifted the frame to. If it’s your DS then it should be with him at his home; otherwise the giver should have presented the grant to you DPiL as a gift to commemorate their grandchild!!

As often is the case, you have a DH problem.

The best quote was that they are ‘custodians of the gifts!’ And they had the cheek to say ‘it’s what the gift giver would want.’ Doubt it considering it was addressed to ‘darling ds ’

Wtf OP, why on Earth is he taking their side?! It's a gift for your child? As he got no backbone with his parents or something?! This is completely bonkers. 😬 I guess the last resort is to ask the gift giver if the gift is a present for the child to take home to England or the ILs?

But seriously your husband needs a bloody word with himself.

Am I unreasonable for asking to take all of them home?
No.

Apart from the asking bit.
Don't ask them - TELL them.

The best quote was that they are ‘custodians of the gifts!’
"No you are not - they are DS's gifts. Are you going to pick over all his birthday & xmas gifts too, & nick the ones you fancy keeping?"

Your husband is being an arse btw. Ask him that question too.

'Custodians of the gifts'

😂😂😂

So tell them that they will have no issue if you just double check with relative to confirm this then.

Is it a traditional thing rather than them being grabby to keep something with them? I can't see otherwise why your DH would be siding with them. And why in particular do they want one of the more valuable gifts? Tell them they can be custodians of the plastic rattle and stuffed toy instead, and the givers can periodically come to visit and enjoy playing with them.

This put your foot down it is your child’s the gift is for him

foot down else that is a huge red flag

remove it and place it hidden under the seat in your car

absolutely not

whats next s gift of a £1000 for him and they keep it - just no

Just before you leave pick up the frame and anything else they are trying to keep hold of, put in your bag and leave.

No time for a debate as will miss the flight or whatever.

If the Dh pipes up, ok I shall let family/friends know that they will be keeping anything they buy for him. Think this year I will get you — insert whatever it is you’ve got your eye on — if he moans ask him how it’s any different.

Yeah this definitely sounds like a DH problem thread

Is this a cultural thing where various pieces of gold move around a family and the gifts your in laws want to keep belonged to their own close relatives?

If your mil is wanting to keep trinkets like rattles and candles and bibles that are often bought specifically for a certain child as a christening gift then that would be weird, but I know a few families where this wouldn’t be unusual just because of the culture and nature of the gifts.