In Laws Keeping the Baptism Gifts

[OctaviaWS12]

So, last week was our sons baptism, hosted in France (the country where my DH is from however we live in England ). (My inlaws insisted it be hosted here). Anyway, our son was very lucky and received lots of lovely gifts from his relatives. However, two gifts in particular caused issues. From a friend of the family, he received a hand crafted silver picture frame (worth quite a bit of money!) . My in laws say that it has to stay in their house, so that the person who gifted it can see it and they can enjoy it. However, we don’t see our in laws very often as they are ‘busy’, maybe twice a year. In addition, they said that we would have to decide together who takes the gold and silver gifts
home, as they want to keep some as a ‘memento’ of the baptism. Am I unreasonable for asking to take all of them home? To where DS lives ? As the gifts were for him. In addition, my husband works away a lot and I’m often caring for my DS alone, and with the help of my parents. I’m concerned that if they stay with my in laws, he will never see them.

Personally I’d let them keep it. Sounds tacky to have expensive silver frames around the place.
Why is your ‘d’h not backing you up about this? What’s his justification for his parents keeping your sons gifts?

That’s a no.

red flags for sure

They are being CFers

Your DH is being a dickhead.

This is not a French custom

But they are the son's so what does a divorce have to do with it?

What an embarrassment your husband is.

Have his GPs ever kept any of his gifts?

How ridiculous

In that case, I'd say they're his parents and his friends/ relatives that gave the gifts then it's his decision as he is an equal parent.

Never mind messaging the gift giver just put them in your fucking suitcase because they belong to your ds and nobody else. No matter what your dh says take them with you. The cheeky thieving barstards.
Custodians of the gifts my arse I’ve heard it all now!

Outrageous. I agree with PPS. I would be v clear with DH that there will never be another celebration in France if the presents are going to be stolen, that you consider it theft and actually won't be going back over to stay with people who would steal from you, and that you will be very clear in your thank you note that you were not allowed to take the frame and how it is a great shame as you loved it. They can keep the frame, but they will not be seeing you or your son again as all trust is lost when people steal from your child.

What an arse your husband is.

Why does your husband support them? They belong to your son, logically they should be where your son is.

That's really weird. Imagine the scenario - this generous friend of the family goes to GP's house and sees the gift they bought has been left there instead of going with the GC. What are they going to think?

If it was me, I'd be saying 'Actually, I bought this for the grandchild, not you'

Perfect.

You need NEVER travel there again.

They sound like the Thenardiers!

I think this is it, sadly, Op!

Tell them you're taking all the gifts, no question, as you make an excellent custodian, given you're the baptised child's mother!

Whatever happens I would definitely make sure the gift givers know exactly what has happened and o would be telling the in-laws that too. In fact do you have Facebook or a family WhatsApp where you can thank people publicity and mention they in-laws won’t let you take them home!?

I am the 'custodian of the gifts' given to my granddaughter but only because her mother left them here to gather dust upstairs!

I would be writing a note of thanks to the gift giver saying what a shame it is you can’t send them a picture of it in DCs bedroom as it’s been held hostage at your in laws.

They are batshit crazy and so is your husband.

So this picture frame has to stay in France so the gift giver can see it and get enjoyment from it? What about the child it was intended for being able to see it and get pleasure from it? What's the point of gifts if the person who bought it get long term enjoyment out of it and the other person doesn't?

They're completely nuts. Take them for a meal to say Thank you for hosting and when the waiter put their food down on the table eat it yourself and say you wanted to get enjoyment from the delicious food you bought them.

Bloody entitled batshit nutjobs.

If the gift has a recipient, surely it doesn't need a custodian as well? I'm not following their logic tbh, when you say it was from a family friend I'm assuming it was a close friend of theirs?

The gifts are all for you to take and it’s up to you if you want to leave any at the grandparents house.

However the point I find more interesting is this -

‘My inlaws insisted it be hosted here’

They cannot insist on you doing anything and this is where the problem with them
lies. Because you have allowed the to dictate to you they will progressively overstep the mark and you will find their demands become more and more unreasonable.

They’re nuts but in all honesty let them have the liability of looking after it for the next 25+ years until your son has a place of his own where he actually needs a silver picture frame.
Do ask them to get it valued and insured of course.

I'd be packing up every single gift to your son (i.e. all of them, because Baptism gifts are, in fact, for the baby), bringing them to the local post office and posting them home so they are there for you on arrival home - and so these overstepping CFers can't get their greedy paws on them in your case. YANBU.

Even if they are keeping tabs on it, can you not just take it and say it's my sons so going with him? Will they wrestle it off you?

They want to keep in THEIR family just in case you split up and divorce

I thought the same, but the bigger problem seems to be that the DH goes along with it - and I'd be interested to hear his justification?

My MIL bought my son a beautiful kids Tiffany bowl and plate and after "gifting" it to him, she wrapped it up again and put it in the cupboard.

Her cupboard ...

😵‍💫