In Laws Keeping the Baptism Gifts

[OctaviaWS12]

So, last week was our sons baptism, hosted in France (the country where my DH is from however we live in England ). (My inlaws insisted it be hosted here). Anyway, our son was very lucky and received lots of lovely gifts from his relatives. However, two gifts in particular caused issues. From a friend of the family, he received a hand crafted silver picture frame (worth quite a bit of money!) . My in laws say that it has to stay in their house, so that the person who gifted it can see it and they can enjoy it. However, we don’t see our in laws very often as they are ‘busy’, maybe twice a year. In addition, they said that we would have to decide together who takes the gold and silver gifts
home, as they want to keep some as a ‘memento’ of the baptism. Am I unreasonable for asking to take all of them home? To where DS lives ? As the gifts were for him. In addition, my husband works away a lot and I’m often caring for my DS alone, and with the help of my parents. I’m concerned that if they stay with my in laws, he will never see them.

I am not routinely anti parent or in-law, I am both of those things myself, but in this case I will say that the positive aspect of this is that they have shown you who they are at this early stage.

Tell your dh that if they are allowed to keep the frame and pendant that you will never celebrate Christmas in France with his relatives, make zero effort with them and you will refuse to host his parents until they return the gifts they are stealing. I also have French family. This rule is bs and all about control.

Greedy, grabby bastards. Do you speak French? I do and I’d have some choice words to say.

What would your dh say/do if you just took the gifts?

"Give me my son's baptism gifts or you will never see him again."

I take it there is no language barrier and you have said STOP STEALING FROM YOUR GRANDCHILD that you will never see again if you persist in this batshit behaviour AND GIVE IT BACK RIGHT NOW

Sorry to shout, but please think of it more as strong emphasis than shouting

I’d do this for sure.

erm...can you get him baptised by the Church of England when you get home?

@Mummyoflittledragon you can correct my spelling but a good old
'Va te faire foutre' would work!

I'd message the person who gave the photo frame and say 'thank you so much for our beautiful gift, unfortunately we won't be able to enjoy it as MIL has insisted on keeping it herself, but thank you for the thought '. Let her explain that one!

Op if you don't win this battle, I suggest sending thank you cards to everyone except the ones that gifted things you were not allowed to keep. Word would soon get round, those who gifted expensive items would wonder why they did not receive a thank you card, when you are asked about this, you can explain it is because your in-laws stole those gifts.

Is that "fuck off"? my french is a bit merde.

I've never seen 99% YANBU before!

Oh I love this reply even more. If you want to be really clever, thank them by email and copy your MIL in 😈

This is really weird. No way would I leave my child’s presents. Do you speak French, @OctaviaWS12 ? Insist on phoning to thank the givers of gifts to say thanks and tell them your pils are being weird and want to keep the gifts. Guaranteed they tell them they’re weird! Don’t allow it, these are presents to your ds!

On the bright side, every Christmas and birthday from now on, you can just send the in-laws photos of the presents you buy them and tell them you'll keep the gifts on their behalves.

It's meant to be so glad you understood!

If the In Laws do get to keep the photo frame, they can use that to keep a picture of the grandchild they will have a very remote relationship with in.
Not particularly good English, but it may translate better into French...

As bad as my exmil bought ds a rocking horse for his first birthday & then when he grew out of it sold it & kept the money.

That. Except I'd be thinking that OP and her DH didn't like the gift and couldn't be bothered to take it home. And I'd be really hurt.

If they keep it the frame from you and your son they have stolen it and need reporting to the police.

Yay! Having to suffer both Mr Griffiths (North Wales accent) and Ms Barros (European, possibly Spanish - not French) teaching me, I think I did rather well there!

This or pick up the phone and tell them you are calling the giver to see where it should go.

@saraclara But that is why OP has to make it open because otherwise it looks like OP and her DH have been really rude.

Your OH is the problem. I would be very clear that they can keep all the gifts but it will be the last celebration they will ever be hosting. The gifts are for the child. They have no right to appoint themselves as custodians of anything.

Exactly. That was the point I was making.