In Laws Keeping the Baptism Gifts

[OctaviaWS12]

So, last week was our sons baptism, hosted in France (the country where my DH is from however we live in England ). (My inlaws insisted it be hosted here). Anyway, our son was very lucky and received lots of lovely gifts from his relatives. However, two gifts in particular caused issues. From a friend of the family, he received a hand crafted silver picture frame (worth quite a bit of money!) . My in laws say that it has to stay in their house, so that the person who gifted it can see it and they can enjoy it. However, we don’t see our in laws very often as they are ‘busy’, maybe twice a year. In addition, they said that we would have to decide together who takes the gold and silver gifts
home, as they want to keep some as a ‘memento’ of the baptism. Am I unreasonable for asking to take all of them home? To where DS lives ? As the gifts were for him. In addition, my husband works away a lot and I’m often caring for my DS alone, and with the help of my parents. I’m concerned that if they stay with my in laws, he will never see them.

Fucking hell, they’re thieves.

You need to message The Gift Giver right now op. Or the gift wouldn't be the one thing I was leaving behind... It would be dh..

How about you take the frame and they can keep your DH?

So, last week was our sons baptism, hosted in France (the country where my DH is from however we live in England ). (My inlaws insisted it be hosted here).

Red flag long before the gifts OP.

I’ve never heard of grandparents keeping their grandchildren’s baptism gifts before. Take the frame; it’s what the giver would want.

excellent idea!

to be fair OP it might work out in the long run - think of how much money it will save you over the next 18 years to send photos of the lovely gifts you would have bought them for christmas/bdays/anniversaries with the message "as per the [dh surname] family tradition we will keep the gifts here as the custodians rather than actually sending them to you."

Do you know the gift giver well enough to have a chat with them? You can be subtle about it, i.e. slip in as part of a general discussion 'thanks again for DS gift, I must admit I've never heard of the tradition whereby the grandparents actually keep the gift themselves though, is that a french thing?' Presumably they will be like 'wft?' and you can keep stirring, 'Really? Well I must admit I thought it was odd but GP kept insisting that you definitely wanted the gift to stay with them and I didn't want to offend you after you'd been so generous....'

If nothing else, you have to admire their brass neck.

This maybe leave him in France

Do they respect your marriage op? Are they thinking if you split up that your dh should keep that...

"why are your parents stealing from their grandchild?"

Oh yes say this!

‘What an interesting custom. We shall have to have every future celebration in England since this doesn’t work for me. Imagine if it had been our wedding here Dh, it would have been one of the shortest marriages in history. Come on, let’s take our son home to a place where when people give presents they give presents , we can always come back and visit again, perhaps next decade.

and in private to Dh don’t tell me that this is custom it is 100% batshit and I’ll have no more of it. We are going home and not coming back, it’s time for my family custom of not treating me like an idiot or stealing my childs things. You should be ashamed of yourself and you absolutely have only yourself to blame that we won’t be back fro a long time. When they say Darling why don’t you all visit?? You can explain It’s because you’re a jerk to my wife, and I let you be.

i have French family and this is not French, it’s just controlling and nuts. No more ‘customs’ for your little family! Lucky you have learnt this before your ds gets old enough to notice!

If you give someone a present you do not expect someone else to make off with it!! They are being CFs with knobs on!!

Maybe send the gift back to the giver and explain it’s causing discord within your family unit and maybe they could exchange it for something your in-laws don’t list over.

What deeperthanallroses wrote here in its entirety.

Absolutely brilliant, every last word.

They want to keep in THEIR family just in case you split up and divorce.

That’s bonkers.

Good Lord, this is outrageous.
I would be concerned that they are worried that if/ when you and DH split up, you will get your grubby mitts on them.
The gifts belong to your DS. You are his coustodian.

Your DH is happy for his parents to steal valuable baptism gifts from his son? Can he explain why he thinks this is OK?

Totally agree with PPs that he is part of this problem, and you should definitely be taking the frame!

Ask them won't it be a little embarrassing for them when you write the thank you letters and have to explain that you weren't allowed to bring the gifts home but you do love them very much and if they see them in your in-laws house to please not think for a second you didn't want them.

Really lay it on thick.

The at e complete CFs and have no right to anything unless it was gifted to them.

This is why. My ex MiL would have done the same if she could.

I would just take it and pack it, silly sods!